G.O.P. rethinks policies on gays in light of recent events

Top ranking insiders in the Republican Party have disclosed to Vanya Newton at All This Is That's Washington D.C. desk that the party is debating changing its positions on homosexuality. The party has long battled against gays in the military, equal rights for gays, anti-gay discrimination, and gay marriage and adoptions. "In light of recent events," one official told us, "we have begun rethinking these policies." The senior official would not speak for attribution. Another top ranking Republican said, "this isn't totally foreign to us, as you well know. The Log Cabin Republicans have a long tradition in our party now."

Interestingly, the Log Cabin group may not be on board. Log Cabin President Patrick Sammon made the following statement about the resignation of Senator Larry Craig (R-ID): Senator Craig made the right decision in resigning from the U.S. Senate. He lost his credibility to serve the people of Idaho and his actions damaged the credibility of the Republican Party. Senator Craig had no other choice but to resign—for the good of his State, the good of his Party, and the good of his family."




"Of course, that's what the Log Cabin guys say," another G.O.P. source told us. "They fought for years to 'mainstream,' and these knuckleheads are ruining it for them. At least they have achieved a patina of respectability, and now they see it all falling apart."



A leading fund-raiser inside the party said, "Look, it sounds completely crazy, but it's kind of like 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do,' or even 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.' I mean, just this year you've got Congressman Mark Foley slobbering all over the pages; Reverend Ted Haggard buying gay prostitutes (and snorting crank!); Senator Craig, of course...or, the straw that broke the camel's back; Congressman Bob Allen offering an undercover cop $20 for oral sex; and Glen Murphy Jr., chair of the Clark County Party, who got himself in quite a pickle fellatng a sleeping man who turned out not to be gay at all."

The Republican money man added "If this is who we are, let's accept it. Let's bring in the gay voters. God knows, we need them now. We are not going to win any elections going forward shoveling the same old s**t at the voters. We didn't know it before, but we are clearly the gay party. It's time to accept that, embrace it, and exploit it."

A top aide to Republican Chair Mike Duncan said that the high command of the Republican Party is meeting in Key West at a weekend retreat to discuss whether this change in direction is viable."That's five righteous outings this year alone, man! How many dozens more went unreported? You can see why it might be in our best interest to embrace the gay lifestyle, if not in practice, with our support for our differently swinging brothers and sisters. The outcome of all this may well be that we don't end up supporting the gays, but we need to dial back the rhetoric and the anger and the hatred. . .at the very least. Sure, we may lose a few red states. So what? Think of all those blue states out there, ripe for the plucking."
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