Twisted Employee Evaluations: The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

These quotes are from "actual" U.S. government employee performance evaluations, or so says techsupt.winbatch.com.  I have my doubts, but some of them are pretty amusing.

• Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
• I would not allow this employee to breed.
• This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
• When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
• He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
• This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
• Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
• A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
• He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.
• I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
• He has been working with glue too much.
• He would argue with a signpost.
• He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
• When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
• If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.
• A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
• A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
• Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.
• Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
• If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
• If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.
• If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
• It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
• One neuron short of a synapse.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
• Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
• The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

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