Clemenza's Spaghetti Sauce from "The Godfather"

Here is my version of Caporegime Peter Clemenza's spaghetti sauce. Clemenza tells Michael this is a nice pot of gravy to make if you have a crew go "to the mattresses." I saw the movie in 1978, years after it first appeared. Kevin Curran and I saw it at the Waverly Theatre in Greenwich Village. I have probably watched it thirty times since. The pasta sauce I make is almost always some variant of the sauce Clemenza teaches Michael:

CLEMENZA
Hey, Mikey, why don't you tell that nice girl you love her?
(then, in an exaggerated Italian accent)
I love you with all-a my heart! If I don't see you again soon, I'm a-gonna die! [laughs]
(then)
Heh, come over here, kid, learn something. You never know, you might have to cook for twenty guys someday. You see, you start out with a little bit of oil. Then you fry some garlic. Then you throw in some tomatoes, tomato paste, you fry it; ya make sure it doesn't stick. You get it to a boil; you shove in all your sausage and your meatballs; heh?... And a little bit o' wine. An' a little bit o' sugar, and that's my trick.
SONNY (after entering the kitchen)
Why don't you cut out the crap. I got more important things for you to do.
(then)
How's Paulie?
CLEMENZA
Oh, Paulie? Won't see him no more...

Clemenza's Gravy
2 tablespoons olive oil (preferably Genco !)
4 cloves chopped garlic
2 cans whole Italian tomatoes
1 can tomato paste (and 2 cans of water)
2 teaspoons dried basil
a couple pinches of oregano
Three glugs of wine
Two teaspoons sugar
Salt and fresh ground black pepper
Sauteed sausages and meatballs

Sweat the garlic in the oil (do not brown it) in a large pot. After a minute, add the canned tomatoes and juice, the tomato paste, and a cup of water. Add three glugs of wine, the sugar, and the herbs. Bring to a slow simmer for ten minutes. Add a little salt and the pepper and the sausages and meatballs. Slowly simmer for 45 minutes or more...until the sauce is reduced and coats a spoon. Correct the seasoning. Cook spaghetti or linguini. Drain it. Now pink up your pasta. Put it in a bowl, add a couple of ladles of the sauce and toss with the pasta. Make sure it is nice and coated. Serve the rest of the sauce and the meats in a bowl for people to add to taste. Serve the pasta with freshly grated Parmesan, Romano or Pecorino, a simple green salad, crusty Italian bread and a bottle of Chianti Classico. . .
---o0o--

My Worst Jobs, Part 3 - Brewburger

I started to write this piece about the four+ years I worked in NYC at Carl Fischer /“The Fish” [episode 5 of My Worst Jobs]. Then I remembered that I had one other job that summer of 1977--the summer of Son of Sam and The Great Blackout.

Through a friend's connection, I became a waiter at BrewBurger at 44th and Broadway, in the heart of Times Square. In the 2.5 hellish days I held that job, I never mastered timing, the menu, or efficiency. I was continually scrambling between the kitchen and my tables to patch up mistakes. I was incapable of balancing more than two plates or bringing out courses in their correct order. As desert would appear, I would also be bringing the forgotten salad. I never actually had one happy table. In retrospect, waiting was a job for which I was constitutionally unfit.

BrewBurger appeared to be some sort of Outfit money laundering front. The real estate was expensive and the food was inordinately cheap and plentiful. BrewBurger was extremely popular with tourists and the bridge and tunnel crowd.

Nothing was more popular than the $4.95 Burger, Fries, and Bottomless Beer combo. On my very first day, I had a table of six beefy college boys from the Midwest drop in for the special. The bottomless beer was a waiter’s nightmare. To prevent pitchers of beer going to waste, the beer was served in schooner glasses. Two or three glasses were always in need of refills. In between shuttling lukewarm orders of the wrong food to my luckless customers, I ferried fresh glasses of beer to the bulletheads. They generated more trips to the kitchen than the rest of my neglected tables put together. After a couple hours of this, they staggered away from the table, leaving me a buck tip for their food and sixty beers.

No matter who came in, they expected attentive service and instant refills. This was fine dining, Manhattan style.

