Nearly catatonic President soils pants following voodoo doll disclosure - White House terrorist charged with littering

Litterbug leads to President's sedation

A man who lobbed a paper bag onto the White House lawn yesterday is in custody, according to the Secret Service. A suspicious package, spotted shortly after President Bush left on a helicopter trip to Wheeling, W.Va, was examined using a remote-controlled device.

"Normal security protocols were in place," a Homeland Security told All This Is That. "Nothing in the bag was dangerous per se. B ut the bag did contain several mutilated voodoo dolls. The President was extremely upset when told about the contents of the bag."

According to our White House source, the President has had an unreasonable fear of voodoo and zombies since childhood. After the disclosure, The President was sedated, and Air Force One returned to Washington immediately. "Look, this is on the Q.T.," our source said, "but someone even said he had an involuntary evacuation, if you know what I mean."

The Secret Service secured the White House and raised its internal alert system one level during the investigation, according to a Homeland Security official, "It's unfortunate, but there is nothing illegal about black magic or witchcraft. Yeah, might be able to charge him with creating a public nuisance but it looks like the only thing we'll be able to tag him with is littering." ---o0o---