Thursday, December 24, 2015

Scrooge by Lord Buckley (transcription)

Scrooge

by Lord Buckley


"Yes, me, I'm Scrooge and I got all Marley's barley, and I'm the baddest cat in all dis world. I been studyin' all my life how to Scrooge people, and I guarantee I done some fine work in dat direction.

"Cratchit!"

"Yes, sir."

"You busy?"

"I shorely is, sir."

"See dat you keep busy. Don't want no danglin' wanglin' around here. Keep everybody tight. And tell dem two cats come in here want to get some money I ain't givin' no money away. Dey messin' wit Scrooge. I'm takin' it in. I ain't puttin' it out. Issat clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, keep it clear. People comin' around here wantin' my gold dat's all, tryin' to pry into my vault. Every time I turn around somebody's tryin' to snap... "

"Tell my nephew I don't want to have no dinner wid him an' if he never comes in here again dat'll be too soon."

"I'll tell de cat."

"See dat ya do.

"I don't understand dese people who are after my gold. I close up dis here place and den dey ... What, what? Yeah, let me tell you somethin else - You think that you gonna get off Christmas day?"

"Well I was hopin', sir, dat you'd let me knock off just a little while for Christmas Eve cause I want to go home and cool da goose."

"Well if you gonna get off Christmas Eve you gonna have to work aaalllll day Christmas. You hear me?"

"I hear ya, sir. I'm wid it."

"Well I guess I'll go on home here."

So Scrooge takes off and he cuts on down the street. And the snow's blowin' and da winds is wooooooooin', and Scrooge is goin' along in his loose soul and his loose clothes and his hard cash box and his big money mind goin' on in his wig and he ding ding ding up da stairs and he open his door and he gets inside and he puts a double lock on da door cause he a little bugged tonight. He bein' sayin' "Humbug" so long, "Humbug dis," an' "Humbug dat," he done give himself a natural Humbug. He's got da bug hummin' in him, see. So he double-lock da door.

And he sit dere and all of a sudden dere's an old bell layin' over dere in the corner and da bell goes, ding-ding-ding-ding" and Scrooge say, "Whassat?" Dang- dong. "Whassat?" Bell started ringin' "DING DONG DOONG DOONG" Pretty soon all da bells all over the house started ringin' "Ding Ding Dang Dang Dong Ring Dong Boom Boom, Ding dong, Boom boom"

And he hear somethin' like some chain cats are pullin' all da chains from the chains of time up the hill 'a strife ringing' and dinglin' wid his whole head ringin' and dingin' wid dem chains. And bloooop! In come a cat, da wildest lookin' cat ya ever see in his life. Real gone cat.

And Scrooge does a real wild take "I know who dat stud is - dat's Marley! I know dat's Marley! What's he doin' here? Say, Marley?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Man, you sure chained up dere, man, you got chainsville all over you dere!"

"Well, I put em on myself, dat's da way I lived it. I chained myself. I hung myself up wid all dese chains, you know, bein' parsimonious, ya understand what I mean? I can't get 'em off now. I been luggin' dese chains all over da country for the past seven years."

"Dat's a long time. What's you want wit me dere, Marley Marley? cause I got your barley."

"I don't mess wid no barley no more. I wish I'd given it all away when I had it and I'm gonna tell you somethin' else, too, I'm a spook, you know dat."

"You tellin' me. I know dat. You a spook, man, an' I wanna get straight."

"I'm gonna tell you somethin else, too, Mr. Scroogie Scrooge, Dere gonna be three more gas lightin' spooks comin' in to see you."

"Three more gas lightin' spooks. Say, one spook's enough. Can't I have 'em all at one time?"

"No. Dey comin' one at a time. First one be eleven, next one be twelve, next one'll be one."

"Man, if I had known this..."

"Tell you what. You dig, Scrooge, it's what you puttin' down. You been a real sorry cat all dis time. You gonna be gassed now by dese spooks."

"Well, dey say if I gotta be gassed.. Ain't gonna cost me no money, is it?"

"Cost you more 'n dat, Scrooge."

"Dey ain't no more den money!"

"You find out."

Brrrrt. And Marley split.

And old Scrooge is sittin' dere sweatin' and dinglin' danglin'. And all of a sudden, man, he hears some crazy wild kind of a thing goin' on. He don't know just what it is and all of a sudden . . .

Boom

Here comes a great big fat spook, look like takes a hundred and seventy wings lift him off over da house top and he's got de old beat up cat and spandly legs, and strangly arms and pedicured eyes, and a whole out of his skull wiggin' up a storm and he looks at old Scrooge and he says...

