The Twilight of Newt Gingrich

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

Newt is spending today in Ohio, whistling past the graveyard

After three contests today where he achieved total irrelevancy, Newt has been spending his time in Ohio, in hopes of salvaging his candidacy. 

But. . .not only Newt is on the ropes.  Suddenly, and unexpectedly, Rick Santorum swept all three contests today...just after Ex-Governor Romney scored back-to-back wins in Florida and Nevada.  Those two victories led most pundits to predict that Romney was on a straight march to the nomination.  Wednesday will be an interesting day.  Maybe not everything has changed, but much has changed.

As for Newt himself,  he'll hang in for a while, and go through the motions in Washington State, Arizona, Maine, Michigan before Super Tuesday on March 6th.  In fact he claims--but, then, don't they all?--that he is staying in throughout the primary-caucus season, all the way to the convention.  But sometime between tomorrow and that convention, he will drop out, get to give a dramatic speech at the convention, and then become become a revived, if not beloved, senior statesman, and go to work for a think tank or as a sort-of-but-not-really-lobbyist.

The end of the road?  Or on the trail to Comeback Number Three?

---o0o---

It was four years ago, almost to the day, that Mitt Romney ended his first quest for the White House

By Mona Goldwater

Four years ago yesterday, Mitt Romney bailed out of the 2008 Republican Presidential contest.   The people had spoken.

Things were looking better than they did back then until Mittens took a serious body blow in the heartland of America last night.  Sure, they shrug off these primaries and caucuses off beauty contests, but that's not what they were saying last week. . .

What are his spinmeisters saying tonight?  "It's always darkest before the dawn," or "we've only begun to fight?"  The Missouri and Minnesota losses weren't that shocking--these folks are going to vote mainly for the conservative candidate.  But Colorado?  What the Eff happened?  A few days ago, Romney was polling ahead in the double digits.  And tonight, Ex-Senator Rick Santorum whipped him by more than 5%.  Romney had plummeted 16% in a few days?  Maybe you can attribute this to his recent comments about the poor, or his recent financial disclosures, on top of his earlier verbal slips?  Or maybe people are just finally coming to their senses?  But that's not it, because those votes are going to Rick Santorum.

Mitt has been regularly tarred and feathered by his opponents as practically a Molotov-cocktail throwing Bolsheviki, or at best, a shameless flip-flopper and closet liberal, he walks into these next contests almost crippled.  As Bob Dylan wrote "It's not dark yet/but it's getting there."

In the battleground states, however, Mitt Romney and President Obama are polling neck and neck.  And, in the end, the battleground states are all that matter.   The center of the party would like to get focused on Romney and away from the opponent du jour.  But those damned voters keep getting in their way.

This could change rapidly, but in general, Romney now has to score in Arizona, Washington State, and the other states that vote/caucus before Super Tuesday, not necessarily to win, but to at least show he has some stuffing left.  But Super Tuesday is where his focus will be.  Super Tuesday is not as big as it has been in the past, but ten states is a pretty significant data point.  It may tell all.  But that's hard to know in this genuinely fragmented and bizarre nomination contest.

If anything, as a political dweeb,  this is all great news.  We now see the race, presumably with all four candidates, head into the next primaries and Super Tuesday.  No one is going to bail out before then, not now.

---o0o---

The Romney Express

---o0o---

Drawing: The contestants Paul, Romney, Santorum, and Gingrich

By Jack Brummet
[hand drawn on india ink scratchboard; digitized and captioned]

click to enlarge

---o0o---

Newt's South Carolina win::::::::::The Republican ship is taking on water

By Jack Brummet, Paranormal, Art, Poetry, and Persiflage Editor (filling in for National Affairs Editor Pablo Fanque, on vacation in Belize)

I very much enjoyed Ex-Speaker Newt's win in South Carolina.  Why?  Because it was nice to see a cannonball blown through Mittens's aura of inevitability.  It's also nice to see the GOP in disarray/upheaval.  We have a different winner in each of the contests so far.  I don't know what the real pundits are saying, but I think this also bodes well for Ron Paul. 

