A second joke I know by heart

OK, I lied when I said I only knew one joke by heart. Yes, besides the Ungawa joke, there's the Kangaroo joke:

A proper British couple saved their money all year to go on holiday to the outback of Australia. It was to be a real "rugged" adventure. After am endless airplane flight, and a savage bus ride into the Outback, they arrived at their long-awaited destination. . .a tarpaper shack in a clearing with several Land Rovers parked on the side.

Tired, but eager to get started, they went in to speak with the "tour director. "

"G'day mates", said a friendly man behind the counter. "Here's some keys for a Rover and a map. Just follow the trail along and you'll circle back 'round after a few hours." The couple took the keys, jumped in one of the trucks and proceeded along the trail.

About a mile down the trail, they happened on an aborigine who was right in the middle of the road, hopping wildy about, and having sex with a kangaroo. The woman turned to her husband in shock: "Barbarians!", she said. "Drive around...that's disgusting!!"

The man detoured around the man and beast, and resumed the ride. . .horrified by what they'd just witnessed. No sooner had they stopped talking about the incident when they happened upon a one-legged aborigine, screwing a knothole in a tree by the road.

"Savages!!" the woman cried in horror. "Turn this truck around! I can't take any more of this!!" Her husband complied and they returned to the shack. Finding the director again behind the desk, the man exploded: "We've saved all year to come on this trip! We wanted to enjoy the beauty of the wilderness, and what do we see? First, there's a pervert screwing a kangaroo in road, then a one legged man screwing a tree!!! I can't tell you how disappointed we are!"

"Aw, c'mon now mate" said the director..."You can't expect a one-legged bloke to manage a roo!"
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Alien Lore No. 69 - President Jimmy Carter's UFO Encounter

During Jimmy Carter's tenure as Governor of Georgia, he sighted a UFO in Leary, Georgia.

The sighting was on January 6, 1969 at 7:15 P.M. Governor Carter filed a report with the NICAP (National Investigations Committee on Aerial Phenomena). The report explained that there was a large, bright object in the sky. It moved toward him from a distance, stopped, moved away, and then departed. It had a blue color at first, and then turned red. It was more like a light than a solid object. The object looked to be the size of the moon. It was about 300-1000 miles away and 30 degrees above the horizon.

Robert Sheaffer, a scientists that works for the government believes that Jimmy Carter really saw Venus, but Carter denies that. He even signed a paper that states that he encountered a UFO.


A former Defense Intelligence Agency official, a senior Stanford Research Institute policy analyst and the constitutional attorney Daniel Sheehan have all confirmed that President Carter's attempts to obtain UFO information was thwarted by illegal actions by rogue military and intelligence entities.

Ronald Reagan also had encounters with UFOs. Click here to read about one.

Click here to read about Goldwater, Nixon, and Ford's close encounters.
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New Riots In France

Demonstrators, ahem, rioters, opposed to a new jobs law massed in downtown Paris Tuesday, threw rocks, tore down signs and ripped up park benches.

Tactical riot police fired tear gas, charged the crowds, and made some arrests. The police said one million people were demonstrating and rioting all around France. Leaders of the protest said it was more like three million. The Eiffel Tower was closed, and plane and train service was halted for the second time in a week.

Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin cooked up the despised "first job contract" in an attempt to jump start the economy and lessen youth unemployment. De Villepin claims it would encourage job growth hiring by allowing employers to fire workers under 26 during their first two years on a job without giving a reason. As it stands currently, it is extremely difficult to fire amyone in France, and when you do, you essentially have to pay them off.


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The Delay Is Over

Beseiged former Majority Leader Tom DeLay threw in the towel today, a month after promising to give his Republican rivals "an old-fashioned Texas whoopin'."

In a statement announcing his resignation to constituents, DeLay said, “I have no fear whatsoever about any investigation into me or my personal or professional activities.”

The new house Republican leader John Boehner said “He has served our nation with integrity and honor, and I’m honored to call him my colleague and friend.” He said integrity.
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Thirty-eight years ago today, Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated

Thirty eight years ago, Martin Luther King Jr. was shot while he was standing on the balcony of his room at the Motel Lorraine in Memphis.

MLK came to Memphis to support a sanitation workers' strike and was going to dinner when a bullet entered his jaw and severed his spinal cord. He was dead on arrival at the hospital. He was 39 years old.


Shortly before his murder, Martin Luther King came to focus on economic inequality in America. He began planning an interracial "Poor People's March" on Washington and in March 1968 had traveled to Memphis in support of the exploited sanitation workers. A workers' rotest march led by King in late March ended in the death of a black teenager. King promised to come back in early April to lead another demonstration.

The day before he died, he gave his last sermon, the amazing and moving mountaintop speech:

"We've got some difficult days ahead, but it really doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life; longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And he's allowed me to go up to the mountain, and I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land."

