I really miss Merlin's 5ives.com, which has gone dormant again. This was/is one of the funniest sites that ever existed on the web. Check it out and dig back through the archives.
Five cutting-edge greeting cards
1.Mazel Tov on That Reversed Vasectomy!
2.Third Divorce is a Charm, Mom!
3.Your New Boobs Look Large and Super-Hard!
4.Condolences on Your Poorly-Thought-Out Home-Based Business!
5.I’m Minding Your Halitosis Less!
___________
Five menu items at Silver Spoon Thai that could also be the name of an unsuccessful sex worker
1.Jasmine Rice
2.Ginger Snapper
3.Rainbow Salad
4.Volcano Prawns
5.Pumpkin Curry
___________
Five terrible fake Jane Austen novels
1.Rash and Rationality
2.Punk and Punctuality
3.Beast and Bestiality
4.Funk and Functionality
5.Fried and Credulous
___________
Five ways Angelina Jolie can quickly acquire more children
1. gestate auxiliary sets of twins in climate-controlled Fendi bags
2. make Brad build a big-ass gingerbread house
3. explore viability of controversial “dorsal carriage” (a/k/a “butt fetus”)
4. surreptitiously cruise Gymboree with mallet and a sack
5. lay excess eggs in what’s left of Sean Young
___________
Five ways you’re unleashing the power of your blog
1.tearing the veil away from the morally bankrupt raincheck policy at Marshall’s
2.“crowdsourcing” the naming of your new unicycle
3.taking a symbolic day off from blogging to protest the unjust treatment of “some Oriental dude” you read about on Slashdot
4.daring to name names in the “personal holocaust of customer service” you recently suffered at Fry’s
5.funny new snapshot of your kitty, “Warrant Officer Ripley,” acting like she’s people
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