Click to enlarge: drawing by Jack Brummet
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Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Government stimulus: the joke
By Pablo Fanque
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor
The New “Stimulus” Package
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
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Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor
It is fascinating seeing photos of Republican Senators and Representatives, who gave speeches denouncing the "stimulus package," handing out stimulus $$$. Hundreds of web sites and blogs have posted pictures of the stimulus detractors back home, posing with gigantic--think of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes--faux checks they hand over to their constituents businesses.
Which reminds me of a joke I heard not along ago. I don't know if they classify jokes like they do folk takes, but this would definitely be Joke 22A. . .you've heard it before, cast in a different light.
The New “Stimulus” Package
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
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Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Sons - an old internet/email meme
__________________
For people who have sons; and those of us who are happy that we don't.
You may find out interesting things when you have sons, like...
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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Monday, February 08, 2010
Sarah Palin rocks the house at the Tea Party in Nashville. Not that hard, since everyone else dropped out.
"Say he played the war card, say he decided to declare war on Iran or decided to really come out and do whatever he could to support Israel which I would like him to do, but that changes the dynamics on what we can assume is going to happen between now and three years because I think if the election were today, I do not think that Obama would be re-elected." - Sarah Palin, on Saturday.
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Sunday, February 07, 2010
Poem: The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile by Jack Brummet
We recently wrote about what we hoped might be a new shot at a tenth planet (disregarding for now the fact that scientists last year "demoted" Pluto). A couple years ago, we published a poem by Jack on what was then the current candidate for the Tenth Planet:
The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile
by Jack Brummet
Is it a planet or not?
It depends on
What it's orbiting around.
A planet must orbit a star.
Round objects floating freely
Through space don't count.
If an object orbits a much larger object
That is not a star
Then it's not a planet either.
Scientists are slated to announce
Very soon whether or not that rock
Floating out there is the tenth planet
Or not.
If it isn't
Then what?
---o0o---
The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile
by Jack Brummet
Is it a planet or not?
It depends on
What it's orbiting around.
A planet must orbit a star.
Round objects floating freely
Through space don't count.
If an object orbits a much larger object
That is not a star
Then it's not a planet either.
Scientists are slated to announce
Very soon whether or not that rock
Floating out there is the tenth planet
Or not.
If it isn't
Then what?
---o0o---
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Poem: When Evil Fails
In the end, evil konks out
Like a squid simmered in its own ink,
Because evil fails the moment
It overwhelms the good,
Consuming the very energy
To which it owed its duration.
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Like a squid simmered in its own ink,
Because evil fails the moment
It overwhelms the good,
Consuming the very energy
To which it owed its duration.
---o0o---
Friday, February 05, 2010
Alien Lore No. 167 - The Tenth Planet On Its Way? Hubble Observes P/2010 A2 traveling at 11,000 miles per hour
Thanks to Jeff Clinton for referring this story. It appeared on Gizmodo originally, but we used mostly the Hubble and NASA sites for info. Photo reproduced courtesy of NASA, and You, the American Taxpayer.
The Hubble recently uncovered a weird X-shaped object traveling through space at around 11,000 mph. NASA says that P/2010-A2 is probably be a comet or the aftermath of a collision between two asteroids. [Editor's note, unless my math is wrong, they could be here in a year or so??]
This NASA Hubble Space Telescope photo below shows a comet-like P/2010 A2, which was first discovered by the LINEAR (Lincoln Near-Earth Asteroid Research program) sky survey on January 6.
The object appears so odd in ground-based telescopic images that NASA decided to book a little time on Hubble to take a closer look. This January 29 picture shows a "bizarre X-pattern of filamentary structures near the point-like nucleus of the object and trailing streamers of dust," according to NASA
The inset picture suggests the object is not a comet but instead the product of a head-on collision between two asteroids. ASA says that astronomers have "long thought that the asteroid belt is being ground down through collisions, but such a smashup has never before been seen."
At the time of the Hubble observations, the object was approximately 180 million miles from the Sun and 90 million from Earth. The bottom line on P/2010 A2 is that no one who is supposed to know has any idea where it came from or where it's going. Naturally, we at All This Is That believe that it is the fabled Tenth Planet, come home to join us, rescue us, or invade us.
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This NASA Hubble Space Telescope photo below shows a comet-like P/2010 A2, which was first discovered by the LINEAR (Lincoln Near-Earth Asteroid Research program) sky survey on January 6.
The inset picture suggests the object is not a comet but instead the product of a head-on collision between two asteroids. ASA says that astronomers have "long thought that the asteroid belt is being ground down through collisions, but such a smashup has never before been seen."
At the time of the Hubble observations, the object was approximately 180 million miles from the Sun and 90 million from Earth. The bottom line on P/2010 A2 is that no one who is supposed to know has any idea where it came from or where it's going. Naturally, we at All This Is That believe that it is the fabled Tenth Planet, come home to join us, rescue us, or invade us.
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The Supermarket
He says, "Do you know me?"
She smiles and says
"I think you're the father of one of my kids."
He is, of course, stunned. His mind reels back to the one time he was unfaithful to his wife.
"You're the stripper from my bachelor party? I remember. We had sex on the pool table while your partner whipped me with wet celery."
She smiles and says,
"No. I'm your son's math teacher."
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Thursday, February 04, 2010
Drawing: Faces No. 107: abductions, the jury pool, the affair, checking out, murder, the return of the king, and other scenes from Turtle Island
Drawing by Jack Brummet
click to enlarge
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