The restaurant would shut down briefly around three or four o’clock, to restock the kitchen and prep dinner, hose out the vomit filled urinals, vacuum, and tidy up the table’s condiment trays.

Each table contained three jars, in addition to the standard Heinz Ketchup and French’s mustard. One jar contained a pickle relish. Another held corn relish. And the third was filled with sliced bread and butter pickles. After washing the banquettes and table, your next duty was to restock condiments. Sounds simple enough, eh? These condiments had been sitting on the table through four, five or six seatings. Any sane person would have buried them, or at the very least emptied them and run them through the dishwasher. BrewBurger, however, had a policy of how, when and why the condiment jars should be cleaned and refilled.

No matter how suspect the contents, I never saw a condiment jar that crossed the line at which BrewBurger considered it unfit for human consumption. Someone stubbed a cigarette butt out in the corn relish? You gingerly spooned out the cigarette, along with the tainted relish most proximate to the butt. To return the jar to its pristine state, you merely topped the jar off with fresh relish from the five gallon plastic bucket. A quick stir with a spoon, and everything was good as new. Foreign matter in the pickle jar? You emptied the juice out, rinsed the pickles with fresh brine, and topped it off with fresh pickles and brine.

If this was happening in the front of the restaurant, who knows what outrages were going down in the kitchen? Uneaten fries were dumped into one of those ubiquitous five gallon condiment buckets, presumably to be refried and served later. “Hey,” as one of the waiter said, “no worry. They go back in the 350 degree grease again. That’ll kill off anything too weird.”

Midway through Day Three's frenzied lunch, I had been woofed at by an increasingly angry and menacing manager five times. I had four tables worth of food waiting under the heat lamps, and three table’s lunch orders I need to get to the kitchen. One table was ready for refills. I jammed the orders in my pocket, tossed my apron in the corner, and walked out the front door into the blazing sunlight in Times Square.

French Mood Swings

"The practice of aromatherapy makes the claim that smelling certain essential oils can help you overcome anxiety, depression, and stress. The theory that exposure to pleasant fragrances helps create a happy mood goes a long way towards explaining why the French are so f***ing cranky all the time." - Dennis Miller

Perspective

"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards."

- Fred Hoyle

McCain Not Ruling Out Run for President

Good. It would be a pleasure to cross swords with The Senator. Although my Republican friends are skeptical, I think he'd be a great and formidable candidate. Of all the GOP possibles, I find him the most attractive. He's even someone I'd consider voting for. . .if I wasn't a Yellow Dog Democrat.

So, the potential G.O.P. lineup seems to be (at the moment) Gov. Mitt Romney, possibly Rudy Giuliani (although I think his personal conduct may be a little hard to swallow, especially for the new republican core), and Sen. McCain. But then, Sen. Frist--who still feels a little obscure to the general public--may be a possibility too. And what about Mark Racicot? I thought he'd make a strong candidate too. I don't know what his next gig is after the election. He would go into the game without a political office--which has its upside too: he could begin campaigning very early.

The Dems? What do we have: apparent front-runner Sen. Clinton. There's Sen. Kerry (unlikely, I think. Have we given anyone a second crack at it since Adlai Stevenson?). Senator Edwards. . .who I thought didn't measure up to his primary performance in the election. Ex Veep Al Gore (also unlikely). I suspect at least one more Governor and one more Senator may emerge. . .no, I don't suspect, I hope!

Sun Nov 21,11:46 PM ET

By WILLIAM C. MANN, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - Sen. John McCain (news, bio, voting record), R-Ariz., said Sunday he is not ruling out a run for the 2008 presidential nomination, but that he is not a candidate now. A decision to run, if one should come, would not be made for at least two years, said McCain, speaking only a few weeks after the 2004 campaign ended with President Bush (news - web sites) winning a second term.
AP Photo