The Mittens juggernaut has been slowed down--the ox is mired in the mud.  Do I want to see Newt as President?  No.  But as for the GOP itself, I enjoy the confusion and chaos.  Neither the establishment/money elite, or the Tea Party faction, or the fundamentalist wing seem able to right the Republican ship...and they're taking on water, fast. 

Why do I enjoy this SO much?  As Alfred Pennyworth said in another context "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

---o0o---

Our 2010 Predictions on GOP candidates (all things considered...not bad)

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor
and Jack Brummet, Arts Editor

In late 2010, we guessed who would be running for President from the Republican (and Tea) Party in 2012.  Of our candidates, three are still in the race.  Many of our picks didn't even get off the ground; we missed Rick Perry and Michele Bachmann; Sarah Palin performed a protracted will she?/won't she skit; and several of our picks faltered before the Iowa caucuses.  On the whole, we did a lot better job of guessing than we did in the 2008 contest.

Who is the next candidate to bail?  We are guessing Rick Santorum.  The South Carolina contest is extremely volatile.  Newt has incredibly, surged ahead in the last few days, and in some polls is besting Romney.  But then he was hit with some new dirt from his first wife.  And he even made some hay with that in the most recent debate. 

Despite everything he has said and done, we somehow prefer Newt to Rick Santorum.  We think he will nudge Santorum out in SC.  Ron Paul will remain stable, but will stay in the contest because he has rabid fans that keeping pouring money into the campaign. 

It looks like Florida may be where the rubber meets the road.  Let's see what happens in South Carolina this weekend. . .
---o0o---

Barry Goldwater pilots a 737 between Seattle and Everett, Wash.

Thank the Lord he wasn't piloting a bomber!  The original caption to this photo:

"1964 GOP Presidential candidate Barry Goldwater pilots a Boeing 737 twinjet during a visit to Boeing facilities. Goldwater flew the plane from Seattle to Everett, Washington, and back, including take-off and landings, while touring Boeing plants assembling the 737 and 747 superjet."

---o0o---

Indecision 2012

Are we “stakeholders,"

Helpless bystanders,

Hostages,

Or, just guests

In a political playpen

That doesn't really belong

To us at all?

---o0o---

Newt nails down the coveted Todd Palin endorsement

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrich has secured the coveted endorsement of Todd Palin.  The Ex-Governor's husband told ABC news today that the Gingrich campaign has “burst out of the political arena and touched many Americans.”

Todd Palin, known as the "First Dude" during his wife's term of office, didn't have anything negative to say about the other Republican Presidential candidates, but that his "hat is off to everyone” in the race.

Palin's wife Sarah has yet to endorse any of the candidates for President.

---o0o---

Have you ever had sex with Rick Perry?

By Mona Goldwater, Social Mores Editor

The answer to the question in the display ad in the Austin Chronicle turns out to be no.  At least no one has come forward since this ad was posted last August, just after Governor Rick Perry entered the Presidential contest.  The advertiser *may* have had some takers had they, as Larry Flynt has in the past, offered a significant sum of cash for the story. [Ed's note: the advertiser is a Ron Paul supporter.]

At the time the advertisement appeared, publications like Salon duly noted the appearance of the ad, but also said  there is no evidence Perry has ever engaged in an extra-marital affair, as much as his opponents and the left wanted to believe otherwise.  The text in the ad reads, "Are you a stripper, an escort, or just a 'young hottie' impressed by an arrogant, entitled governor of Texas? Contact CASH [Committee Against Sexual Hypocrisy], and we will help you publicize your direct dealings with a Christian-buzzwords-spouting, 'family values' hypocrite and fraud."