One day later, Dr. King was assassinated, allegedly by James Earl Ray.
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Alien Lore 68 - UFO/Alien Reporting Form from UFORC

This is the official Alien/UFO report form from the National UFO Resource Center, a Seattle group. There are several other national groups that collect and research UFO/Alien reports, including CUFON in Seattle, and MUFON .







UFORC.COM
*OFFICIAL A.C.E. REPORT FORM*


IDENTIFICATION

Name___________________
Gender (M/F) ____________
Age____________________
Street Number ___________
City, State, Zip Code _______
Country ________________
Home Phone _____________
Work Phone _____________
E-Mail Address ___________


DESCRIPTION OF EVENT
Event Location (City/State/Country) ___
Date of Event ____________________
Time of Event ____________________
Duration of Event _________________
Weather Conditions ________________
Has this event been reported by you to any other agency (Y/N)? (If Yes, please name)
Previous ACE____________________
Additional witnesses______________


DESCRIPTION OF ALIENS

Number of Entities __________
Shape____________________
Eye color _________________
Height ___________________
Sound? __________________
Weight __________________
Color ___________________
Behavior ________________
Additional Details/Markings _______________________________
Was the alien: passive friendly hostile other ____________________
Did you see a UFO? YES NO
Time loss/memory loss? YES NO
Photo(s)/Film/Video/Sketch available? YES NO


UFO PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: (Check appropriate boxes)

Light form only ____________________
Vehicle/Device ____________________
Animal reaction ____________________
Physical traces ____________________
Atmospheric traces _________________
Psychological event _________________
Bodily or Anatomical event ____________
Electromagnetic event _______________
Landing/Touchdown of UFO __________
Prior UFO sightings ________________


UFO FLIGHT CHARACTERISTICS: (Check appropriate boxes)

Passed overhead ____________________
Within 200 feet of ground ______________
Within 200 feet of witnesses ____________
Under cloud ceiling ___________________
Change in motion ____________________
Continuous flight ____________________
Stationary target ____________________

Other facts you may wish to include:


Please suggest the best time a UFORC investigator may contact you for follow-up:

A parable of Inauguration Day, 2009: Sven's Dog

Torval and Sven were sitting in a Ballard tavern.

Tor asks: "Sven? Why is your dog licking his ass? Does He have worms or something?"

Sven turns to him and says: "No. . .he's O.K. He ate some lutefisk and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
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Poem: The Walt Taborski Dream

click paintings to enlarge


Walt Taborski starred
In a recurring dream
When I was eight years old.

I dreamed I was dreaming
And kept hearing
A tap tap tap.

I thought the tapping
Was the dream
And woke up.

The tapping started again.
I didn't know if I was awake
Or awake in the dream.

I dreamed I was dreaming
I slid out of bed
And edged along the hallway

Toward the tapping
On the kitchen window
Facing the big blowsy roses

In the backyard.
When I got to the kitchen,
His face was in the window.
























Framed by the roses
And darkness
Was the unearthly face

Of Walt Taborski,
Peering in, moving his head
Side to side

In his steel-grey fedora,
Stiff wool overcoat,
And coke-bottle glasses.

His eyes bore down on me.
I coudn't scream
And I couldn't move.

I couldn't look at those eyes,
But with those eyes,
I had no choice;

I could only stare
At the Peeping Tom
Petrified anything I did

Would cause him to burst in.
I inched away
Nearly motionless

As if slow
Would buffalo him,
And he wouldn't actually see me

Drift from his focal point
Imperceptibly backing up
To the perceived safety

Of my room.
At the end of the hall,
I could cut and run.

The sheets in my bed were cold
When I climbed back in.
In the morning,

And every time I dreamed the dream,
I never knew
If it was him

Or me dreaming
Him in the window,
And I never told anyone

About Walt Taborski looking
In the window
Until tonight.
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Alien Lore No. 67 - A list of UFO bodies in the possession of the United States Government

This is the commonly accepted--among UFOlogists--list of alien/grey bodies in possession of the U.S. government. You'd think with that many stiffs sitting around in federal coolers, we'd have figured out a little more about The Greys by now. . .


1939-46 Spitzenbergen, NORWAY unknown number of bodies
4 July 1947 Roswell, NM 4 Bodies
13 Feb 1948 Aztec, NM 12 Bodies
7 July 1948 MEXICO So.of LAREDO TX 1 Body
1949 Roswell, NM 1 ET Living
1952 Spitzenbergen, NORWAY 2 Bodies



