Shaggy Dog Story No. 14: The Clone

The Clone

There is a serious scientist, a staid and quiet--yeah, stuffy; a stiff-- fellow, who is working hard on perfecting cloning. Finally, after years and years of research, many failed attempts, and numerous disappointments, it seems he has succeeded. A few cloned cells are staying alive and multiplying.  After weeks of watching, the Petri dish is full of stable, living cells.

Months later there is a full, adult human male. He is perfect in every way. He is handsome like a film star and brilliant like a Mensa member. His only lack for perfection is his mouth – he swears incessantly. Everything the clone says is laced with four-letter words and expletives.

The scientist puts up with it as he continues to study the clone in various settings but he is embarrassed every time another scientist visits or assists in his studies. He tries time and again to get the clone to stop swearing but to no avail. He has nearly lost his temper a time or two, speaking sharply at the clone, but try as he might he just cannot stop himself. But the scientist is so mild-mannered he just cannot bring himself to raise his voice, which may be the only way to stop the language.

Some time has passed and the clone is allowed outside. The scientist takes him for a walk near the cliffs overlooking the sea, observing him closely at every turn. The clone has never seen anything like the vast open fields, much less the endless sea.

“#@#*!! Look at that @##@! water! And just #@$# look at all that @$&@#$ grass!", exclaims the amazed clone.

The scientist has had enough. He screams at the top of his lungs, “NO MORE! YOU MUST STOP SWEARING!!!!”

His sudden outburst so startles the clone that he jumps backwards toward the cliff. His foot slips, he reaches for the scientist, but it’s not enough. He falls …falls… to the bottom of the cliff. The clone is dead!

The scientist returns to the lab and calls the police to report what has happened. After investigating the scientist is arrested. But he is not arrested for murder. He was arrested for something else.

He was arrested for making an Obscene Clone Fall.

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