Poem: Frontier Justice

by Jack Brummet 

 1  
A roiling thunderstorm clears the air
Like Wyatt Earp's peacekeeper

 2  
A bad beginning can be overcome
But a good end lasts forever

          ---o0o---

The history of the universe (in 200 words)

By Jack Brummet
Unexplained Phenomena Editor

This is Eric Schulman's "History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less."  I have been been grokking on this one for a couple of weeks (and looking up the words and phrases I didn't understand).  Wow.

These 200 words inspired A Briefer History of Time which also led to the Annals of Improbable Research Universal History Translation Project. [From the AIR, Volume III, Number 1, January/February 1997, page 27.]
 

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Deuterium and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Cluster formation. Reionization? Violent relaxation. Virialization. Biased galaxy formation? Turbulent fragmentation. Contraction. Ionization. Compression. Opaque hydrogen. Massive star formation. Deuterium ignition. Hydrogen fusion. Hydrogen depletion. Core contraction. Envelope expansion. Helium fusion. Carbon, oxygen, and silicon fusion. Iron production. Implosion. Supernova explosion. Metals injection. Star formation. Supernova explosions. Star formation. Condensation. Planetesimal accretion. Planetary differentiation. Crust solidification. Volatile gas expulsion. Water condensation. Water dissociation. Ozone production. Ultraviolet absorption. Photosynthetic unicellular organisms. Oxidation. Mutation. Natural selection and evolution. Respiration. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciation. Homo sapiens manifestation. Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Civilization! Innovation. Exploration. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution. Election. Expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation Proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World conflagration. League of Nations. Suffrage extension. Depression. World conflagration. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. Reunification. Dissolution. World-Wide Web creation. Composition. Extrapolation?

Copyright 1996-1997 by Eric Schulman.

---o0o---

Hillary Clinton about to announce candidacy for President

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Ed. (illustration by Jack Brummet)

The Big Announcement will probably happen next week. She has two weeks to go official, since it appears she has rented a campaign headquarters in Brooklyn. /Pablo F (illustration by Jack B)

Seattle rain and the Beaufort Scale

By Jack Brummet, Hydration Ed.

Seattle, Washington is well-known for its rain, but many cities have greater rainfall than Seattle (especially in the east, and particularly Louisiana and Alabama [it's the Gulf]. It rains very often in Seattle, but it is often a drizzle or sprinkle. The rain in other cities is often heavier, causing them to have larger averages.

Tonight, the sky is dotted with cirrus clouds. Sometime in the next few hours, I expect we will see them converge. . .rain is predicted for tomorrow. The clouds tonight are scattered enough that you can still see numerous stars and glimpses of the moon.

The annual rainfall in Seattle ranges is almost always between 37 and 39 inches.

Average Rainfall in Seattle by month:
Jan 5.13
Feb 4.18
Mar 3.75
Apr 2.59
May 1.78
June 1.49
July 0.79
Aug 1.02
Sep 1.63
Oct 3.19
Nov 5.90
Dec 5.62
Total 37.07

According to Livescience.com, Seattle is actually pretty far down the list of rainy cities, with a little over three feet of rain. Many cities in Florida and Louisiana get a couple feet more rain than Seattle, and there are cities in Alaska and Hawaii that receive over eight feet of rain annually. New York City gets at least three more inches of rain than Seattle does, annually; those inches, however, fall on far fewer days.

The Top Ten US cities for rainfall:

Mobile, Alabama--67 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average annual rainy days

Pensacola, Florida--65 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual
rainy days

New Orleans, Louisiana--64 inches average annual rainfall; 59 average
annual rainy days

West Palm Beach, Florida--63 inches average annual rainfall; 58 average
annual rainy days

Lafayette, Louisiana--62 inches average annual rainfall; 55 average annual
rainy days

Baton Rouge, Louisiana--62 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average
annual rainy days

Miami, Florida--62 inches average annual rainfall; 57 average annual rainy days

Port Arthur, Texas--61 inches average annual rainfall; 51 average annual
rainy days

Tallahassee, Florida--61 inches average annual rainfall; 56 average annual
rainy days

Lake Charles, Louisiana [Lake Charles is also the name of my favorite Lucinda Williams song] --58 inches average annual rainfall; 50 average annual rainy days

The rain in Seattle splashes, burbles, spouts, gushes, mists, pours, pounds, drizzles, sprinkles, and precipitates. Rain is really just the condensation of atmospheric water vapor into drops heavy enough to fall, often making it to the surface of our planet. Much of this planet depends on rain for fresh water, both collecting on the surface, and in creeks, rivers, and ponds, as well as recharging the subterranean aquifers and springs that we tap with our wells. In many parts of the world--specifically the arid desert regions--water never even reaches the surface. This phenomena is known as virga. In Seattle, we do not experience virga.

