Tuesday, November 30, 2004

I Was A Star Wars Virgin!

I have now watched the first two Star Wars movies (Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back) which are now called the fourth and fifth Star Movies.

I remember "Star Wars" was released shortly after I moved to NYC in 1977. It is now called Episode 4: A New Hope (hmmm?). I remember seeing it in theatres; I just never got around to watching it. Many people where I work consider me a retrograde freak who has missed one of the peak highs of our lifetime.

I'll write a virgin's review after I view third, no--I mean the sixth movie.

/jack
---o0o---

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Poem: Gone Fishing

As the forests swamps and bones
Turn slowly to coal
The last pterodactyl
Soars overhead
Calling for a friend.
---o0o---

jack brummet

Saturday, November 27, 2004

My Jobs (List Number 9)

So far I've covered three jobs in my ongoing series My Worst Jobs, McGoo , the Salsa Fiasco, and The Brewwburger Story. Next up: The Fish. My four years at Carl Fischer, Inc. Or the two jobs I turned down the day I accepted the job at the Fish (worth an entry in themselves). Or maybe I should write about Night Orderly in the Dementia Ward. . .

Jobs (not in order)
Shoveling boxcars of sand (50 tons)
Paperboy (Kent Independent). 210 papers @ $.01 each per week
Night Orderly in Dementia Ward
Rainbow Vacuum Cleaner card distributor /lead generator
Harvesting /trimming/boxing rhubarb (cool: with a machete!)
Picking Strawberries/bunching onions
Westland Chicken Hatchery Helper
Youth Organizer
Crisis phone staffer
Seattle-King County Drug Commissioner
Clerk
Administrative Assistant
Clerk II (Carl Fischer)
Ozalid Facsimile Machine Operator
Copyright and Royalty Clerk
Copyright Asst. Manager
Loan Form Analyst
Subscription and Advertising Salesman
Trade Journal Feature Writer
Hospital Supply Orderly
Temp.
Working in a bank lockbox
Clerk for Dean of Students
Office Manager
Word Processor
Editor
Copy Editor
Head of Appraisal Production
Waiter (brewburger)
Software Jobs (Technical Support Engineer; Software Tester; Website Tester; Game Tester; Technical Support Manager; Testing Manager ; Writing and Publishing Manager; Director of Development; Director of Testing; Director of Development Services); Vice-President.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Will "Self" One Day Be A Spare Part? Chimeras & You

This excerpt is from a larger article in the Washington Post this week. It raises a lot of interesting ethical issues, of course. The most interesting of which is focused on growing spare human parts inside animals. These chimeras could produce a vast array of human giblets. . .livers, kidneys, hearts. Won't this lead to raising vast herds of animals/chimeras for transplantable organs? Is that so bad? Is it worse than raising vast herds of animals for hamburgers? If you keep creating these hybrids, and, say, making them more and more human, with several human parts inside, and what point do they become Humanzees, or Hu-hogs? Is there a Maginot Line between humans and animals that cannot, or should not, be crossed? Even if there is, should we be fiddling with this like Victor Frankenstein? The Maginot Line, after all, was thought of as impenetrable as the Titanic was unsinkable...

We've already cloned sheep. It didn't work out all that well, so far anyhow. Folks are trying to clone humans at this very moment. If we put human brains in the right animals, things could start to get really interesting. Gorilla infantrymen? A Giraffe as President of the United States? Doberman security guards? Chimpanzee strawberry pickers? Whales as one-man submarines??
/jack

Scientists debate creation of hybrids of animals, humans
By Rick Weiss, The Washington Post Nov. 2004

WASHINGTON - In Minnesota, pigs are being born with human blood in their veins. In Nevada, there are sheep whose livers and hearts are largely human.

In California, mice peer from their cages with human brain cells firing inside their skulls.

These are not outcasts from "The Island of Dr. Moreau," the 1896 novel by H.G. Wells in which a rogue doctor develops creatures that are part animal and part human. They are real creations of real scientists, stretching the boundaries of stem cell research.

Biologists call these hybrid animals chimeras, after the mythical Greek creature with a lion's head, a goat's body and a serpent's tail. They are the products of experiments in which human stem cells were added to developing animal fetuses.

Chimeras are allowing scientists to watch, for the first time, how nascent human cells and organs mature and interact - not in the cold isolation of laboratory dishes but inside the bodies of living creatures. Some are already revealing deep secrets of human biology and pointing the way toward new medical treatments.

