Bizarre scheme: Republicans threaten to release White House sex tapes

In a last ditch effort to gain leverage and clean up the White House, a small group of Republican congressmen are threatening political blackmail with explosive video footage taken in the White House residence. A southern Congressman familiar with the scheme said "Everyone wanted this buried. Until they'd been burned about four times this month alone. They're fighting for their political lives."

One moderate Senator's aide told All This Is That "It's as if the White House is on Howard Dean's payroll! Look at just the recent scandals. The Plame story, Cheney's shadow government, Katrina and Brownie, DeLay, Abramoff, and now, in a week, the Cheney hunting thing, an Arab takeover of ports, and Iraq coming apart at the seams. " The aide continued ". . .this is as dirty as it gets. It makes the Lewinsky story look like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm."

A subcommittee chair in the House spoke of "bumbling the domestic wiretap revelations, mishandling foreign affairs with our friends and enemies, and now boxing themselves in on this insane Dubai port takeover--the list goes on and on and on. Yeah, threatening them with the tapes is extreme. . .but you are dealing with extreme people. All we're trying to do is get them to listen to reason. It's realpolitik. . .a desperate move based on practical considerations. We hope it doesn't come to that."

Informed sources describe scenes of the President, First Lady, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Jeff Gannon, aide Harriet Miers, Scott McLellan, Sen. Bill Frist and other officials. The footage is also said to include "professional sex workers."

A prominent G.O.P. fundraiser told us "Yes, I've heard about these tapes. The President's people are asleep at the wheel. There are enough rumors out about these tapes that it's already drastically affected our fundraising ability in the midterm elections."
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