Disclaimer

By Jack Brummet

I have collected these in a text file over the years.  

Use of This Device Does Not Enable Wearer To Fly. All models over 18 years of age. Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows. Sign waivers with your real name. Not a Republic. Don't try this in your living room; these are trained professionals. Pre-1650 garb required by all participants. Ceci n'est pas une pipe. First pull up, then pull down. No alcohol, dogs or horses. For entertainment only, do not put in mouth or rectum.  Not to be used for anything else. For best results, remove cap. Caution: Do not use near power lines. Ignite lighter away from face. Rolling rock. Contents may settle during shipment. Not for intimate hygiene. Do not use as an ice cream topping. 

State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers.  This side towards enemy. Your mileage may vary. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling the contents of this container can be harmful or fatal. No Life Support. REPRODUCTION REQUIRES APPROVAL OF ORIGINATOR OR HIGHER GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY. This is an Official U.S.Government system for authorized use only. Persons with open sores or communicable diseases are not permitted to use the facilities. WARNING: Do not smoke until hair is dry. 

 All body contact is limited to simple expressions of affection and friendship. Provocative conduct or sexual misconduct WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Do not Discuss, Enter, Transfer, Process, or Transmit Classified/Sensitive National Security information of greater sensitivity than that for which this system is authorized. Use of this system constitutes consent to security testing and monitoring. Unauthorized use could result in criminal prosecution. Do not run with scissors. Nothing by mouth. 

 You must not find images of adults engaged in sexual acts to be offensive or objectionable; you must understand the laws and standards of the community to which you are transporting this adult material and you must assume all the liability for violating such laws and standard by entering this site; you may not allow any minor to view any of the material or images found by accessing this site. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Keep out of the direct rays of the sun. The reader assumes all risks associated with using this 'product'. In case of irritation, flush eyes with cold water and consult your physician. Fire-breathing is dangerous. 

 Look out for wind at all times. For your protection and that of others, please sit on towels while nude. Caution: Do Not Lick Lid. The value of shares (and any income from them) may fall as well as rise, and you may not get back the full amount invested. All Rights Reserved. Tumble dry on low heat. No preservatives added. Discontinue use if any of the following occur: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance, slurred speech, or profuse sweating. Reference herein to any specific commercial products, process, or service by trade name, trademark, manufacturer, or otherwise, does not constitute or imply its endorsement. Not fit for human consumption. Do not change fan belt while engine is running. Some of these pages may be offensive to sensitive people. 

Celebrity voice impersonated. WARNING: Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. Point away from people, especially while opening. Any Other Use Constitutes Fraud. Serve ice cold. May explode if recharged improperly. Apply Liberally And Regularly. No illegal files, programs, or other information shall be made available from this server. Call toll free number before digging. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No anchovies or jalapeño peppers unless otherwise specified. Sold only for the prevention of disease. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Not for internal use. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE. 

 Warning: Do Not Use While Sleeping. The University has neither control over nor responsibility for the opinions or correct identity of users. May be too intense for some viewers. Apply sparingly to affected area. Warning: Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. In no event shall Microsoft or its suppliers be responsible for any damage or loss incurred by using this software. Best if eaten by date of package. Void where prohibited.  Use like regular soap. Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Some assembly required. 

 Product will be hot after heating. Do not iron clothes on body. For indoor or outdoor use only. Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands. Use only as directed. Parental supervision required. Accepted by The American Dental Association. Not to be used for other use. ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES! List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Use only as directed. No Minimum Purchase Required. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Do not mix with other products. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to tune to a local emergency broadcast station. Apply only to affected area. 

 Warning! Improper use may cause serious injury or death! Keep hair, fingers, and personal objects out of this printer. Do Not Exceed 6 Doses In A 24-Hour Period. Do not feed the animals. Do not stamp. See other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. You May Already Be A Winner. Simulated by professionals. See your dealer for details. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. All opinions and errors are the those of the respective authors. One size fits all. 

 This side up. Many suitcases look alike. Best When Purchased By Date On Bottom. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Temporarily Out Of Order. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. We did what we could to pass good information on to you, but if we goofed, you knew all along to check it out for yourself. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Contains no artificial colors or ingredients. Post office will not deliver without postage. This product is delivered as is. List was current at time of printing. 

 Action figures sold separately. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not The Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Discontinue Use If Rash Persists. Names Used Are Fictitious. All efforts have been made to locate and identify copyright holders of all copyrighted materials. Complies with FCC part 15. Do Not Operate Vehicle With Screen In Place. Offer Good While Supplies Last. Police Line Do Not Cross. Use This Number In All Correspondence. Violators Will Be Prosecuted. 

 Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Close cover before striking. Do not write below this line. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Do not mix with other products. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer: call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. You may not modify, adapt, translate, reverse-code, decompile, or disassemble the Software, or make any attempt to discover the source code to the Software. This space left blank intentionally. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. 

Booths for two or more. Unauthorized access attempts or use may subject you to a fine and/or imprisonment in accordance withTitle 18, USC, Section 1030 or administrative penalaties or dismissal. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Do not expose to rain. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. 

 DISSEMINATION AND EXTRACTION OF INFORMATION CONTROLLED BY ORIGINATOR. Package sold by weight, not volume. This supersedes all previous notices. This Does Not Supply Iodine. CAUTION! Contents may have shifted during flight. For your protection, DO NOT write your PIN on Card. The cardholder whose name is embossed on the front, by using or permitting another to use this card, agrees to repay all charges incurred according to the terms of the agreement, including any future amendments. This is not a credit card. Company reserves the right to make improvements in the hardware, firmware, and software described in this manual at any time and without notice. 

 WARNING! Not For Use On Live Circuits. It is a privilege extended only to the person whose picture appears hereon. Resale of this pass is strictly prohibited. Because only natural products are used, taste, color and body may vary. Caffeine Free. Contains no additives or preservatives. Contains no sugar, caffeine, artificial colors or preservatives. Program may be cancelled or changed without notice. Refrigerate after opening. Shake well before drinking. NO FRUIT JUICE. This is a fictional story. All smilarities to real people and events are coincidental. The observance of all Jewish Holidays begins at sundown the previous day. 

 Do not take this product if your are hypersensitive to any of the ingredients. Limit one punch per visit. See Program Rules and Conditions for additional details. Applies to regular price merchandise only. Interim markdowns taken. The entry of a C.O.D. amount is not a declaration of value. Limit one entry per person. All subsequent entries will be discarded. Actual prize may vary in appearance. The inclusion, exclusion, or definition of a word or term is not intended to affect, or to express any judgment on, the validity or legal status of any proprietary right which may be claimed in that word or term. This card is invalid if laminated. This card is invalid if not signed by the number holder unless health or age prevents signature. Improper use of this card and/or number by the number holder or any other person is punishable by fine, imprisonment or both. This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private. This warranty does not apply in the event of any misuse or abuse of the product, or as a result of any unauthorized repairs or alterations. 

Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God; neglect,   damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X- rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc). 

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