14 Aug 1952 Ely, NV 16 Bodies
10 Sep 1950 Albuquerque, NM 3 Bodies
18 Apr 1953 S.W. AZ No Bodies
20 May 1953 Kingman, AZ 1 Body
19 June 1953 Laredo, TX 4 Bodies
10 July 1953 Johofnisburg S.AFRICA 5 Bodies
13 Oct 1953 Dutton MT 4 Bodies
5 May 1955 Brighton, ENGLAND 4 Bodies
18 July 1957 Carlsbad, NM 4 Bodies
1961 Timmensdorfer, GERMANY 12 Bodies
12 June 1962 Holloman AFB NM 2 Bodies
10 Nov 1964 Ft.Riley, KS 9 Bodies
27 Oct 1966 N.W AZ 1 Body
1966-1968 5 CRASHES IN/KY/OH AREA 3 bodies Disk Intact
18 July 1972 MORROCO SAHARA DESERT 3 Bodies
10 July 1973 ARIZONA NW AZ 5 Bodies
25 Aug 1974 CHIHUAHUA MEXICO unknown number of bodies - Disk Intact



12 May 1976 AUSTRALIAN DESERT 4 Bodies
22 June 1977 NW AZ 5 Bodies
5 Apr 1977 SW OH 11 Bodies
17 Aug 1977 TOBASCO MEXICO 2 Bodies
May 1978 BOLIVIA No Bodies



Nov 1988 AFGHANISTAN 7 Bodies
May 1989 S AFRICA 2 ET Living
June 1989 Wright-Patterson AFB from S AFRICA UFO & 2 ET transported in 2 Galaxy Transports
July 1989 SIBERIA 9 ET Living
2 Sept 1990 Megas Platanos GREECE unknown number of bodies
Nov 1992 Long Island, NY unknown number of bodies
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Justice Scalia: "Read between the lines"

Peter Smith, a freelance photographer, has been fired from his gig with a Boston Catholic newspaper because he released a picture of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia making a controversial gesture (that Scalia says is a Sicilian hand gesture, but many of us know as the middle finger in disguise--"read between the lines!"

Peter Smith freelanced for The Pilot newspaper for ten years and lost the job yesterday after the Boston Herald ran his photo on its front page.
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We've been Farked. . .

click to enlarge

Y'all come back now. Heah?
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White House sources reveal V.P. Cheney under suicide watch and a White House in chaos

All This Is That has learned from senior administration officials that Vice-President Cheney is under treatment and has been placed on a clandestine suicide watch following new revelations about his office's complicity in the Valerie Plame spy case.

As The Raw Story reported, "sources close to Rove and others familiar with the inquiry, say Bush's senior adviser tipped off Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald to information that led to the recent "discovery" of 250 pages of missing email" from Cheney's office. Cheney was seen sobbing by several high level staffers before being sedated by Dr. Edwin Argent. The incident capped months of increasingly unstable behavior by the Vice-President as his political fortunes continue to erode. Aides to the Vice-President have become increasingly alarmed by both his behavior, and statements that "it's all over, we're not getting out of this one." The Vice-President's mental health reportedly took a sharp turn for the worse following last month's incident where Mr. Cheney "accidentally" shot hunting companion Harry Whittington.

A Dr. Edwin Argent has become the de facto West Wing psychiatrist in recent months, reportedly treating 12 senior officials for a variety of illnesses, including obsessive compulsive disorder, severe depression, sleeplessness, and episodes of schizophrenia, with one official frequently hearing voices.

"Honestly, " one senior staffer told us, "the inmates are running the asylum. Dr. Ed's hands are full. People are talking about suicide, disappearing to Latin America, and one cabinet member even indicated he'd briefly considered taking the life of the Vice-President and Donald Rumsfeld. At the moment, our country is being run by a handful of dangerous fruitcakes. " The aide continued, "the worst part is that it seems to be getting to Dr. Argent as well. He is no longer the rectitudinous and reassured Doctor who calmly entered the White House in December. He's slipping. It's too much for one man. But if they bring in reinforcements, word is sure to leak."


Dr. Edwin Argent in 2002

One White House aide said that if word of Dr. Argent's treatment got out, it could shatter financial markets, trigger a grass roots rebellion against the G.O.P., and possibly, even encourage terrorists to strike again. "But I don't see how they can keep it bottled up much longer. When they prop Rumsfeld up in front of the cameras, he is pumped full of thorazine. Vallium and Xanax are handed out, no questions asked. The heavier stuff's not hard to find. The shrink is booked 'round the clock. They don't even bring Cheney out anymore. He's a basket case."

Another top official said "The President is not as emotional or fragile as his top aides. Thank God. I think he got it out of him a while ago. But he is worried and desperately concerned about the Vice-President. "He just about pushed Andy Card out the door this week, following what had become extremely bizarre behavior, including playing with Legos and sitting naked at his desk for hours at a time." The President reportedly feels abandoned, fragile, vulnerable, and alone."

Dr. Edwin Argent, a highly-respected psychiatrist, has in recent years worked exclusively with well-heeled and famous clients. Less than a year ago, the Justice Department quashed an investigation into numerous drug violations against Argent. In December, 2005, he was secretly moved into the West Wing, where he set up a discreet clinic.
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