A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!
But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso popped out!
The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms popped out!
The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.
By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs popped out.
The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.
The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."
Monday, February 15, 2010
An astounding guitar performance by Tommy Emmanuel
A stunning YouTube video clip of Tommy Emmanuel playing his Guitar Boogie & Stevie's Blues at a show at Copper Mountain, CO. July 30th 2006. Wow.
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Sunday, February 14, 2010
Taking Up A Collection For President Obama
On my way back to my hotel in Washington, D.C., I was caught in a hellish traffic jam. I asked a cop walking between cars "hey, what's going on?" The officer said "the President is depressed. He stopped his motorcade and threatened to douse himself with gasoline and torch it. He says no one believes his stories about the war in Afghanistan, or that his stimulus money will help anyone except corporations. His health plan is a joke. Even the press is piling on now, he said. So, anyhow, we're taking up a collection for him."
The officer replied, "About 14 gallons, but I think a lot of folks are still siphoning."
---o0o---
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Joe Klein explains in Time why Sarah Palin is a threat
By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That National Affairs Editor
Joe Klein hit it on the head in this week's Time Magazine. He was right about Clinton, and he's right about why Sarah Palin is geting traction with much of that same demographic.
"I have a theory about Bill Clinton: his philandering worked in his favor politically, especially with a demographic chunk that usually shies away from liberalism: American working guys. It made him more accessible. Here was a fellow who got it on with faded lounge singers and then celebrated with a Double Quarter Pounder and fries at the local McDonald's. If that ain't pickup-truck nirvana, what is? Democrats haven't produced many such men of the people; they produce law-professor presidents, a theme Palin launched in Nashville that we will be hearing a lot more frequently in the future."---o0o---
Alien Lore No. 168 - Scientology and Aliens
I didn't realize that Scientology was, more or less, based upon Alien Visitors. Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 (the word means"the study of truth" in Latin), and is based on a belief--like many other religions--that man is"an immortal, spiritual being."
Their website is here.
Scientology believes that man's abilities are unlimited. No one is asked to believe or accept anything. "That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true."
In Scientology, The Thetans are immortal beings attached to human bodies that span multiple lifetimes. All humans consist of the body, the mind, and the Thetan itself, "which is the spirit, or you." Scientologists believe that the Thetans are the foundation of all human beings.
75 million years ago, Xenu, the alien leader of the Galactic Confederation, came to Earth to drop off a large number of alienns. They set off a hydrogen bomb, which fused the Thetans to whatever was left of the humans after the H-bomb blast.
The Scientologists, by the way, do not believe in psychology or psychiatry. This is not completely shocking coming from a group that believes humans are the children of an H-bomb, cavemen, and a horde of aliens.
As you know, the church has a passel of celebrities as members. Four that come to mind are John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Kirstie Alley.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Huh? I don't know why this works (or doesn't work, actually)
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
________________________________________
What is the total? Scroll down for answer..
Is this weird, or what? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Try it on your calculator now. . .
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Government stimulus: the joke
By Pablo Fanque
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor
The New “Stimulus” Package
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
---o0o---
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor
It is fascinating seeing photos of Republican Senators and Representatives, who gave speeches denouncing the "stimulus package," handing out stimulus $$$. Hundreds of web sites and blogs have posted pictures of the stimulus detractors back home, posing with gigantic--think of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes--faux checks they hand over to their constituents businesses.
Which reminds me of a joke I heard not along ago. I don't know if they classify jokes like they do folk takes, but this would definitely be Joke 22A. . .you've heard it before, cast in a different light.
The New “Stimulus” Package
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.
All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”
The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”
The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”
“Done!” replies the government official.
---o0o---
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
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