click to enlarge
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Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Taking Up A Collection For President Obama
On my way back to my hotel in Washington, D.C., I was caught in a hellish traffic jam. I asked a cop walking between cars "hey, what's going on?" The officer said "the President is depressed. He stopped his motorcade and threatened to douse himself with gasoline and torch it. He says no one believes his stories about the war in Afghanistan, or that his stimulus money will help anyone except corporations. His health plan is a joke. Even the press is piling on now, he said. So, anyhow, we're taking up a collection for him."
The officer replied, "About 14 gallons, but I think a lot of folks are still siphoning."
---o0o---
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Joe Klein explains in Time why Sarah Palin is a threat
By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That National Affairs Editor
Joe Klein hit it on the head in this week's Time Magazine. He was right about Clinton, and he's right about why Sarah Palin is geting traction with much of that same demographic.
"I have a theory about Bill Clinton: his philandering worked in his favor politically, especially with a demographic chunk that usually shies away from liberalism: American working guys. It made him more accessible. Here was a fellow who got it on with faded lounge singers and then celebrated with a Double Quarter Pounder and fries at the local McDonald's. If that ain't pickup-truck nirvana, what is? Democrats haven't produced many such men of the people; they produce law-professor presidents, a theme Palin launched in Nashville that we will be hearing a lot more frequently in the future."---o0o---
Alien Lore No. 168 - Scientology and Aliens
I didn't realize that Scientology was, more or less, based upon Alien Visitors. Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 (the word means"the study of truth" in Latin), and is based on a belief--like many other religions--that man is"an immortal, spiritual being."
Their website is here.
Scientology believes that man's abilities are unlimited. No one is asked to believe or accept anything. "That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true."
In Scientology, The Thetans are immortal beings attached to human bodies that span multiple lifetimes. All humans consist of the body, the mind, and the Thetan itself, "which is the spirit, or you." Scientologists believe that the Thetans are the foundation of all human beings.
75 million years ago, Xenu, the alien leader of the Galactic Confederation, came to Earth to drop off a large number of alienns. They set off a hydrogen bomb, which fused the Thetans to whatever was left of the humans after the H-bomb blast.
The Scientologists, by the way, do not believe in psychology or psychiatry. This is not completely shocking coming from a group that believes humans are the children of an H-bomb, cavemen, and a horde of aliens.
As you know, the church has a passel of celebrities as members. Four that come to mind are John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Kirstie Alley.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Huh? I don't know why this works (or doesn't work, actually)
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
________________________________________
What is the total? Scroll down for answer..
Is this weird, or what? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Try it on your calculator now. . .
---o0o---
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Government stimulus: the joke
By Pablo Fanque
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor
The New “Stimulus” Package
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
---o0o---
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor
It is fascinating seeing photos of Republican Senators and Representatives, who gave speeches denouncing the "stimulus package," handing out stimulus $$$. Hundreds of web sites and blogs have posted pictures of the stimulus detractors back home, posing with gigantic--think of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes--faux checks they hand over to their constituents businesses.
Which reminds me of a joke I heard not along ago. I don't know if they classify jokes like they do folk takes, but this would definitely be Joke 22A. . .you've heard it before, cast in a different light.
The New “Stimulus” Package
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
---o0o---
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Sons - an old internet/email meme
__________________
For people who have sons; and those of us who are happy that we don't.
You may find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
---o0o---
Monday, February 08, 2010
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