Poem: Hard Landing

By Jack Brummet 

A plane embedded in the ground
And scattered across the desert
Is called an hard landing.
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Happy 73rd birthday to Phil Lesh!

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ATIT Reheated (From 2010): What would Jesus eat?

By Jack Brummet, Theology Ed. 

What Would Jesus Eat?   We don't really know what Jesus ate, but there is, naturally, a panel of wildly divergent experts on the Internet who will tell you they know.  In fact, someone wrote a book, and put out a "What Would Jesus Eat? diet." 

What do we know about what Jesus ate?  Not much at all.  The Bible does not specifically detail whether he ate on the day of the Sermon On The Mount or not; we know he fed a large crowd that day with a few loaves of barley bread and two fish. 

"...he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people."  

The Feeding of the 5,000 (the story of the loaves and fishes) is the only miracle (besides his  resurrection) that happens in all four Gospels (Matthew 14:13–21, Mark 6:31-44, Luke 9:10-17 and John 6:5-15).  But we still don't know if he ate, held out for a steak, or maybe lentils, back in town.

We know He changed water into wine.  We just don't know whether he drank it or not. 

The Gospel of Luke says Jesus ate broiled fish and honeycomb (Luke 24:42).  As far as I can tell, this is the only mention in the Bible of him actually eating.  This knocks out some of the most vociferous claims of Christ's vegetarianism.   But there seem to be many people who believe that Christ was a vegan or vegetarian, and many others that believe he probably ate fish, and maybe some lamb once in a while.  We know he served bread and wine at the Last Supper, but we do not know whether he ate or drank any of it himself.

Both crackpots and scholars believe that Jesus ate a Mediterranean Diet version of strictly kosher Jewish food, which would include olives, olive oil, lamb and fin fish, and possibly beef (we know the kosher diet could include "fatted calf"), grains, vegetables, and fruit.  But other crackpots and scholars claim he ate no meat or fish at all.   People don't seem to have eaten chicken in the bible, which would rule out matzoh ball soup. 

Many people claim Jesus Christ as a vegetarian.  In 1999, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) launched a campaign to claim that Jesus was a vegetarian. Billboards stating "Jesus was a vegetarian. Show respect for God's creatures - follow Him" were put up around the country.

The Gospels specifically mention Jesus keeping three Passover feasts in Jerusalem. In order to keep the feast, the participants were given roasted lamb, bitter herbs, and unleavened bread to eat (Exodus 12:3-4). The entire lamb had to be eaten during the feast. If there were any leftovers, they had to be burned (Exodus 12:10). If Jesus did not eat the lamb, he may have been violating the Law and could have been accused of sin.  But we just don't know....no one mentions whether he sat at the table and ate, or not.

"... observe the Passover to the LORD. 'In the second month on the fourteenth day at twilight, they shall observe it; they shall eat it with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. 'They shall leave none of it until morning, nor break a bone of it; according to all the statute of the Passover they shall observe it. 'But the man who is clean and is not on a journey, and yet neglects to observe the Passover, that person shall then be cut off from his people, for he did not present the offering of the LORD at its appointed time. That man will bear his sin." (Numbers 9:10-13)

Jesus possibly ate lamb, and definitely ate fish:

"But while they still did not believe for joy, and marveled, He said to them, 'Have you any food here?' So they gave Him a piece of a broiled fish and some honeycomb. And He took it and ate in their presence" (Luke 24:41-43).

Whether Jesus ate fish or lamb, or was a strict vegetarian, we know he believed in fishing, and helped his disciples and other fish.  Vegetarian, or not, he was at the least, an enabler:

"So Jesus said to them, "Children, you do not have any fish, do you?" They answered Him, "No." And He said to them, "Cast the net on the right-hand side of the boat and you will find a catch." So they cast, and then they were not able to haul it in because of the great number of fish. ... So when they got out on the land, they saw a charcoal fire already laid and fish placed on it, and bread. Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish which you have now caught." Simon Peter went up and drew the net to land, full of large fish, a hundred and fifty-three; and although there were so many, the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples ventured to question Him, "Who are You?" knowing that it was the Lord. Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish likewise." (John 21:5-6, 9-14).

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How to hypnotize a chicken

By Jack Brummet, Unexplained Phenomena Ed.

Thanks to Jeff Clinton! 

An illustration of a hypnotized chicken from an 18th century book by the famous Jesuit scientist Athanasius Kircher

OK, it's not technically hypnotizing chickens, but more properly, causing tonic immobility[1].   It is related to snake charming, which you have probably seen in cartoons, or B Movies.

A chicken can be put into a trance/hypnotized/lulled into tonic immobility by holding its head against the ground, and then drawing a line along the ground with a stick or a finger, starting at its beak and then running out in front of the chicken. A chicken hypnotized like this will will sit in a trance for anywhere between between 15 seconds and 30 minutes.

In the The  1985 Old Farmer’s Almanac, Linda Riggins wrote about hypnotized chickens:

“A bird will stay hypnotized for a couple of seconds, minutes, or hours,” says White, although in her demonstrations they’re “out” for only minutes.  Regardless of the method used, a sudden movement or loud noise will bring the  chicken out of the hypnotic trance.

"White adds, 'Pheasants go out faster than any other bird. Wild pheasants are  very nervous and high-strung, and usually very easy to hypnotize.' In her  demonstrations, she is protective of pheasants, because after they come out of  hypnosis, they are likely to hurt themselves unless they are carefully  monitored. Noting that domestic birds are more difficult to hypnotize than wild  ones, she suggests that one reason may be wild birds are using a survival skill  when they submit to hypnosis.

