Shaggy Dog Story No. 12—The IRS Audit, a/k/a gee whiz

The IRS Audit Alas, The IRS decided to audit Grandpa and they hauled him into him to the IRS headquarters.  The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. Go ahead." Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet." Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." Now, the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The auditor is shaken down to his boots when realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He's nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The  twice burned auditor, is understandably cautious now. But he decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt.  He agrees to the bet. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants. Although he strains mightily, he can't  reach the wastebasket on the other side. He pees all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it." ---o0o---