"Look, I'm not running for president," McCain told NBC's "Meet the Press," and added: "I do not foreclose the option."
McCain, a senator since 1986, made a strong run for the Republican nomination in 2000 but lost to Bush in a bitter campaign.
Still, McCain added his popularity to Bush's re-election campaign this year after rejecting overtures from Sen. John Kerry (news - web sites) to join the Democratic ticket as the vice presidential candidate.
"There will be plenty of time to consider whether to run for president again, but certainly I don't think it's in any way appropriate for me to speculate on that at this time," McCain said on NBC.
He was asked when that time might come.
"I would think at least not for a couple of years," McCain said.
"You know, the president hasn't even been inaugurated yet. Isn't it a little unseemly for any of us to start on that path again?"
At least one prominent Republican, Sen. Chuck Hagel (news, bio, voting record) of Nebraska, already has said he is considering a 2008 run for the White House.
If McCain were to run, he would turn 72 on Aug. 29, 2008, at the height of the campaign. Only President Reagan was older at his inauguration — 73 at the start of his second term.
Asked whether age might be a factor in his decision whether to run, McCain said: "Yes, I think that would have to be a consideration," he replied. However, he said, "I have a wonderful mother who is 92. Maybe I could use her as an example."

What The Movies Teach Us (List Number 8)

This is a concatenation of two different "internet" files, with a few of my own lines thrown in. Authorship of the originals is totally unknown. I found several people claiming authorship of parts of it...so who really knows? /jack

During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Dogs can survive natural and man-made disasters that wipe out entire human populations.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing Chinese New Year parade -- at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread (and celery!)

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part ofthe building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, more ammo will always appear...even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches at night -- when entering a kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a stadium.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, especially in New York and L.A.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one-by-one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

Nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock -- if they do, they will die within five minutes.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

Give Yourself More Space In The Elevator (List Number 7)

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!

"Give religious tracts (preferably Jack Chick) to each passenger.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Ask each new passenger if you can push the button for them.

Draw a square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Cop Call Codes II (List Number 6)

10-0 Exercise great caution.
10-1 Reception is poor.
10-2 Reception is good.
10-3 Stop transmitting.
10-4 Message received.
10-5 Relay message.
10-6 Change channel.
10-7 Out of service/unavailable for assignment.
10-7A Out of service at home.
10-7B Out of service - personal.
10-7od Out of service - off duty
10-8 In service/available for assignment.
10-9 Repeat last transmission.
10-10 Off duty.
10-10A Off duty at home.
10-11 Identify this frequency.
10-12 Visitors are present (be discrete).
10-13 Advise weather and road conditions.
10-14 Citizen holding suspect.
10-15 Prisoner in custody.
10-16 Pick up prisoner.
10-17 Request for gasoline.
10-18 Equipment exchange.
10-19 Return/returning to the station.
10-20 Location?
10-21 Telephone:______
10-21a Advise home that I will return at ______.
10-21b Phone your home
10-21r Phone radio dispatch
10-22 Disregard the last assignment.
10-22c Leave area if all secure.
10-23 Standby.
10-24 Request car-to-car transmission.
10-25 Do you have contact with _______?
10-26 Clear.
10-27 Driver's license check.
10-28 Vehicle registration request.
10-29 Check wants/warrants.[vehicle] (PIN,SVS)
10-29a Check wants/warrants [subject] (PIN)
10-29c Check complete [subject]
10-29f The subject is wanted for a felony.
10-29h Caution - severe hazard potential.
10-29r Check wants/record [subject (PIN,CJIC)
10-29m The subject is wanted for a misdemeanor.
10-29v The vehicle is wanted in connection with a crime.
10-30 Does not conform to regulations.
10-32 Drowning.
10-33 Alarm sounding.
10-34 Assist at office.
10-35 Time check.
10-36 Confidential information.
10-37 Identify the operator.
10-39 Can ______ come to the radio?
10-40 Is ______ available for a telephone call?
10-42 Check on the welfare of/at ______.
10-43 Call a doctor.
10-45 What is the condition of the patient?
10-45A Condition of patient is good.
10-45B Condition of patient is serious.
10-45C Condition of patient is critical.
10-45D Patient is deceased.
10-46 Sick person [ambulance enroute]
10-48 Ambulance transfer call
10-49 Proceed to/Enroute to ______.
10-50 Subject under the influence of narcotics/Take a report.
10-51 Subject is drunk.
10-52 Resuscitator is needed.
10-53 Person down.
10-54 Possible dead body.
10-55 Coroner's case.
10-56 Suicide.
10-56A Suicide attempt.
10-57 Firearm discharged.
10-58 Garbage complaint
10-59 Security check./Malicious mischief
10-60 Lock out.
10-61 Miscellaneous public service.
10-62 Meet a citizen.
10-62A Take a report from a citizen.
10-62B Civil standby.
10-63 Prepare to copy.
10-64 Found property.
10-65 Missing person
10-66 Suspicious person.
10-67 Person calling for help.
10-68 Call for police made via telephone.
10-70 Prowler.
10-71 Shooting.
10-72 Knifing.
10-73 How do you receive?
10-79 Bomb threat.
10-80 Explosion.
10-86 Any traffic?
10-87 Meet the officer at ______.
10-88 Fill with the officer/Assume your post.
10-91 Animal.
10-91a Stray.
10-91b Noisy animal.
10-91c Injured animal.
10-91d Dead animal.
10-91e Animal bite.
10-91g Animal pickup.
10-91h Stray horse
10-91j Pickup/collect ______.
10-91L Leash law violation.
10-91V Vicious animal.
10-95 Out of vehicle-pedestrian/ Requesting an I.D./Tech unit.
10-96 Out of vehicle-ped. send backup
10-97 Arrived at the scene.
10-98 Available for assignment.
10-99 Open police garage door.
10-100 Civil disturbance - Mutual aid standby.
10-101 Civil disturbance - Mutual aid request.

