The rules from Zombieland

By Jack Brummet, Film Editor

I really liked this movie a lot. . .and the rules were good.  Of the 32 or 33 rules alluded to by Columbus in the film, these are the ones specifically mentioned.

Cardio (Rule #1) Build up that endurance.

Limber Up (Rule #18) Don't pull a muscle running or dodging.

When in doubt, know your way out (Rule #22) "This rule is all about knowing your surroundings and preparing yourself for the worst,” says Columbus.

The Double Tap” (Rule #2)  "In those moments when you're not sure that the undead are really dead-dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets…You can avoid becoming a human happy meal.”

Check the back seat (Rule 31)  “The last thing you need while driving is to have a zombie crawling up behind you trying to bite you.”

Wear Seatbelts (Rule #4) “You won't be driving along easy roads anymore. You need to be ready for a crash!”

Beware of bathrooms (Rule #3) "Just because it's not socially acceptable to climb under cubicle doors, it doesn't mean the zombies won't do it."

"Enjoy the little things (Rule #32)  “Without enjoying the little things, it's all too easy for you to lose sanity and peace of mind from the constant stress and pains of staying alive.”

Don't Be a Hero (Rule #17) “Possibly the most important rule of all. Don't risk your own life just to make yourself look good."

BE a Hero (also Rule  #17) Every good rule is meant to be broken.

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Rules of engagement that apply almost as much to politics as to war

I don't know where this file comes from. . .

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
6. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions.
7. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
8. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
9. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
10. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
11. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
12. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
13. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
14. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
15. A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
16. Don't ever be the first; don't ever be the last; and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
17. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
18. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
19. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
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