All This Is That: Airport Screeners Miss Fake Bombs 75% Of The Time

According to a story on the AP wire by Doug G. Ware, "Bogus bombs run through airport security checkpoints are not identified by screeners the vast majority of the time, according to a government report. The U.S. Transportation Security Administration ran almost 300 covert exercises at three major airports last year to see how effectively the suspicious items made it into secure areas.Testers hid the simulated explosives in clothing, toiletry kits and even CD players. And though the appearance of the items should have caused alarm in the screener, most of the time they passed right through without question."

"That is a huge cause of concern," said Clark Kent Ervin, the Homeland Security Department's former inspector general, who added that screeners' inability to identify fake bombs might encourage terrorists to "chance it" and attempt to take real weapons on board flights.

Indeed. And yet, on two occasions at the Oakland airport, the metal detector has failed to go off when I walked through the portal (note: I have a stainless steel femur! and a few other miscellaneous metal parts like clips and screws, and a porcelain covered steel socket). Both times I mentioned it to the TSA functionary who was about to pat me down. And both times, they kind of weaseled and waffled, and basically didn't want to cause any trouble with their superiors. I get frisked and patted down every time I fly, and sometimes up to four or five times on some multi-stop trips. I don't complain! I like the idea they actually look for trouble. And now we find out that fake bombs slip through.

Even when I should have set off the alarm, it didn't seem to worry the screeners. I, for my part, am not at all surprised that fake bombs can slip through. The patdowns, while seemingly relentless and intrusive, never actually cover all the turf. I don't know if it's homophobia, or squeamishness on the part of the screeners, but they never actually pat down, or even come close to brushing the nether regions. If I had a bomb, I would most decidedly place it near my crotch, or in the fold of my buttocks. They never pat down those regions (note this, smugglers). And while I continually suffer the indignity of being pulled from the line, I don't complain. I like that they do this. I'd actually prefer we all walk through the screening area naked to make double sure.