Eve, as it turns out, was not made from Adam's rib

By Mona Goldwater, Women's Ed.

A Biblical scholar says that, due to a mistranslation, the original scripture actually says that Eve was made from Adam's penis and not his rib. 

The professor also states that man is the only mammal without a penis bone...now we know where it went).

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Bible stories with twisted illustrations by Jensen Tan

By Jack Brummet

Check out Jenson Tan's wonderful Bible Cartoon blog on Blogspot..  One of my favorites is the story of the fishes and loaves. 

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News from the past (e.g., 1957): Rampaging Bible Seller Wields Axe

   


























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Bible Sex Stories

I just discovered the Bible Sex Stories website. It could almost be a cousin to The Brick Testament, which presents Bible stories in Lego format. . .I suspect this site will keep growing (as The Brick has done), but for now it lists the following stories and illustrations:

Lot's Family Affair
Abraham Visits The Maid
Onan Spills His Seed
David and Jonathan Undressed
David's Virgin Bedwarmer
Ruth & Naomi



Just off the top of my head, they need stories for The Song of Solomon, Song of Songs, various canticles, Judah and the Prostitute, Esther, The Book of Ruth, the rapes of Tamar and Dinah (which strictly speaking, aren't sex at all), or Genesis 14-17:

14 During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, "Please give me some of your son's mandrakes."

15 But she said to her, "Wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son's mandrakes too?" "Very well," Rachel said, "he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes."

16 So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. "You must sleep with me," she said. "I have hired you with my son's mandrakes." So he slept with her that night.

17 God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son.

And there's plenty more Bible Sex than that. They've hit a rich vein here. . .one I expect they'll be mining for some time.
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Poem: Bible stories 5/On The Plain: just a song of Gomorrah

click gomorrah to enlarge


Abram came to a place later known as Bethel
Where, as usual, he built an altar and prayed to the Lord
Lot, Abram's nephew was with him on the range

Abram's shepherds quarreled with Lot's shepherds
There was not enough grass for both their flocks
There was not room for them all in that place

Abram said to Lot: "Let there be no quarrel
Between you and me or your men and my men
We are like brothers to each other

You take the land on the right hand
And I will take the left or if you choose
The left hand, I will take the right."

Abram, was the older and could claim the first choice
And God had promised all the land to Abram
So he might have said to Lot "Go away, this is all mine"

But Abram showed a kind heart
And gave Lot his choice of the land
Lot looked over the land from the mountain

Where they were standing
And saw down in the valley the river Jordan
Flowing between the rich soil of the green fields

He saw Sodom and Gomorrah out on the plain
Near the mouth of the Jordan
Where it flows into Dead Sea

And Lot said "I will go down yonder to the plain"
He took his tents and his men and flocks of sheep and cattle
Leaving the land on the mountains to Uncle Abram

Lot may not have known that Sodom
Held the wickedest people in the land
But he went to live near them

And gradually moved his tent closer and closer
To Sodom until he was living in that wicked city
After Lot separated from Abram, God said to Abram:

"Lift up your eyes from this place, and look
East and west north and south
All the land that you can see

All the mountains and valleys and plains
I give to you and your children
And their children and those who come after them

Rise up, and walk through the land--it is all yours"
Abram moved his tent from Bethel and went to live
Near the city of Hebron in the south

Under an oak tree
Where he once again
Built an altar to the Lord.
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Poem: Pentateuch Tales 2/How the first baby in the world commited the first murder

After they were kicked out of the garden
Adam and Eve went out into the world
To live and to work

For a time they were all alone
But one thing led to another
And God gave them a child

Eve named the first baby
In the world Cain
And named the next child Abel

When the two boys grew up
Cain worked in the fields raising grain and fruit
Abel became a shepherd

When Adam and Eve lived in the Garden
They talked with God and heard Him speak
But now out in the world

They could no longer talk with God
So they built an altar of stones
And burned offerings for the God

Whom they could not see
At the altar they made a prayer
Asking God to forgive their sins

And all that they had done wrong
They asked God to bless them
And rain good upon them

The brothers made offerings
Cain brought fruits and the grain he had grown
Abel brought a sheep from his flock

Killed it and burned it upon the altar
God was pleased with Abel and his offering
But was not pleased with Cain's fruit and grains

Maybe God wanted Cain to offer a life
Maybe Cain's heart was dark when he came to God
God showed he was not pleased with Cain

Instead of being sorry for his sin
Cain was very angry with God
And his brother Abel

When they were in the field together
Cain smote Abel and killed him
God said to Cain, where is your brother Abel?

Cain said I do not know
I am not my brother's keeper
God said What have you done?

Your brother's blood is like a voice
Crying to me from the ground
Do you see how the ground has opened

Like a mouth to drink your brother's blood?
As long as you live you shall be suffer my wrath
You will wander the earth and never find a home

And no direction home
Because you did this wicked deed
Cain said to the Lord

You have driven me away from the people
And you hide your face from me
If anyone finds me they will kill me

I will be alone and have no friends
God said to Cain if anyone harms you
They too will be punished

And the Lord placed a mark on Cain
So all who met him would know
God forbade any man to harm him

Cain and his wife went away from Adam's home
To live in a place by themselves
And they had children

They built a city
And Cain named the city
After his first child Enoch.
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