Scrooge is standin' dere in the corner he feel like a disrupted small disregarded and unclaimed white mice midget-style, he's sittin' over dere.

And dis spook say, "Come wid me 'cause I is The Ghost of da Christmas Past!"

And Scrooge say, "Do I hafta?"

Say, "You certainly do!"

And he got on the ghost's wing and - brrt - they took off.

And he's flyin' old Scrooge over da top of da mountain da wind is blowin', da wind is partin' his way, and he's lookin' down, and seein' all dese crazy scenes goin' on.

Zoom!

He goes over a few more miles Takes him down to a sun-lit pasture. And da sun-lit pasture's full of children, and de're singin' and dancin' and lovin' and goin' and swingin' and Scrooge say, "Look, look, look! Dat's me down dere!"

"Yeah, dat's you, dat's you."

"I look pretty good"

"Yeah but ya don't look good now,"

He say, "I wanna hip you gotta get yourself ?

Zoom!

He takes him over to another place and he shows him a pretty little chick got dimples, three dimples on each chin, and she got three little dimpled children, and the next little dimple on da way, and dere's a real swingin' cat around there, and it's a happy time, looks like seventeen carnivals takin' off. An' Scrooge look at dis chick and say, "I remember dat chick. I could 'a married her once."

"Yeah, you coulda if you wasn't so tight wid your purse. You all was thinkin' about yourself, dat's what happened." Say, "Let me hip you further, Mister Scrooge, Let me tell you one thing: you better get everything straight that you wanna and you better straighten up."

"An' take me home."

"Yeah, I will."

Brrrrm Boom

And he's home again.

"So man, that was a shaker. This whole thing, this whole thing is shakin' me up pretty bad." He say, "I want to tell you right now . . . "

Boom!

Here comes another big spook. Ooooohhhh He's a wild lookin' spook. He's a crazy lookin' spook. He's a far-out spook, he's a gas-light spook. He's got a gas light right on the top of his wig goin' around like one of them pilot lights in a light house and he's there gassin' up the whole scene.

He say "Come with me. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present"

And Scrooge look around and sees the joint is loaded with apples and bananas and oranges and, and credalies and acralonchs and ripalips all kinds of crazy wild grapes and crazy Chistmas scenes and nuts and candy.

And he say, "Come wid me."

Brrrrrttt. Done took off again.

He said "I am The Ghost of Christmas Present." He say, "I'm gonna show you what's goin' on in dis world and how to dig Christmas and how to all enjoy."

And he took him up to a little old outcast. And there sittin on a small beat-up rock was two studs chompin' up on a can 'a beans singin', "Merry Christmas widch you, Merry Christmas widch you. Merry Christmas to the whole world" And so on and so forth.

And he showin' him the people jumpin' for joy, see how the cats that ain't got nothin' got somethin' anyway, and they're all jumpin' for joy singin' "Merry Christmas," and da bells is ringin'. Now you get yourself straight and see how things is ....

So they fly over da Cratchit's place, there little old Tiny Tim, He's sittin' over in the corner crochetin' a little crazy scene, fiddlin' around, ya know what I mean? An carryin' on, see, and they are all talkin' about this here goose, and dey look down here and this little goose about the size of a beat up retarded sparrow, and everybody's ooohin' and aahhhin' all over dis goose, and day sayin' when are we gonna spread it, and Tiny Tim say, "God bless everyone, and even up to and including Scroogy Scrooge. God bless everyone!" That's what Tiny Tim say.

And old Scrooge got red-eyed.

Brrrrt .

Took 'im back again. Sound like the whole side 'a the buildin' open up and in come a long angular spook seventeen gas lights and stove pipes hung together with jingle jangle bells all over Scrooge takes a look at this cat, Says, "Do I have to go with you?"

He says, "You certainly do, 'cause I'm The Ghost of Christmas Future."

He say, "Come wid me."

Say, "Where we goin'?"

"None 'o your business!"

He takes old Scrooge they cut off flyin' around the moonlight is shinin' down. Booom!

They're in the grave-yard. Oooh a wild OOOOoooohhhh crazy spooky graveyard and Scrooge is walkin' around and finally something stepped out at him like he was struck with the force of his eye lids, some sort of an electronic pitchfork, and he reads on one of them billboards in that grave-yard, it say, "Dis is Scrooge, the baddest cat that ever lived. He don't have nothin' he ain't got nothin' and he ain't got nothin now."

Period.