Poem: The M.D.s

Trying to put forever
On hold
Just a little while longer
In return
For a cut of the profits
In the interim.
---o0o---
jack brummet

Katamari Damacy

This new game for PS/2 is in the great tradition of wacky Japanese videogames. It's way outside. It has possibly flimsiest overarching story of any game I have ever played. And yet even that is compelling. The King of All Cosmos wakes up one morning to discover he had apparently partied a bit too long, and somehow lost all of the stars in the sky. The translation of the King's dialog is wonderfully idiomatic and on target. He is completely insane, and spends a lot of his time flinging insults, at you, his son as you are deployed on missions to help recover the missing stars.

The game controls, like all my favorite Japanese games, are extremely simple. In this game there are no combo controls...all you do is use both of the analog joysticks. You roll up a ball of weird objects, all of which affect how the ball rolls. You pick up food, tacks, candy, white-out, legos--all sorts of stuff. And you roll and grow this ball. It sounds pathetic. But it is completely compelling. The game has huge replay value. The mechanics are simple and fun enough that anyone can enjoy the game...not just gamers.

Namco is selling the game for $19.95--an amazing price point for a new game. Games at this price are usually either duds, or have been out for years. Did I mention that the music, too, is oddly compelling? The backgrounds and art are pretty basic...but it totally works!

Believe it or not the publisher's (Namco) website actually did a good job of summarizing the game:

"Play is controlled with the analog sticks only. No buttons to press. No combos to cause distress. Featuring ball-rolling and object-collecting gameplay mechanics of mesmerizing fluidity, reduced to Pac-Man simplicity, through pure absurdity.

Dimensions change drastically as your clump grows from a fraction of an inch to a monstrous freak of nature. Go from rolling along a tabletop to ravaging through city streets, picking up momentum and skyscrapers along the way.

Two-player battle mode lets you compete in a race to grow the biggest ball of stuff. Even the competition can be picked up, if your opponent is unfortunate enough to get in your way.

Enjoy quirky, infectious humor throughout—from the insanely cosmic animations, to the wacky and wonderful musical stylings, to the royally contagious storyline that's undoubtedly like no other. "

The Phonetic Cop Alphabet.(List Number 5)

A Adam
B Boy
C Charles
D David
E Edward
F Frank
G George
H Henry
I Ida
J John
K King
L Lincoln
M Mary
N Nora
O Ocean
P Paul
Q Queen
R Robert
S Sam
T Tom
U Union
V Victor
W William
X X-ray
Y Yellow
Z Zebra

Another Poem: Charlie Parker

As buzzards, kites and hawks
darkened the skies
a songbird flew among us -
a waxwork Daedalus
who couldn't face up to The Sun.

An actual bird with real wings,
he soared on fire,
beating his drumsticks
until the feathers were gone.

Bird carved himself
and the ornithologists wept.
---o0o---

Jack Brummet