---o0o---

Mitt Romney between a rock and a hard place

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

I was going to write about Mitt Romney's having pigeon-holed himself to the extent that he can only pull a quarter of the votes in any given contest.  Sure, he looks like he will be strong in New Hampshire, but after that?  The right, and even the middle (if one actually exists in the G.O.P today), seem thoroughly unenchanted, as do we all.  I don't see the Republicans circling their wagons around, holding their noses and crowning Mitt. . .at least until they become truly spooked.  And that is coming on fast.  So far, he's shown he can beat Michele Bachmann and  Rick Perry.  I was going to write about this, but when I saw this image on the FYVM web site I knew I didn't have to write anything.  That's Mitt in the corner.

---o0o---

John McCain's recent endorsement of, and his thoughts on, Mitt Romney in 2008

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor
illustration by Jack Brummet

Although Senator John McCain endorsed Mitt Romney in his quest for the presidency yesterday, this is a new position  for him.   Wednesday's McCain-Romney event was a rather stiff affair, and seemed to stop well short of a heart-felt embrace of Romney.  The endorsement was a one-hand-washes-the-other/quid pro quo arrangement for Romney's 2008 endorsement. The only thing missing is John McCain holding his nose and crossing his fingers. . .

In 2008, Senator McCain had a different take on Mittens:

---o0o---

Iowa Republican Caucus Contestants: Huntsman, Bachmann, Gingrich, Romney, Perry, Santorum, and Paul

Illustrations by Jack Brummet, except Newt Gingrich No. 2 (Artist unknown)             

The Govnah

Ron Paul

Newt One

Newt Two

Newt Three

The Hunt

Santo

Hotlips Bachmann

Mittens

---o0o---

Three-time Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell

Digital Art by Jack Brummet

I was inspired to revisit Candidate O'Donnell after her hilarious "endorsement" of Mitt Romney (see Christine O'Donnell endorses Mittens, pouring salt on his festering flip-flop wound).

click to enlarge

---o0o---

Christine O'Donnell endorses Mittens, pouring salt on his festering flip-flop wound

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor
Illustrations by Jack Brummet

Christine O'Donnell endorsed Ex-Governor Mitt Romney, last week. It's not what Romney's campaign had in mind, even though they probably recruited her for the job.   In fact, it blew up into a minor tempest in the political press.

"That’s one of the things that I like about him — because he’s been consistent since he changed his mind,” O’Donnell said.

She went on to say that Romney is “humble enough” to admit he doesn’t always have the right answers and is open to making the “necessary changes” to his own view points sometimes, but maintained that he never betrays his core convictions.

---o0o---

While Ex-Speaker Gingrch claims the Palestinians don't exist, this photograph proves otherwise

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

While Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrch claims that the Palestinians don't exist, this photograph of the Speaker and Yasser Arafat holding hands proves otherwise.  Some people (most notably Wonkette) have recently hinted that The Speaker in all likelihood had a man-crush on the PLO Chairman.

---o0o---

Quote of the day: David Axelrod likens Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrich to a monkey's butt

"I told my colleagues yesterday a bit of homespun wisdom I got from an alderman in Chicago some years ago when one of his colleagues wanted to run for higher office and he was really dubious. He said, ‘just remember the higher a monkey climbs on a pole, the more you can see his butt.’ So, you know, the Speaker is very high on the pole right now and we’ll see how people like the view." - David Axelrod, Obama Campaign Senior Strategist

---o0o---

Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich "Endorses" The Iowa Marriage Pledge

By Mona Goldwater, Ethics Editor

From today's @NewYorkTimes:  "Newt Gingrich became the latest Republican candidate to endorse the so-called marriage pledge, a controversial document put forward by an influential evangelical group in Iowa that opposes same-sex marriage and abortion."

"Mr. Gingrich stopped short of signing the pledge, however."

The Iowa pledge, put together by the Family Leader, asks candidates to try to block same-sex marriage and women “in forward combat roles.” It also requires pledgees to remain faithful to their spouses and support “robust childbearing and reproduction.”