And Scrooge looked at it and . . . They're going to another place, and there's a cat say "You goin' to the funeral?" and he say, "Not me, man, I wouldn't go near that cat, dead or alive. They couldn't pay me to get near that cat." Say, "What cat is that?" And suddenly Scrooge is takin' in the coffin factory and seeing all these coffins layin' around, and see one coffin, all the rest of 'em got flowers around 'n 'dis poor little coffin got nothin on it but just some pinewood boards an' old Scrooge look up and over and he's lookin' at this and that and look all away 'cause he knows who is in dat coffin.

Zooooommmm.

He's swings on back again and the ghost puts him down and old Scrooge is shakin' and shiverin' and he finally falls into a real wild, crazy miser's coma. And he falls out for how long he don't know when and he wakes up and Mornin'!

Aaaaahh, the sun was shinin' on the glorious snow and old Scrooge is feelin' so groovey 'n so wired and he tip tip tip tip tip toes over to the window. He open the window, see a little cat, he say, "Hey, boy."

"Yes, sir."

"You know that great big giant king-size bird down in Doodley's window?"

"You mean the prize bird?"

"No," he say, "I mean that great big king-size bird." "Go get that bird. Here's a twenty."

He knocks a twenty on him. "Go get dat bird. And here's ten more for a cab, an here's five dollar for your sister, and here's twenty-two-fifty for your uncle's new bicycle. Tell anyone who wants anything, 'See Scrooge.' I'm flyin' this here Christmas. I want to see Cratchit swing out with a great big swingin' happy dinner. I'm wid it all da way!"

An' old Scrooge get dressed and he's walkin' down the street, and Ding Dong, Ding Dong Ding, the bells is ringin'. Scrooge got a big smile on his face, and people he's seen for twenty years never said hello,sayin' "Good morning, Mr. Scrooge."

"What you say, Baby?"

An' he carryin' on, carryin' on, happy as the day is long.

And he finally fell into old Bob Cratchit's place and he's got Christmas toys and Christmas joys and Christmas presents for everybody. And they'd just opened the goose, and then little Tiny Tim see him comin', he say, "God bless Mr. Scrooge. He done did the turn about. He's the Lord's boy today."

And that's the story of Scrooge. You can get wid it if you want to. There's only one way straight to the Road of Love.
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Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Alien Lore: An August, 1950 CIA UFO intelligence report

By Jack Brummet, Alien Lore Ed.

By the 1970’s researchers  knew that the CIA had a large body of UFO/alien research material.  In 1978, the group Ground Saucer Watch forced the CIA to release  900 pages of UFO records under Freedom of Information Act requests. A researcher, Brad Sparks, believes that 200 more documents were directly referenced in those 900 pages, but were not included in the release.

A recently found CIA record
seems to be a copy of information from  US Air Force Intelligence. The subject is “Unidentified Airborne Object”. “At Sea – North Atlantic” is the location. As usual, there are extensive redactions of names and other details.  See the transcription below...




1.On 4 Aug 50 at 10 am my ship, while on a heading of 2450 true, with a smooth sea and clear weather, visibility 14 miles, barometer reading 30.03, was underway from Walton, Nova Scotia, to an East Coast US port. I was in the chart room just aft the bridge when Third Mate, who was at mid-bridge checking the compass, shouted that there was a flying object off the starboard bow. I immediately ascended the conning tower and by this time the object was on our starboard beam. It was travelling on a reciprocal course to ours about 50 or 100 feet above the water at an estimated speed of over 25 mph. From the conning tower i observed it with my binoculars for a period of approximately a minute and a half when it disappeared into the horizon in a north-easterly direction. I would estimate that the closest it approached my ship was one thousand feet and it was an ovular cylindrical shaped object the like of which i have never seen before. The object was quite small and I would judge that its diameter was approximately 10 feet. It had a depth but to what extent I was unable to observe. The object made no noise and as it passed abeam our ship it appeared to pick up considerable speed. It was not flying smoothly but impressed me as having a churning or rotary motion. It had a shiny aluminium colour and sparkled in the sunlight.

XXXXX Chief Mat XXXXX

2. I was on the main deck, port side, just forward of the bridge when the Third Mate shouted there was an object on our starboard bow. I looked off to the starboard and saw an object elliptic shape looking like half an egg cut lengthwise travelling at a great rate of speed on a course reciprocal to our own. I immediately ran out to the stern, port side, and with my glasses was able to observe the object disappearing into the horizon. From the time I was first alerted to its presence until it disappeared for site, 15 seconds elapsed. I believe that it was travelling at a tremendous rate of speed, probably faster than 500 mph. During the time I saw it, it was approximately 70 feet off the water and i judge it was approximately 10 miles away. I clearly saw its shadow on the water. I last observed it off the starboard quarter and it seemed to be increasing its speed and ascending. It had an elliptic shape and I could clearly see that it had three dimensions. It wobbled in the air, made no noise, and was a metallic white in colour. The length was approximately six times the breadth and its belly had a depth of possibly 5’.

