One take on the affordable care act: Naked Lunch's Dr. Benway

By Jack Brummet, Medical Ed.

Listening to a rabid Republican tonight raging on the radio against ACA/"ObamaCare." I swear his description of the care ACA will offere came straight from the pages of William S. Burroughs' Naked Lunch. Dr. Benway in particular:

"Dr. Benway. . .looks around and picks up one of those rubber vacuum cups at the end of a stick they use to unstop toilets. He advances on the patient. . .'Make an incision Doctor Limpf,' he says to his appalled assistant. . .'I'm going to massage the heart.'

Dr. Limpf shrugs and begins the incision. . .Dr. Benway washes the suction cup by swishing it around in the toilet bowl. . .

Nurse: 'Shouldn't it be sterilized, doctor?'

Dr. Benway: 'Very likely, but there's no time. . .Did I ever tell you about the time I performed an appendectomy with a rusty sardine can?'

Dr. Limpf: 'The incision is ready, doctor.'

Dr. Benway forces the cup into the incision and works it up and down. Blood spurts all over the doctors, the nurse and the wall. . .the cup makes a horrible sucking sound.

Nurse: 'I think she's gone, doctor.'

Dr. Benway: 'Well, it's all in a day's work.' "

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ObamaCare -- The outsource shocker: Tijuana dentures, Bulgarian kidneys, Albanian hips, and Guatemalan rest homes

By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That Medical Editor

In recent conversations, well-placed senior administration officials told All This Is That that the health care plan championed by President Obama and the Democratic leadership includes little-known provisions for outsourcing surgeries and medical procedures. One official told me "Let's say you need false teeth, uh...dentures.  We can get this work done for you in Tijuana for less than half what it would cost anywhere in the states.  And that's after adding in plane fares, meals and a couple of nights in a hotel."

Several independent sources revealed to Mona Goldwater, in the course of fact checking this article, that the U.S. government has already contracted for outsourced medical services in at least seven foreign countries.  In some cases, the U.S. Government has purchased or leased land, and is breaking ground on a series of medical facilities in "medical outsource partner countries."

Prospective plans include, but are not limited to, outsourcing kidney and liver procedures to Bulgaria, knee- and hip-replacements to Albania, dental work to Mexico, and reproductive services to Yemen.  The most potentially explosive outsourcing initiative involves exporting virtually all geriatric, rehabilitation, and rest home care to Guatemala, where per-patient costs are a fraction of those in the United States.

As one government health services analyst on Capitol Hill told me, "Change.  And you guys thought we were bulls***ing, didn't you?"

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