Five Sports Quotes You Might Like

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

It's Things Like This That Make Me Think The Press Are A Pack Of Treacherous, Unprincipled Weasels

VPOTUS Dick Cheney's green parka and boots stood out at yesterday's 60th anniversary of the liberation of the Nazis' Auschwitz death camp. It alarmed the fashion police.

It's freezing there. He's 65. He's had, what, three heart attacks? I don't mind if he bundles up. I guess what the press didn't like is that he dressed like a normal American knucklehead, in a parka, stocking hat, and lace-up boots.

Washington Post fashion writer Robin Givhan described Cheney's look at the deeply moving 60th anniversary service as "the kind of attire one typically wears to operate a snow blower." "The vice president looked like an awkward child amid the well-dressed adults," she said.

What a steaming pile, Robin! There aren't many politicians I like less than the Vice President, but please come up with some substance, guys! It's not like the Administration doesn't have plenty of garbage you can dig up. But, no, Robin, you focus on the haberdashery.

Click on the title to link to the AP article. /jack
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Smile

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Photograph of employees at Jack's work. Photographer unknown. Digital enhancements by Jack, 2004.

qui tam pro domino rege quam pro si ipso in hac parte sequiter

Following ongoing revelations of government-funded propaganda, including bogus video news releases from the drug czar and DHHS, and White House payments to two "journalists," Senators Kennedy (D-Mass) and Lautenberg (D-NJ) are about to introduce a Stop Government Propaganda Act.

The President claims to be completely in the dark about the propaganda payments, or about any skullduggery. It's not that big of a leap to picture POTUS being in the dark about anything. The Act states, "Funds appropriated to an Executive branch agency may not be used for publicity or propaganda purposes within the United States unless authorized by law."

"It's time for Congress to shut down the Administration's propaganda mill," Lautenberg said in a statement. "It has no place in the United States Government."

"The act would allow citizens to bring qui tam lawsuits on behalf of the U.S. government when the Department of Justice does not respond. If the matter is taken to court, the bill proposes that the senior official responsible would be fined three times the amount of the 'misspent taxpayer funds' plus an additional fine ranging from $5,000 to $10,000. And if a citizen's qui tam suit is accepted, the bill proposes that the plaintiff receives between 25 and 30% of the proceeds of the fine," Senatory Kennedy explained. "It's an abuse of taxpayer funds and an abuse of the First Amendment and freedom of the press. If the President is serious about stopping these abuses, he will support this legislation."

Qui tam (“key' tom”) is shorthand for the Latin, qui tam pro domino rege quam pro si ipso in hac parte sequiter, or, “who sues on behalf of the King as well as for himself.” Early English kings had no Justice Dept. or FBI or Homeland Security to prosecute thefts from the Privy Purse. Kings used their subjects to bring “popular actions” to protect the royal treasure trove. The lawsuits were known as qui tam actions. If an action was successful, the king would receive part recovered mon and the prosecuting subject, the rest. It looks like most qui tam suits now come from "whistleblowers," although Keelin Curran or Dave Hokit may disagree with my usual half-baked understanding of The Law.
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Painting: Flag 16

click image to enlarge. /jack

Adlai Stevenson's Proposal

"I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them."

Federal Communications Commission To The Parents Television Council: Quit Dicking Around!

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You may call President Nixon by his nickname, Dick. [1]
You may call the late President a dick, a synonym for jerk. [2]
You may not refer to RMN's sexual organ, using his nickname's homonym. [3]
You may not be able to say that ex-POTUS Richard Nixon "d***ed" the people of the United States. [4]
You may say that he dicked around too long with Watergate. [5]
You may say that he dicked the Vietnamese War. [6]

In a move guaranteed to absolutely muck up the Maginot Line of Decency, the F.C.C. denied 36 indecency complaints yesterday. Those complaints were filed by the Parents Television Council, conservative watchdogs that file thousands of complaints each year. This notoriously priggish group of killjoys has criticized the F.C.C's crackdown on indecency as not being punitive enough on broadcasters. Today, Tim Winter, executive director of the PTC, is squealing like a mortally wounded swamp sow.

The complaints booted by the F.C.C. stem from episodes of shows such as "NYPD Blue," "Dawson's Creek" and "Boston Public." The offending programs feature characters using a term that is a synonym for "jerk."[2] Other complaints the F.C.C. denied focused on episodes of "Friends," "Will & Grace," "Scrubs" and other programs in which the characters discussed sex.

We know that of the hundreds of thousands of words in the English language, there are seven you cannot say on broadcast TV.

Television may show buttocks. "NYPD Blue" had episodes in which both Dennis Franz and David Caruso's buttocks were shown (boo) as well as showing the buttocks of Kim Delaney and Andrea Thompson (hurrah).