According to the Wikipedia, "The fine particulate matter produced by car exhaust and other human sources of pollution forms cloud condensation nuclei, leads to the production of clouds and increases the likelihood of rain. As commuter and commercial traffic cause pollution to build up over the course of the week, the likelihood of rain increases: it peaks by Saturday, after five days of weekday pollution has been built up. In heavily populated areas that are near the coast, such as the United States' Eastern Seaboard, the effect can be dramatic: there is a 22% higher chance of rain on Saturdays than on Mondays."

I can't determine who came up with the Beaufort rain scale. It's been drifting around the interweb for a long long time now...you can find it in some places with huge lists of recipients, and about twelve carats > in front of every single line.

The Beaufort Rain Scale

Force 0: Complete Dryness. Absence of rain from the air. The gap between two periods of wet. Associated Phrase: "It looks like it might rain."

Force 1: Scotch Mist. Presence of wet in the air, hovering rather than falling. You can feel damp on your face but if you supinate your hand, nothing lands on it. Associated Phrase: "I think it's trying to rain."

Force 2: Individual drops. Individual drops of rain falling, but quite separate as if they are all freelance and not part of the same corporate effort. If switched on now, windscreen wipers make an awful screeching noise. Spectacle wearers begin to grumble. A newspaper being read outside begins to speckle. Associated Phrase: "It's spitting."

Force 3: Fine Rain. Raindrops falling together now, but still invisibly, like the spray which
drifts off a fountain with the wind behind. Ignored by all sportsmen except Test cricketers, who dash for cover. Spectacle wearers walk into oncoming traffic. Windscreen wipers, when switched on, make the windscreen totally opaque. If being read outside, a newspaper gets damp.

Force 4: Visible Light Shower. Hair starts to congeal around ears. First rainwear appears. People start to remember washing left out. Ignored by all sportsmen except Wimbledon players, who dash for cover. A newspaper being read outside starts to tear slightly. Associated Phrases: "It's starting to come down now," "It won't last," and "It's settled in for the day now."

Force 5: Drizzle. Shapes beginning to be visible in rain for the first time, usually drifting from right to left. Windscreen wipers are too slow at slow speed, too fast at fast speed. Shower-proof rainwear turns out to be shower-proof all right, but not drizzle-proof. First damp feeling inside either shoes or neckline. Butterflies take evasive action and begin to fly straight. A newspaper being read in the open starts to turn to pulp.

Force 6: Downpour. You can see raindrops bouncing on impact, like charter planes landing. Leaves and petals recoil when hit. Anything built of concrete begins to look nasty. Eyebrows become waterlogged. Horse racing called off. Wet feeling rises above ankles and starts for knees. Butterflies fly backwards. A newspaper being read in the open divides into two. Gardeners watering the flowers begin to think about packing it in.

Force 7: Squally, Gusty Rain. As Force 6, but with added wind. Water starts to be forced up your nostrils. Maniacs leave home and head for the motorway in their cars. Butterflies start walking. Household cats and dogs become unpleasant to handle. Cheaper clothes start to come to bits. Associated Phrases: "It's pissing down now," and "There's some madman out in the garden trying to read a newspaper."

Force 8: Torrential Rain. The whole world outside has been turned into an en suite douche. It starts raining inside umbrellas. Windscreen wipers become useless. The ground looks as if it is steaming. Butterflies drown. Your garments start merging into each other and becoming indistinguishable. Man reading newspaper in the open starts to disintegrate. All team games except rugby, football, and water polo called off. Associated Phrase: "Jesus, will you look at that coming down."

Force 9: Cloudburst. Rain so fierce that it can only be maintained for a minute or two. Drops so large that they hurt if they hit you. Water gets into your pockets and forms rock-pools. Windscreen wipers are torn off cars. Too wet for water-skiing. Instantaneous rivers form on roads, and man reading newspaper floats past. Rain runs up windows.

Force 10: Hurricane. Not defined inland - the symptoms are too violent and extreme (cars floating, newspaper readers lost at sea, people drowned by inhaling rain, etc.). So, if hurricane conditions do appear to pertain, look for some other explanation.

---o0o---

Painting: In-betweens

By Jack Brummet

---o0o---

The Eruption of Mount Edgecumbe

By Jack Brummet, Volcanology Ed.

Photo by Harold Wahlman

This is a leftover from April Fool's Day I never got around to posting.  The residents of Sitka, Alaska woke up on April 1, 1974 to see clouds of black smoke were rising from the crater of Mount Edgecumbe, a dormant, nearby volcano. People went out into the streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it would erupt. 

A local practical joker named Porky Bickar had flown hundreds of old tires into the volcano's crater and lit them on fire (note the day this occurred) to fool city dwellers into believing the volcano was coming back to life.

Great prank.  How can I fly a few hundred tires into the crater of Mount Rainier?

---o0o---

Jesus and the Dinosaurs

By Jack Brummet, Bible Ed.

TruthInGenesis.com tells us:

 "The Bible says that God created all the land animals, including dinosaurs and man, on Day 6. So yes, dinosaurs and man did live together in the past. However, they didn’t call them dinosaurs. They called them dragons. Dragons are mentioned in the Bible 34 times."

