Veep Dick Cheney threatens to resign (again)

The President and Vice-President following their Monday afternoon
meeting. Click to enlarge.

Between meetings at the White House with the Defense Department and a bill signing ceremony for H.R. 5683, the President and Vice President met briefly yesterday afternoon. The Vice-President was tense, according to a source within the White House, who leaked a transcript of their conversation to All This Is That.

The Vice President had recently been pressing for a meeting. Cheney was fuming by the time they had their sitdown.

"I am sick and tired of being hidden in the closet," Cheney opened.

"Dick. Dick. You gotta understand. I don't even have to say this. . .you know the kind of heat we're under," replied The President.

"Then turn me loose. I can help this you know."

"Damnit! You've seen your f***ing negatives! The best way you can help us now is to work behind the scenes."

"With all due respect, Mr. President, I've had it right up to here with behind the scenes. After all I've done for this country, after all I've done for you, to be stifled like this is wrong. Do you think we'd be where we are today if I just sat on my hands the last six years?"

"Dick Dick Dick. I give you plenty of latitude. But you forget who the President is. "

"Now that's not true at all Mr. President. "

"There's a reason you never ran for President. They just don't like you. They may not like me so much right now, but they'll come around. But the last thing we need is for you to take the cork out. For Christ Sake! We have the elections coming up in less than three months. Do you really think turning you loose is going to help us there? We lose this election as bad as some people seem to think, lame duck doesn't even begin to describe what the scene around here will be. This Presidency will be castrated. And where is that going to get either of us? We need to start thinking about our legacy."

"So my options, Mr. President, are stay in the closet or walk away?"

"And now, you're going to start the resignation s**t again?!"

"If that's what it takes, yes. I'm not going to spend the next two years sitting around here like a potted plant."

"Then resign. But you won't. This is your last whirl on the carousel. If you walk away, you'll be remembered as the guy who walked away. Is that what you've worked for? Yeah, we've back-burnered you! So what!? What choice do I have? I've had it with all this bullcrap about you being the shadow President. It's time people know who's running the show. And it's not like we're out of the woods on this whole f***ing Scooter Libby mess either! When's the other shoe gonna drop on that one?"

"You're dead wrong, George, if you think I'm worried about my "legacy." Who are you f***ing kidding? You know how many VPs make the history books? Christ! Humphrey, Rockefeller, Garner, Mondale, Wallace, Barkley! Who knows these guys were Vice President? I'll bet you don't even f***ing know who Barkley was! Or how about Charles Dawes! Gimme a f***ing break. This legacy doesn't mean s**t! Damnit! Garner said the Vice Presidency wasn't worth a pitcher of warm spit. He wasn't wrong, by the way. I have half a mind to throw in the towel tomorrow. Who needs this crap? Read your history. . .the only Vice Presidents we remember are those whose Presidents were plugged or resigned!"

"You do what you gotta do. I'll put someone in and give them a leg up in in the election."

The transcript breaks off at this point when their meeting was interrupted for a previously scheduled briefing with Secretary Rumsfeld and the Defense Policy and Programs Team.

"Let's just say it was another Mexican standoff," the White House aide told All This Is That. "Cheney threatens to quit every few months. What was strikingly different this time, is that The President said 'go ahead.' It wasn't long ago that Cheney's threats would send the President into crippling panic attacks. Those days are over. "
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