But with no federal guidelines in place, an awkward question hovers above the work: How human must a chimera be before more stringent research rules should kick in?

The National Academy of Sciences, which advises the federal government, has been studying the issue and hopes to make recommendations by February. Yet the range of opinions it has received so far suggests reaching consensus may be difficult.

During one recent meeting, scientists disagreed on such basic issues as whether it would be unethical for a human embryo to begin its development in an animal's womb, and whether a mouse would be better or worse off with a brain made of human neurons.

"This is an area where we really need to come to a reasonable consensus," said James Battey, chairman of the National Institutes of Health's Stem Cell Task Force. "We need to establish some kind of guidelines as to what the scientific community ought to do and ought not to do."
How human?

Chimeras (ki-MER-ahs) - meaning mixtures of two or more individuals in a single body - are not inherently unnatural. Most twins carry at least a few cells from the sibling with whom they shared a womb, and most mothers carry in their blood at least a few cells from each child they have born.

Recipients of organ transplants are also chimeras, as are the many people whose defective heart valves have been replaced with those from pigs or cows. And scientists for years have added human genes to bacteria and even to farm animals - feats of genetic engineering that allow those critters to make human proteins such as insulin for use as medicines.

"Chimeras are not as strange and alien as at first blush they seem," said Henry Greely, a law professor and ethicist at Stanford University who has reviewed proposals to create human-mouse chimeras there.

But chimerism becomes a more sensitive topic when it involves growing entire human organs inside animals. And it becomes especially sensitive when it deals in brain cells, the building blocks of the organ credited with making humans human.

Greely and many other philosophers have been wrestling with the question of why so many people believe it is wrong to breach the species barrier. Many turn to the Bible's repeated invocation that animals should multiply "after their kind" as evidence that such experiments are wrong. Others, however, have concluded the core problem is not necessarily the creation of chimeras, but rather the way they are likely to be treated.

Imagine, said Robert Streiffer, a professor of philosophy and bioethics at the University of Wisconsin, a human-chimpanzee chimera endowed with speech and an enhanced potential to learn - what some have called a "humanzee."

"There's a knee-jerk reaction that enhancing the moral status of an animal is bad," Streiffer said. "But if you did it, and you gave it the protections it deserves, how could the animal complain?"
---o0o---





Another poem: Moving

Just being here, we're moving
Around and around and around and around,
In four directions at once:
Around earth's axis,
Around the sun,
Around the Milky Way,
And out out out into space,
Around and around and around and around.

Where do you land?
When you get tired,
Where do you stand?
Where is the ground's ground?
Around and around and around and around.
---o0o---
jack brummet

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Grope me!

Judging from articles appearing this week about passengers being aggressively frisked at airports, I can now look forward to to being man-handled by the TSA guys in blue jackets.

"The airlines are required to randomly select a certain number of passengers for closer inspection. Passengers who wear loose clothing are more apt to receive a pat down, as are travelers who set off metal detector alarms or exhibit suspicious behavior..."[from the Sun-Sentinel.com web site]

I am so screwed on this one. I wear loose clothing, I guess (or do they mean loose middle-eastern clothing like djellabas, etc?). Ever since I had an arthoplasty (hip replacement), my stainless steel hip seems to trigger the alarms. And suspicious behavior? Since I am scared s***less of flying, everything about me at an airport is suspicious, and to most eyes, I would surely appear non compos mentis, e.g., nutty as a fruitcake.

To make it even worse, "The TSA requires female screeners pat down women; male screeners check men." This whole thing would be a little more palatable if it wasn't some GUY giving me the once over. I'll let you know what happens the next time I fly. /jack

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Clemenza's Spaghetti Sauce from "The Godfather"

Here is my version of Caporegime Peter Clemenza's spaghetti sauce. Clemenza tells Michael this is a nice pot of gravy to make if you have a crew go "to the mattresses." I saw the movie in 1978, years after it first appeared. Kevin Curran and I saw it at the Waverly Theatre in Greenwich Village. I have probably watched it thirty times since. The pasta sauce I make is almost always some variant of the sauce Clemenza teaches Michael:

CLEMENZA
Hey, Mikey, why don't you tell that nice girl you love her?
(then, in an exaggerated Italian accent)
I love you with all-a my heart! If I don't see you again soon, I'm a-gonna die! [laughs]
(then)
Heh, come over here, kid, learn something. You never know, you might have to cook for twenty guys someday. You see, you start out with a little bit of oil. Then you fry some garlic. Then you throw in some tomatoes, tomato paste, you fry it; ya make sure it doesn't stick. You get it to a boil; you shove in all your sausage and your meatballs; heh?... And a little bit o' wine. An' a little bit o' sugar, and that's my trick.
SONNY (after entering the kitchen)
Why don't you cut out the crap. I got more important things for you to do.
(then)
How's Paulie?
CLEMENZA
Oh, Paulie? Won't see him no more...

