Monday, August 28, 2006

Dumb as a board? Try smarter than 98% of the people reading this. Paris Hilton is outed as a genius and Mensa member.

A family member close to Paris Hilton revealed to All This Is That yesterday that Ms. Hilton is a member of Mensa. Contrary to the image she has carefully developed over the last several years, Paris Hilton has an I.Q. of 144, and is in the top 1% of the population in I.Q.

"It's one of the best-kept secrets in the world," the source told us, "and probably the last thing she wants known." Ms. Hilton joined Mensa in 1997, at the urging of her parents, when she was 16 years old. The family had known about her intelligence for many years, and finally, urged her to take the Mensa qualification test. She had already racked up stratospheric scores on I.Q. tests taken during her early school years and easily passed the Mensa qualification test.

Mensa was founded in England in 1946 by Roland Berrill, and Dr. Lance Ware to create a society for bright people, with the only qualification for membership being a high IQ. They hoped to create a utopian group that was non-political and free from racial and religious distinctions. The society includes members from every walk of life whose IQ is in the top 2% of the population.

Paris Hilton is an American actress, fashion model, author and singer. Her rise to fame was as an heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as of her father's, real estate fortune. She was skyrocketed to fame (infamy?) when a videotape of her having sex with her boyfriend became public on the internet. The video drew attention to her participation in a reality T.V. series, The Simple Life. That was followed by a series of personal scandals and publicity stunts. The notoriety enabled Ms. Hilton to publish books, release a music CD, and to launch a best-selling perfume, among other ventures.

Our source told us "She has basically shucked the public into thinking she was a hopeless airhead when in fact, she is a cynical manipulator and entrepreneur. She does nothing that is not calculated and scripted to enhance the image of the mornonic blonde skank. You know what she raked in off just her perfume this year? It's worked pretty well. Don't you think?"


Anonymous said...

shut up already... my verification word contains 'std', coincidence?

Anonymous said...


Jack Brummet said...

Do you mean you think this story is not true?

All This Is That has never issued a retraction or made a correction to one of its exclusive stories--ever! Our sources are impeccable!

What do you think, this is some kind of puffed up parody site? No, we're here to give you the hard hitting news!

The editors