Newt didn't actually sign; he just "endorsed" it.   Perry, Bachmann, and Santorum all did sign the pledge.  Newt, of course, is the only one in the field who has publicly admitted to cheating on two of his wives (so far). 

The pledge's relevant section follows.  If Newt is really reformed, as he claims, it looks like he can endorse the Pledge with a (more or less) clear conscience:

"9 — As applicable if married now, wed in the future, or whenever interacting with another's spouse, a person of the opposite sex or of personal attraction. No signer herein claims to be without past wrongdoing, including that of adultery. Yet going forward, each hereby vows fidelity to his or her marital vows, to his or her spouse, to all strictures and commandments against adultery, and to resist the lure of pornography destructive to marital intimacy."

Mr. Gingrich is off the hook with the pledge for his past sins. 

The most interesting part of the pledge is where they get into economics.  WTF?  How is this in the Marriage Pledge?:

"Commitment to downsizing government and the enormous burden upon American families of the USA‟s $14.3 trillion public debt, its $77 trillion in unfunded liabilities, its $1.5 trillion federal deficit, and its $3.5 trillion federal budget." Again, this is in "The Marriage Vow."

---o0o---

A friend in good weather and foul: Senator Lori Klein's spirited (and twisted) defense of Herm Cain

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor

Thanks to Kristopher Skelton, who passed this along after someone passed it along to him.  Salon today reported that Arizona State Senator Lori Klein (and Herm Cain's AZ campaign chair) has mounted a spirited defense of skirt-chasing serial-groping Pizza Man. 

"not unattractive" AZ State Senator Lori Klein

"Lori Klein, an Arizona state Senator and Cain’s Arizona state chairman, told CBS News she stands by Cain."

"Says she has known him for 12 years and he’s “never been anything but a gentlemen – and I am not an unattractive woman.”

Klein also told CBS News that if Cain is innocent he should sue White for libel.  Like Herm himself, she also went on the attack against the media for ferreting this out.  She said that, in politics, “we want a virgin to do a hooker’s job.”

This reminds me of Herman Cain's earlier attempt at defending his actions, where he essentially said "OK, you have these four women raising a ruckus.  But what about the 300 million Americans who I haven't harassed?"

I strongly suspect we'll see HC bow out of the race on Thursday or Friday.

---o0o---

Rick Perry's Presidential quest ends in 53 mortifying seconds

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor
illustration by Jack Brummet

Rick Perry will drop out of the race in the next ten days.  Even if nothing else goes wrong, his campaign funds will surely dry up beginning a couple hours ago. 

This has to be the most pathetic and humiliating debate appearance I have ever seen, except, possibly, Admiral James Stockdale's performance in his 1992 debate with Al Gore and Dan Quayle.  Stockdale opened the debate by saying, "Who am I? Why am I here?"  His opening drew great mirth and laughter, because the audience seemed to think he was joshing about his obscurity and lack of traditional qualifications for the office.  But as he bumbled through the debate, it became clear he was in way over his head.

Tonight, Governor Rick Perry confirmed what most of us knew and the rest suspected--that, he too, is in way over his head,  For one horrible minute, Perry could not recall the name of a government department he is planning to kill off.  I cringed, and actually felt terribly sorry for him as he tried to grin and chuckle his way through it.  But he couldn't.

"It's three agencies of government when I get there that are gone: commerce, education, and the uh ... what's the third one, there? Let's see." He then said, "The third one. I can't." And he performed an auto-coup-de-grace by then saying "Oops."  Fifteen long, long minutes later he said "By the way that was the department of energy I was reaching for a while ago." 

Herman Cain, who everyone suspected would be "on the barbie" tonight, got off the hook after Perry's pitiful showing. 

Perry knew the damage was incalculable.  He even showed up in the spin-room post-debate (which is normally handled by staffers) and said   "I'm sure glad I had my boots on because I sure stepped in it out there."

---o0o---