Clemenza's Gravy
2 tablespoons olive oil (preferably Genco !)
4 cloves chopped garlic
2 cans whole Italian tomatoes
1 can tomato paste (and 2 cans of water)
2 teaspoons dried basil
a couple pinches of oregano
Three glugs of wine
Two teaspoons sugar
Salt and fresh ground black pepper
Sauteed sausages and meatballs

Sweat the garlic in the oil (do not brown it) in a large pot. After a minute, add the canned tomatoes and juice, the tomato paste, and a cup of water. Add three glugs of wine, the sugar, and the herbs. Bring to a slow simmer for ten minutes. Add a little salt and the pepper and the sausages and meatballs. Slowly simmer for 45 minutes or more...until the sauce is reduced and coats a spoon. Correct the seasoning. Cook spaghetti or linguini. Drain it. Now pink up your pasta. Put it in a bowl, add a couple of ladles of the sauce and toss with the pasta. Make sure it is nice and coated. Serve the rest of the sauce and the meats in a bowl for people to add to taste. Serve the pasta with freshly grated Parmesan, Romano or Pecorino, a simple green salad, crusty Italian bread and a bottle of Chianti Classico. . .
---o0o--

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

My Worst Jobs, Part 3 - Brewburger

I started to write this piece about the four+ years I worked in NYC at Carl Fischer /“The Fish” [episode 5 of My Worst Jobs]. Then I remembered that I had one other job that summer of 1977--the summer of Son of Sam and The Great Blackout.

Through a friend's connection, I became a waiter at BrewBurger at 44th and Broadway, in the heart of Times Square. In the 2.5 hellish days I held that job, I never mastered timing, the menu, or efficiency. I was continually scrambling between the kitchen and my tables to patch up mistakes. I was incapable of balancing more than two plates or bringing out courses in their correct order. As desert would appear, I would also be bringing the forgotten salad. I never actually had one happy table. In retrospect, waiting was a job for which I was constitutionally unfit.

BrewBurger appeared to be some sort of Outfit money laundering front. The real estate was expensive and the food was inordinately cheap and plentiful. BrewBurger was extremely popular with tourists and the bridge and tunnel crowd.

Nothing was more popular than the $4.95 Burger, Fries, and Bottomless Beer combo. On my very first day, I had a table of six beefy college boys from the Midwest drop in for the special. The bottomless beer was a waiter’s nightmare. To prevent pitchers of beer going to waste, the beer was served in schooner glasses. Two or three glasses were always in need of refills. In between shuttling lukewarm orders of the wrong food to my luckless customers, I ferried fresh glasses of beer to the bulletheads. They generated more trips to the kitchen than the rest of my neglected tables put together. After a couple hours of this, they staggered away from the table, leaving me a buck tip for their food and sixty beers.

No matter who came in, they expected attentive service and instant refills. This was fine dining, Manhattan style.

The restaurant would shut down briefly around three or four o’clock, to restock the kitchen and prep dinner, hose out the vomit filled urinals, vacuum, and tidy up the table’s condiment trays.

Each table contained three jars, in addition to the standard Heinz Ketchup and French’s mustard. One jar contained a pickle relish. Another held corn relish. And the third was filled with sliced bread and butter pickles. After washing the banquettes and table, your next duty was to restock condiments. Sounds simple enough, eh? These condiments had been sitting on the table through four, five or six seatings. Any sane person would have buried them, or at the very least emptied them and run them through the dishwasher. BrewBurger, however, had a policy of how, when and why the condiment jars should be cleaned and refilled.

No matter how suspect the contents, I never saw a condiment jar that crossed the line at which BrewBurger considered it unfit for human consumption. Someone stubbed a cigarette butt out in the corn relish? You gingerly spooned out the cigarette, along with the tainted relish most proximate to the butt. To return the jar to its pristine state, you merely topped the jar off with fresh relish from the five gallon plastic bucket. A quick stir with a spoon, and everything was good as new. Foreign matter in the pickle jar? You emptied the juice out, rinsed the pickles with fresh brine, and topped it off with fresh pickles and brine.

