The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld IX::::::Accuracy

Accuracy

If I said yes
That would then suggest
That that might be the only place
Where it might be done
Which would not be accurate--
Necessarily accurate.

It might also not be inaccurate
but I'm disinclined to mislead anyone
---o0o---

The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld VIII::::::Litany: What I Don't Do

Litany: What I Don't Do

I don't do quagmires.
I don't do diplomacy.
I don't do foreign policy.
I don't do predictions.
I don't do numbers.
I don't do book reviews.
---o0o---

[each line is from a different press briefing)

The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld VII::::::What I Think

What I think

I believe
What I said yesterday

I don't know
What I said,

But I know
What I think and--

Well, I assume
It's what I said.
---o0o---

[A new one, from an undated quote from a briefing]

The Poetry of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld VI:::::Predicting The Future

Predicting The Future

I would not say that the future
Is necessarily less predictable
Than the past.

I think the past
Was not predictable
When it started.
---o0o---

The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Part V:::::A Confession

It's become a mania, and I am starting to make my own Rummy poems from briefings and press conferences..which I am now mixing in with the already known Rummy poems.


A Confession

Once in a while,
I'm standing here
Doing something

And I think

What in the world
Am I doing here?

It's a big surprise.
---o0o---

(Interview with the New York Times May 16, 2001)

The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Part IV::::::The Digital Revolution

The Digital Revolution

Oh my goodness gracious,
What you can buy off the Internet
In terms of overhead photography!

A trained ape
Can know an awful lot
Of what is going on in this world,
Just by punching on his mouse
For a relatively modest cost!
---o0o---
(press briefing following his European trip June 9, 2001)

Matt "Sleazeball" Drudge Strikes Again

Click image to enlarge.

This morning on the Drudge Report, the headline was "Cindy Sheehan arrested at White House in cunning stunt." The headline is a play on the joke that goes something like "A cunning stunt, or a stunning c***." As he almost always does when he crosses the line, he changed the headline shortly after to "FUN: CINDY ARRESTED AT WHITE HOUSE.
---o0o---

Poem: Dogpaddling

Dogpaddling

Caught in the riptide
She went down
Like an anchor

But sweet life pulled her
Wobbling to the surface
Like an air bubble

Her fear sprouted fins
And she dogpaddled
Like she was going home
---o0o---

The Poetry Of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Part 3::::::That's Life

On NATO

You may think it's something
I ought to know,
But I happen not to.
That's life.
---o0o---
(July 9, 2003)



On Reporters

If you do something,
Somebody's not going
To agree with it.
That's life.
---o0o---
(Feb. 19, 2003)



On The Budget [1]

If you do anything,
Someone's not going
To like it and
That's life.
---o0o---
[1] May 7, 2002. Yes, he did say nearly the identical
thing a year later, about reporters.



On Leaks

Look bumpy? Sure.
But you pick up
And go on.
That's life.
---o0o---
(May 17, 2002)



On Democracy

People elected
Those people to office.
That's what they think, and
That's life.
---o0o---
(Feb. 20, 2003)



On People

They're going to have
Some impact on
What happens in that country
And that's not wrong.
That's life.
---o0o---
(Nov. 16, 2001)



On Criticism

It makes it complicated.
Sometimes, it makes
It difficult.
That's life.
---o0o---
(Sept. 11, 2003)
---o0o---

Speculations On Blogging

Two bloggers wrote me this week, asking permission to reprint my story "Fishing With The Old Man" in an anthology of "the blogosphere." I dislike that word almost as much as "cyberspace."

Interestingly, they didn't find the story on All This Is That[tm], but on three other blogs that mine blogs for articles they like. . .these blogs all gave credit and even reproduced the All This Is That[tm] copyright notice. This has also happened with some of my jobs stories, the one about egging cars, a political rant, and some of the poems and art as well. That's fine. It's not like they're cutting into my profits (the income from this blog totals between twenty cents and a dollar a month from ad clickthroughs).

Blogging, at times, becomes a world of funhouse mirrors, reflecting off each other; an incestuous, inwardly referential blog to blog world. Blogs anthologizing blogs. Blogs writing for, to, and about other blogs. Blogs mining other blogs (as I sometimes do...including yesterday, when I referred to another blog that published an article about Al Gore's presidential prospects).

It's a little like poets--if you buy a small press poetry magazine, there's a strong chance that most of the other purchasers or subscribers are all poets too. It is fascinating how many people utilize the NEXT BLOG button, and just surf through whatever random blog pops up next. I can tell about those in my traffic reports because those people all come from other blogspot blogs. Because the story appears without the usual formatting, they probably took it from the newsreader site feed for this blog (jackbrummet.blogspot.com/atom.xml). Click here to read the fishing story.
---o0o---

Poem: Clarity By Donald Rumsfeld

I like these poems so much that I have no problem resurrecting them two years later. I wasn't blogging when they originally appeared. I will be posting at least two more of my favorites.

Reprinting these poems also gives me the chance to put up pictures of Rummy, who is always good for some wacky photos.

As much as I disagree with his policies, I have a soft spot for Rummy. He was a real hard-ass in his early years, but on his second trip through the White House--and please don't rip into me, liberals--I find him an avuncular presence, at least when you compare him to the likes of Condi Rice, Tom Ridge, Luis Gonzales, John Ashcroft, et al.





Clarity [1]

I think what you'll find--
I think what you'll find is,
Whatever it is we do substantively,

There will be near-perfect clarity
As to what it is.

And it will be known--
And it will be known to the Congress,
And it will be known to you,

Probably before we decide it--
But it will be known.
---o0o---

[1] Feb. 28, 2003 briefing

Poem: Those Glass Boxes By Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

You may have heard about the poetry of our Secretary of Defense. A while back, someone published these versified excerpts of Rumsfeld's speech. Someone set them to music and is selling CDs of the resulting songs. Some of these are true classics. I present here, Those Glass Boxes.


Those Glass Boxes

You know, it's the old glass box at the—
At the gas station,
Where you're using those little things
Trying to pick up the prize,

And you can't find it.
It's—
And it's all these arms are going down in there,
And so you keep dropping it

And picking it up again and moving it,
But—
Some of you are probably too young to remember those—
Those glass boxes,

But—
But they used to have them
At all the gas stations
When I was a kid.
---o0o---


poem verbatim from a Department of Defense news briefing, 12-6-2001