XXXXX Third Mate, XXXXX

3. At 10:00 am on 4 Aug 50 as I was checking the compass at mid-bridge through a bridge port hole, I observed a flying object off the starboard bow. I immediately shouted to the Captain, who was in the chart room, and the Chief Mate, who was below on the port deck, of my observation and went out onto the flying bridge myself. The object was approximately 70’ above the horizon at a distance of 12 miles. It came toward us, then ran on a course reciprocal to our and turned off into the horizon in the northeast. I clearly saw its shadow on the water. Its impression of the object was that it was elliptical, not unlike a Japanese diamond box kite in shape. I have no idea of its size but length was ix times the breadth and it had a depth of from two to five feet. It made no noise and was travelling at a tremendous rate of speed. As it traveled through the air it made a spinning or wobbly motion. After it disappeared in the horizon, I saw it reappeared several seconds later, ascending at even faster speed than when I first observed it. I have no idea what this object was, I never saw anything comparable to it before, and it was one of the most frightening experiences I have ever had. I roughly estimate that the object travelled 28 miles during the 15 seconds I had it under observation.


Collector’s Note: The Chief and Third Mates were interviewed on 8 August by two Intelligence Officers. The Captain who was absent at that time, was interviewed on 9 August by only one of the two Intelligence Officers. In describing the occurrences, the Chief and Third Mate reenacted their behaviour at the time of sighting, and the period from the time the Chief Mate saw the object abeam until he reached the after deck and saw it disappear off the starboard quarter was timed at 15 seconds. In laying the angles of observation out on a chart and assuming the object was ten miles distant and taking the time into account, it is evident it was certainly travelling at a very high rate of speed, which approximated 400 to 500 miles per hour. It will be noted that there is a tremendous discrepancy between the Captains estimate of speed and the estimate of the two officers which could not be explained as they were very careful in making their statements and asserted that their observations had been correct. All three men were quite evidently very much upset by the sighting. Aside from the discrepancies, it was quite evident to the Intelligence Officers who interviewed these men that they had certainly seen some conventional type of aircraft. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Monday, December 21, 2015

ATIT Reheated: Eight Bad Santas

By Mona Goldwater, Holiday Editor








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A horde of Santa Clauses and Frosty the Snowmen

[Photographer/context unknown]
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Lindsay Graham drops out of Presidential contest - a voice of sanity silenced

By Jack Brummet, Tea-Party/GOP Ed.

It does matter that Senator Graham is dropping out. At times, as hard as it is to believe, Sen. Graham was actually a voice of sanity in the GOP-Tea Party.




As Rachel Maddow pointed out earlier today, 


"Keep in mind, Senate Republicans have, by and large, stayed on the sidelines in the GOP presidential race. Of the 54 Republican senators in the chamber, only 11 have made endorsements (one, John McCain, backed Graham, which actually brings the overall total down to 10 as of this morning). "The chatter on Capitol Hill has been that much of the conference has held back largely out of deference towards Graham, whom they’ve worked alongside for many years. The thinking has been simple: once Graham quits, senators can start intervening in earnest, without fear of hurting their friend’s feelings."


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Sunday, December 20, 2015

Steve Jobs did not express regrets on his deathbed


By Jack Brummet, Sub-Tech. Ed


Ok, I admit, I'm a little cranky because this was posted five times today in my Facebook feed.  

Steve Jobs did not leave a tidy little speech or writings about his regrets on his deathbed.  What you see posted on FB every day attributed to him are not his words.  In fact, no one knows who wrote them.  

Further, according to Steve Jobs' sister, his last words were "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow." Whatever you think of Steve Jobs, those are just maybe the best parting words, ever. Maybe the most hopeful, ever.  Or right up there.
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Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Drawing: Faces #1298

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The Beatles celebrate the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare's birth (April, 1964)

The Beatles celebrate Shakespeare's 400th birthday with a scene from A Midsummer Nights Dream, as part of a one-hour television special,  [Ed's Note; We could not find credits for the photographer]





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Monday, December 14, 2015

Bill Cosby files a defamation of character suit against seven of his accusers

By Jack Brummet, Jurisprudence Ed.


Some of the details of the suit are included in this press release by his attorney, Monique Pressley. He is asking for compensatory AND punitive monetary damages as well as enjoining the defendants from speaking about this again...except when they "publicly retract and correct their defamatory statements."

Drawing: Faces #1297 - Waiting Room

By Jack Brummet


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