If this was happening in the front of the restaurant, who knows what outrages were going down in the kitchen? Uneaten fries were dumped into one of those ubiquitous five gallon condiment buckets, presumably to be refried and served later. “Hey,” as one of the waiter said, “no worry. They go back in the 350 degree grease again. That’ll kill off anything too weird.”

Midway through Day Three's frenzied lunch, I had been woofed at by an increasingly angry and menacing manager five times. I had four tables worth of food waiting under the heat lamps, and three table’s lunch orders I need to get to the kitchen. One table was ready for refills. I jammed the orders in my pocket, tossed my apron in the corner, and walked out the front door into the blazing sunlight in Times Square.

Monday, November 22, 2004

French Mood Swings

"The practice of aromatherapy makes the claim that smelling certain essential oils can help you overcome anxiety, depression, and stress. The theory that exposure to pleasant fragrances helps create a happy mood goes a long way towards explaining why the French are so f***ing cranky all the time." - Dennis Miller

Perspective

"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards."

- Fred Hoyle

McCain Not Ruling Out Run for President

Good. It would be a pleasure to cross swords with The Senator. Although my Republican friends are skeptical, I think he'd be a great and formidable candidate. Of all the GOP possibles, I find him the most attractive. He's even someone I'd consider voting for. . .if I wasn't a Yellow Dog Democrat.

So, the potential G.O.P. lineup seems to be (at the moment) Gov. Mitt Romney, possibly Rudy Giuliani (although I think his personal conduct may be a little hard to swallow, especially for the new republican core), and Sen. McCain. But then, Sen. Frist--who still feels a little obscure to the general public--may be a possibility too. And what about Mark Racicot? I thought he'd make a strong candidate too. I don't know what his next gig is after the election. He would go into the game without a political office--which has its upside too: he could begin campaigning very early.

The Dems? What do we have: apparent front-runner Sen. Clinton. There's Sen. Kerry (unlikely, I think. Have we given anyone a second crack at it since Adlai Stevenson?). Senator Edwards. . .who I thought didn't measure up to his primary performance in the election. Ex Veep Al Gore (also unlikely). I suspect at least one more Governor and one more Senator may emerge. . .no, I don't suspect, I hope!

Sun Nov 21,11:46 PM ET

By WILLIAM C. MANN, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - Sen. John McCain (news, bio, voting record), R-Ariz., said Sunday he is not ruling out a run for the 2008 presidential nomination, but that he is not a candidate now. A decision to run, if one should come, would not be made for at least two years, said McCain, speaking only a few weeks after the 2004 campaign ended with President Bush (news - web sites) winning a second term.
AP Photo

"Look, I'm not running for president," McCain told NBC's "Meet the Press," and added: "I do not foreclose the option."
McCain, a senator since 1986, made a strong run for the Republican nomination in 2000 but lost to Bush in a bitter campaign.
Still, McCain added his popularity to Bush's re-election campaign this year after rejecting overtures from Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites) to join the Democratic ticket as the vice presidential candidate.
"There will be plenty of time to consider whether to run for president again, but certainly I don't think it's in any way appropriate for me to speculate on that at this time," McCain said on NBC.
He was asked when that time might come.
"I would think at least not for a couple of years," McCain said.
"You know, the president hasn't even been inaugurated yet. Isn't it a little unseemly for any of us to start on that path again?"
At least one prominent Republican, Sen. Chuck Hagel (news, bio, voting record) of Nebraska, already has said he is considering a 2008 run for the White House.
If McCain were to run, he would turn 72 on Aug. 29, 2008, at the height of the campaign. Only President Reagan was older at his inauguration — 73 at the start of his second term.
Asked whether age might be a factor in his decision whether to run, McCain said: "Yes, I think that would have to be a consideration," he replied. However, he said, "I have a wonderful mother who is 92. Maybe I could use her as an example."

Sunday, November 21, 2004

What The Movies Teach Us (List Number 8)

This is a concatenation of two different "internet" files, with a few of my own lines thrown in. Authorship of the originals is totally unknown. I found several people claiming authorship of parts of it...so who really knows? /jack

During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Dogs can survive natural and man-made disasters that wipe out entire human populations.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing Chinese New Year parade -- at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread (and celery!)

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part ofthe building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, more ammo will always appear...even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches at night -- when entering a kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a stadium.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, especially in New York and L.A.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one-by-one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

Nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock -- if they do, they will die within five minutes.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.