Television is permitted to show dead people naked if they are piled in a mass grave [7]. The breasts and buttocks of non-white people are routinely shown in National Geographic TV specials. You may show the breasts and buttocks and even full frontal nudity of white people, if they are prisoners of war, or interned in a death camp [8]. It is OK to show a nipple if it has a sword or knife through it, but not if it has a ring through it. In fact, it's probably not kosher to show many of these parts if the person has a heartbeat. It was not OK when Janet Jackson aired her nipple out for three seconds.

It's hard to know what we know. Will the new F.C.C. Chairperson step up the crackdown, or continue to ease up the rules (if that is what is happening here)?. Rejecting these claims seems like an interesting step. The PTC, naturally, would like to see one of their own in the Chairman position. The next thing we hear from from the F.C.C. may well be a "course correction." Steady as she goes, fellas!

[1] Among others, nicknames for Richard include, Rich, Richie, Rick, and Dick.
[2] Or, a person, almost always a man, regarded as mean or contemptible.
[3] A vulgar synonym for the penis, along with Johnson, John Thomas, tallywhacker, member, one-eyed Jack, and hundreds of other synonyms. The Germans refer to all genitalia as "the parts of shame. "
[4] Since that usage alludes to the vulgar term for the act of sexual intercourse.
[5] Here, dicked means to spend time idly, or, fool around.
[6] Dicked, in this sense meaning "to botch or bungle."
[7] In numerous documentaries and news programs on The Holocaust and the German concentration camps.
[8] Spielberg's "Schindler's List," broadcast on national television, included several scenes of frontal nudity.
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poem: Not Past Tense Yet

I can't get him out of my mind;
he's been out of his own for years.

He stares into the cracked mirror,
hoping that spontaneous combustion

will take him to that cold island
across the river.
---o0o---

jack brummet

Not This Future

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foo

Pretty In Pink And Deranged: A Mark Ryden Show In Seattle

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I went to see Mark Ryden's show this weekend at the Frye Art Museum in Seattle. I went twice. Wow. He is an amazing figurative and technical painter, and a master of juxtaposition, of color and light, and of evoking bygone images and concepts, alongside the modern. Ryden's work makes most of the famed surrealist painters look like chumps.

These thirty paintings are dense, whimsical, terrifying, and always surprising. Ryden's art seems to echo Freud, Surrealism, Classic painting, symbolism, dream theory, and French ultra-realist painters, as well as being influenced by realistic (and nostalgic) children's book art. Forget all this blather, 'though, and just go see the show. I haven't enjoyed a modern painter's work so much in many years.

The frames in this exhibition are some of the coolest I have ever seen. In some cases, he appears to have the frames entirely custom made--carved, finished, and aged. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the frames cost $10,000 to make. They alone are worth seeing.

If you live near Seattle, or Pasadena, where the show will move in February, don't miss this disturbing and exhilarating show...

His web site http://www.markryden.com is well worth visiting. The show catalog is wonderful, and is available at the Frye, and at Amazon.com.
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Johnny Carson

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Breaking news reports this morning say Johnny Carson has died. Johnny was a huge pop culture presence, and if you are "of a certain age," you remember when he was on television that there was little else on. By the time The Tonight Show came on at 11:30 PT, a lot of the other stations had signed off for the night (even major cities only had a few stations). I won't go on about how iconic he was, or about how he helped break so many major comedians, or how he was "cool" in the Hugh Hefner/Rat Pack sort of world. You'll be able to read about him later today.

The Beach Boys (when Brian Wilson was in his seriously wacked out phase) wrote a song entitled Johnny Carson. It was one of their very strangest songs ever (right up there with Take Good Care of Your Feet). The lyrics don't do the song justice...you have to hear it to appreciate how truly bizarre it is:

He sits behind his microphone
John-ny Car-son
He speaks in such a manly tone
John-ny Car-son
Ed McMahon comes on and says "Here's Johnny"
Every night at eleven thirty he's so funny

It's (nice) to (have) you (on) the (show) tonight
I've seen (your) act (in) Vegas out of sight
When guests are boring he fills up the slack
John-ny Car-son
The network makes him break his back
John-ny Car-son

Ed McMahon comes on and says "Here's Johnny"
Every night at eleven thirty he's so funny
Don't (you) think (he's) such (a) natural guy
The (way) he's (kept) it (up) could make you cry

Who's a man that we admire?
Johnny Carson is a real live wire.
[repeat chorus four times]
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Random Numbers And Deviates

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A classic and strange book has been reissued. A Million Random Digits With 100,000 Normal Deviates [1] by our old friends, The Rand Corporation. It retails for $30 (paperback) and you can get it for $20 at amazon. The reviews, of course, are hilarious geek humor. Click on the title of this entry to read more about the book. Or buy it!

[1] The book routinely used by statisticians, physicists, polltakers, market analysts, lottery administrators, and quality control engineers. A 2001 article in the New York Times on the value of randomness featured the original edition of the book, published in 1955 by the Free Press. The rights have since reverted to RAND, and in this digital age, they wanted to reissue a new edition of the book in its original format.