Rick Santorum's crappy problem with the Santorum neologism

By Jack Brummet, Pranks and Payback Editor
with research by Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor
Illustrations by Jack Brummet

Only yesterday, Ex-Senator Rick Santorum publicly asked Google to fix his problem.  He said he KNEW they could suppress the sexual references to his name on the G.I.S. results if they wanted to.  He also implied that if he were a Democrat, they would have eliminated his problem long ago.  As Google pointed out, it's not like they're doing anything other than reporting the search results.  They didn't put up the definition of "santorum." 

Rick Santorum's Google problem started in 2003, not long after he told the Associated Press that "In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be."

Seattle sex advice columnist and best selling author Dan Savage was understandably P.O.'d and decided payback could be fun.  He asked readers for a definition of "Santorum.". The winner was  "Santorum: The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."  Savage created the website  Spreading Santorum", which soon became the top Santorum result in most search engines.  Years later,  in 2010, Savage offered  to take the website down if Santorum donated $5 million to Freedom to Marry, a group advocating legal recognition of same-sex marriages

And even now, to Santorum's enormous inconvenience, that definition is the top entry when you Google the word "Santorum."  [Ed's note:  We noticed today the definition has slid down six notches in the Google search results, but we're pretty sure it was pushed down in the results due to a lot of searching on Santorum asking Google, basically, to have mercy.  We think the definition will pop back up to the top right after this story dies down (and it will die fast.  No one cares.  ).]

A cranky Santorum appeared on right-wing Steve Malzberg's talk show to express his ire and frustration:

"It's just that. It's filth. It's, you know, this man has, has gone out there and tried to destroy my integrity. I mean, you've heard the whole issue of the Google issue. That's Dan Savage. You know, it's, it's the lowest, you know, debasement of public discourse. It's, it's offensive beyond, you know, anything that any public figure or anybody in America should tolerate, and the mainstream media laughs about it. They, they, they kid about it. They write about it. They say, 'Oh, Santorum's got a Google problem.'

Dan Savage responded on AMERICAblog Gay:

"And you have to love how Santorum is out there mewling about being the victim here and about civility-- this from the man who compared people in stable, loving same-sex relationships to dog fuckers and kiddie rapists, this from a man who would make gay and straight sodomy illegal, ban gay marriage and any other protections for same-sex couples, and prevent loving same-sex couples from adopting children who need homes. This from a man who would literally destroy my family if it were within in his power to do so. And the "Savage Love" gang? All we did was make a dirty joke at his expense. There has been no effort to strip Rick Santorum of his civil rights, no moves to nullify his marriage, no one has suggested that his children be taken out of his home, no one is trying to prevent him from having more children. No one has compared Rick Santorum to a dog fucker or a pedophile. Compared to Rick Santorum, my readers and I have been models of decorum and restraint."

"And don't think you're fooling us, Rick. Now that you're running for president -- eight years after we redefined 'santorum' -- you're whining to attract a little attention to your campaign and because your advisors think that maybe you'll get a little traction playing the pansy-assed victim card, à la Sarah Palin, and rake in a few bucks. Oh, look at that mean gay dude -- one of the guys I want to oppress -- he's picking on meeeeeeeeee."

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