"White has reported the results of her experiments at several New Jersey  science conferences and fairs. In one of her studies of 11 birds, the heart and  respiration rates, when measured five minutes after hypnosis, were significantly  lower than in the pre-hypnotic state. For example, in a Bantam White Cochin  cock, the heart rate before hypnosis was 457 beats per minute and after hypnosis  372. The rates for this bird’s respiration were 22 and 20 breaths per minute,  respectively. The temperatures of nine of these birds went down or were  unchanged in the posthypnotic state."

Interestingly enough, in press briefings, the U.S. military--when trying to avoid divulging information, gives reporters briefings with 20 minutes of intentionally dull PowerPoint presentations and 5 minutes left at the end for questions from anyone who is still awake. Those presentations are called hypnotizing chickens around The Pentagon.



[1] From the Wikipedia page on tonic immobility:  "Tonic immobility is a natural state of paralysis that animals enter, in most cases when presented with a threat. Some scientists relate it to mating in certain animals like the shark.

"Some sharks can be placed in a tonic state. The shark remains in this state of paralysis for an average of fifteen minutes before it recovers. Scientists have exploited this phenomenon to study shark behaviour. The effects of chemical shark repellent have been studied to test effectiveness and to narrow down dose sizes, concentrations, and time to awaken."

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Photograph: Pope Francis 1.1

Photo by Jack Brummet 

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Three actual books: The Long Journey Of Mister Poop, The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories, and Goodbye Testicles

By Jack Brummet, Books Editor

It sounds so much more classy when you say "El Gran Viaje del Señor Caca," and, yes, it is available on Amazon.  As someone pointed out to me earlier in the day, what could possibly be in the valise?

All of these books are in print, and available on Amazon...

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Cooking with Jack No. 4 - Chicken and Rice recipe

By Jack Brummet

The Chicken 

Take a 3 1/2- 4 1/2  pound chicken, skin it, rinse off, and take off some of the yellow fat.  Place the chicken in a fairly deep pot, and add water or chicken stock to cover by one inch.). 

Add to the pot: 

• 1 diced carrot
• 1 diced celery stalk
• Three cloves of garlic, chopped
• one chopped onion
• salt and fresh ground pepper
• one or two bay leaves

Bring to a boil, turn the heat down, and simmer very slowly for about 50 minutes.  Take out the chicken and let it cool a bit so you can dismember it. Keep the stock for the rice, below.

After the chicken has cooked about 40 minutes, start the rice -- which is risotto style. 

The Rice

• 2 cups  Valencia, Arborio, or short grain rice
• 1/2 onion chopped
• 2-3 cloves garlic, minced
• 6+ cups of the stock from the chicken
• a pinch of freshly ground nutmeg
• salt and fresh ground pepper
• a handful of sliced mushrooms (optional)

Heat a shallow pan or skillet.  Put one tbs.each olive oil and butter in a pan.  Add two or three cloves chopped garlic, and half a chopped onion.   Saute over medium heat two minutes. Add 2 cups rice. Let the rice cook for a couple of minutes, stirring all the time.  Add two cups of the hot chicken stock.  Let cook and stir.  Every few minutes add more chicken stock to the rice and cook it down. 

Dismember the chicken into 8 pieces..  Cut off the legs and cut into two--leaving a thigh and a drumstick.  Cut off the wings and then cut off the bony tips.  Take off the breasts and remove the meat.  Toss the carcass into the chicken stock (to make more stock for later).

Finish up the rice with a couple grinds of nutmeg and check the seasoning.  And it's done!

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Alien Lore No. 246 - A wave of Grey and UFO photos

By Jack Brummet, Alien Lore Ed.

In recent months, a wave of "real" alien photos have appeared on various websites, blogs, Picasa, Flickr, and Tumblr.

In January, The Bangkok Post ran a photo of an alien on a beach in Thailand:

The Open Minds UFO investigation site explains that these alien photos began appearing not long after the release of the special effects app., Camera360 app for Android. phones. The app. allows users to easily incorporate lightning, UFOs, Greys, and other effects into photos.

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Drawing: Faces No. 375 - TSA profile victim

By Jack Brummet

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Faces No. 374 - The Proctor

Drawing by Jack Brummet

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Poem: Autopsy of a President

By Jack Brummet, Presidents Editor

From Andy Rash's blog Iotacons - http://iotacons.blogspot.com/.  Used with permission.

Weak character coupled with an honored place
Half-baked knowledge with big plans

And limited reason with heavy responsibility
Will not escape disaster.

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Five years ago today on ATIT: It wasn't the babes, it was the bucks: Eliot Spitzer brings down yet another prostitution ring

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Ed

It wasn't the babes, it was the bucks, according to Brian Ross on the ABC News website. And get this: they're thinking of prosecuting him under an obscure law for "structuring," which is more or less money laundering to cover up the source of cash (which is just what he did). Curiously, this is the third prostitution ring the former Attorney General of New York brought down. . .this one by accident.

"The federal investigation of a New York prostitution ring was triggered by Gov. Eliot Spitzer's suspicious money transfers, initially leading agents to believe Spitzer was hiding bribes, according to federal officials. "

They didn't start out investigating the hookers prostitutes call girls escorts. It was Spitzer they were onto after his bank notified the feds of suspicious financial activity. The FBI uncovered his emails and wiretapped his phones. It seems Elliott didn't follow his own advice:

"Never talk when you can nod, and never nod when you can wink, and never write an e-mail because it's death. You're giving prosecutors all the evidence we need," Spitzer told ABC News two years ago.

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