There are a surprising number of websites and blogs out there debunking the science and making the case for Christianity AND dinosaurs, because The Great Deceiver has been using dinosaurs to achieve his nefarious ends.  Here are some images we found, along with quotes pulled from TruthInGenesis and some other sites:

"You won't find Tyrannosaurus Rex or the term "dinosaur" anywhere in the Bible. Yet, Scripture does use the Hebrew word tanniyn to describe a mysterious creature resembling a giant reptile. This being appears 28 times in the Old Testament, with English translations referring to it most often as a dragon, but also as a sea-monster, serpent and whale."

 "There could be a few still around. It is impossible to know what is living on every square inch of this planet. Most of the dinosaurs were killed during the flood of Noah’s day. Dinosaurs getting off of Noah’s ark faced a very different and harsh environment from that of the pre-flood world. Many died as a result of this post-flood climate change."

"Jesus affirmed that mankind has existed “from the beginning of the creation” (Mark 10:6); this certainly excludes the notion that dinosaurs became extinct millions of years before man appeared upon the planet."

"There is a growing body of evidence that dinosaurs and humans were contemporary. In 1970 newspapers reported the discovery of cave paintings in Zimbabwe. The paintings were made by bushmen who ruled that area from about 1500 B.C., until a couple of hundred years ago. Along with accurate representations of the elephant and the giraffe, is a painting of an Apatosaurus (brontosaurus). These art works have greatly puzzled scientists since bushmen are known to have painted from real life! (Bible-Science Newsletter 1970, 2)."

"Such an occurrence [i.e., human and dinosaur tracks in the same stratum], if verified, would seriously disrupt conventional interpretations of biological and geological history and would support the doctrines of creationism and catastrophism." - Journal of Geologic Education 1983, 111-123

"Unfortunately, our public school system and the media have convinced us that dinosaurs were extinct at least 60 million years before man appeared on earth. They have done such a good job in this area that we can not imagine people and dinosaurs living at the same time. The fact is that dinosaurs were created no more than one day before mankind, not many millions of years earlier—and we have evidence to support that statement."

"In spite of a lack of consensus among scientists about what made dinosaurs disappear, the media and pseudoscientific press have decided that the meteor impact theory is the only valid explanation. This is far from reality. Dinosaurs did disappear, but we do not know exactly when or why. However, the possibility of their extinction during the Genesis Flood (with or without the associated impact) can be viewed as a plausible scientific hypothesis and deserves consideration."

---o0o---

Painting/Drawing: Slices

By Jack Brummet

[digital-analog hybrid; hand-drawn  and digitized]

---o0o---

[in just-], e.e. cummings great poem of spring

[in Just-]

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

in Just-

spring          when the world is mud-

luscious the little

lame balloonman

whistles          far          and wee

and eddieandbill come

running from marbles and

piracies and it's

spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer

old balloonman whistles

far          and             wee

and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's

spring

and

         the

                  goat-footed

balloonMan          whistles

far

and

wee

This man will sniff your bike seat

See more on Know Your Meme

From Crazy On Tap:

CYCLISTS have been warned to be on their guard – after Britain’s most notorious BIKE-SEAT SNIFFER walked free from a court. Legal commentators had expected Clinton Dennison to be jailed after he was caught snurging seats at a municipal bike shed in Balham, south London – for the 57th time! But not only was he found not guilty, his lawyer successfully argued that sniffing bike seats is NOT an offence if the bike’s owner does not witness the act. 

 In a landmark ruling, city magistrates agreed with Dennison’s solicitor Armitage Phelps that a sexual motive had not been proved – and if the cycle’s owner was not present to see the sniffing, a public order offence could not be proved. As Dennison’s snurging had only been seen by a CCTV operative, magistrates ruled there was no case to answer and ordered the 31-year-old bachelor to be freed. The case could make saddlesniffing almost impossible to prosecute outside certain strict circumstances. 

Unemployed former water treatment operative Dennison said nothing outside court, simply scuttling away making a high-pitched wailing sound. But he has vowed in previous newspaper interviews: “If I see a bike seat, I will sniff it. The law will come around to my way of thinking, eventually.” 

Jo Prendergast, of feminist bike club Menstrual Cycle, blasted: “Again, the Establishment has side-stepped the very real issue that bicycle-seat sniffing leads to all manner of antiwoman crimes. One day it’s sniffing a bike seat, the next it’s glancing at bottoms or saying ‘hello’ to women in the street.” 

---o0o--- 

A photograph of "The Loop" in Renton, Wash.

[photograph of the corner of 3rd & Morris from the Renton Historical Society]

see also: http://jackbrummet.blogspot.com/2006/06/cruising-renton-loop-with-keg-of-nails.html

---o0o---

Renton Historical Society Renton, WA

Renton Historical Society Renton, WA

Renton Historical Society Renton, WA

It was always April Fool's Day aboard the Merry Prankster bus Further.

---o0o---