President Obama again denies role in White House press orgy

By Pablo Fanque
National Affairs Ed.

Figure 1 — photographic proof The President was involved in the briefing room outrage

The White House yesterday denied, on three separate occasions (ala Saint Peter), that President Obama led a degenerate, Caligula-style orgy in the West Wing press briefing room.  This is Meet The Press taken to the next level.

The story has been widely quoted in social media, including several blogs and websites that appear to believe the story from The Onion, is true. . .these sites, naturally, call for a bloodletting at the Very Highest Levels. 

"Eyewitness accounts confirmed that as the reporters continued ravenously copulating on top of one another, Obama ripped off his shirt, leaned back in a large golden chair, and was attended to by a bevy of 23-year-old political bloggers who eagerly satisfied his every sensual whim." - The Onion, May 22

The Onion, May 22 article quotes BHO: “This is a day of excess! So now, release yourselves from your attire and surrender your body and mind to the pleasures of thevita carnalis, and to the sheer majesty of the human flesh.” 

“Do not resist,” the president continued. “Avail yourself of every journalist and cameraman in this room!”

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Woman in sumo wrestler's suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar

Via The Old 97's. . .

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Sex for (not with) chips?

An Oklahoma City woman has been fined $1,142 after pleading no contest to prostitution charges.

She was accused of accepting a box of chips for sex. The 36 year old, Lahoma Sue Smith, was busted in southeast Oklahoma City after cops found her in flagrante in a car with a man.

The john told police officers that he knew there were prostitutes in the neighborhood.

The man didn't have any money, Lahoma Sue Smith told officers, so she agreed to accept a $30 case of chips in barter. The man was not charged and, unfortunately, they did not release his name.
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Love Hurts: Never say "no" to sex in the morning

According to a Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office report, early last Saturday morning, Brittany Phillips, a 19-year-old Louisiana woman, was ready for sex. But her BF, Todd Stewart, 35, was not supplying it. He tried to push Phillips off him in the bedroom of their West Monroe, Louisana home.


click to enlarge the complaint

Phillips claims that Stewart became violent after he shut her down (and the physical evidence does not disagree). Stewart told an investigator that he left the bedroom to sleep on a living room couch, but that Phillips "would not leave him alone." At some point, he added, things got physical and he was stabbed in the lower lip with "a long metal object which appeared to be a knife."


Todd Stewart: not ready to go that morning

The sexually frustrated Phillips acknowledged to Deputy Shane Smith that she struck Stewart, but said she did it "to protect herself." Phillips, pictured in the mug shot above, was charged with aggravated battery, and the battered Stewart, was charged with simple battery. Phillips was also booked on a pair of outstanding warrants, for more (!!) simple battery and damage to property.


click to enlarge
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