Sunday, March 01, 2009

Seattle's Blue Scrotumed Monkey

I know this is kind of old news by now. . .after there was a "scandal" and internet meme around the Huffington Post mentioning the b.s.'d monkey. . .but last week, IMAO.US released a FAQ about the monkey escaped from Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo (which is in walking distance of my house...or monkey leaping distance). This is pretty good (one slur aside). They also use a pejorative for a group of which I am a member. Live with it, or don't read it.

BLUE SCROTUM MONKEY FAQ (from http://www.imao.us/)

Q. How much concern should I have that a monkey with a blue scrotum is on the loose?

A. This monkey has been rated an orange level threat by the Monkey Threat Index for its tendency to gnaw on a person’s face or genitals when confused or scared and because it has a bright colored scrotum.

Q. What would rate a red rating?

A. Massive size and climbing a famous building.

Q. The monkey escaped from a zoo in Seattle and I live in Alabama. Does this concern me?

A. Yes it does. Monkeys are smart enough to buy plane or bus tickets, so it could be anywhere by now.

Q. What do I do if I see a monkey with a blue scrotum?

A. Immediately contact authorities or kill it with a hammer.

Q. What if I see a monkey with a purple scrotum?

A. Purples scrotum monkeys are common and harmless. Don’t waste our time with sighting of purple scrotum monkeys, homo.

Q. Well, that was uncalled for.

A. There is a blue scrotum monkey on the loose! We don’t have time for your feelings, Nancy!

Q. What kind of monkey is it?

A. An angry one. With a blue scrotum. And possibly a small caliber revolver.

Q. No, I mean what species is it?

A. Do you want to know its hopes and dreams too? It’s an angry monkey on the loose; what else do you need to know about it? What its favorite color is?

Q. Is it blue?

A. Obviously.

Q. Should I be concerned when I call authorities and mention a monkey, they could take it as a racist statement?

A. Don’t worry; the blue scrotum monkey sighting hotline is completely anonymous, cracker.

Q. Anything else I should know?

A. If the monkey’s scrotum starts flashing red, that means he is about to explode. Seek cover.
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