Christmas Eve mishap: UFO collides with Santa's sleigh

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Zombie Nativity Scene In Ohio

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"The President is not available, Mr. Prime Minister"

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Ed.

Brent Scowcroft and Dr. Henry Kissinger put off the PM of England, Edward Heath, while President Nixon is in the bag. . .

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Drawing: Faces #970 - Busted

By Jack Brummet

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God's Own Drunk by Lord Buckley

I’d like to do a little creative wig bubble for you called “God’s Own Drunk”

Said, just like I say before, I'm a non-drinkin' man. Never drank for some reason or other - didn't like it. But like I said, too, I promised to take care of my brother-in law's still while he went in to vote.
Went up there and it was just where the map said it was. And I'm a gonna tell ya somethin', there was no li'l old five or ten cent still. It was laid there just like a golden mountain opal. With a kind of a honey dew cry a comin' from it.

I aren't a drinkin' man like I explained to you but that big old yellow moon was a hangin' out there, and God's lanterns was a hangin' in the sky and that curiosity got the best of me. And I took a slash. And I got a crazy revolutionary feelin' in my body. That yellow whiskey went down my throat like honeydew vine water. Huuuuh!!! It tasted mighty good! I felt a revolution goin' through my body like there was a great neon sign's a goin' up and sayin' "There's a great life a comin'!"

I could feel it talkin' to me and I took another slash and I got another jolt and I took another slash and I started to sing. I started to sing and that big ol' yellow moon a hangin' out there and God's sweet lanterns are hangin' in the sky. And I’s a singin'. Never could sing a note before in my life but I was singin' as fine and as pretty as you'd ever wanna hear.

And I took another slash. And then I took a big, full - that big ol' yellow moon a hangin' out there, God's lanterns hangin' in the sky, and suddenly I got a tremendous revolution of emotion in my body, like I was fallin' in love with everything in God's sweet world that moved.  Lived, didn't live, animate, inanimate, black, blue, green, pink, mountains, fountains. I was in love with life. 'Cause I was DRUNK!

I wasn't fallin' down slippin 'n' slidin' drunk, I was God's own drunk - a fearless man.
And that's when I first saw the bear. Big ol' Kodiak lookin' fellah about 16 foot tall. I walked right on up to that bear 'cause I was God's own drunk and I loved everything in this world, walked right up tight to 'im about four and a half feet and I looked right up in his eyes and I wanna tell you somethin' brothers and sisters, my eyes was redder 'n his was - hung 'im up.

And he's a sniffin', he's a sniffin', he's trying to smell some fear - he can't do it cause I'm God's own drunk, and I'm a fearless man. He expects me to do two things - flip or fly - I don't do either, hangs 'im up.

I told him, I said, "Mr. Bear, I'm God's own drunk and I love every hair on your twenty seven acre body. I'm a fearless man."

I said, "I want you to go - I know you got bear friends over the hill there, Harry Bear and Tim Bear and Jelly Bear and Tony Bear and Teddy Bear, Phil Bear, Hazel Bear, John Bear, Pete Bear and Rare Bear. Go over and tell all of 'em that I'm God's own drunk tonight, and I love everything in God's green creation, and I love them like brothers. But if they give me any trouble. I'm gonna run every GOD DAMN one of 'em off the hill!"

I moved up, don't you know he moved back two feet. I reached up and took the bear by the hand. I said, "Mr. Bear, we're both beasts when it comes right down to it."

He's a lookin' down at me. I said, "I want you to come with me. You're gonna be my buddy, buddy bear."

Took him right by his big ol' shaggy island size hand and led him on over, sat him down by the still.
Well, he's sniffin', he's sniffin, he's knows there's honey dew around there, some kind of honey bear honey dew of some kind, he's a sniffin'. I know what he's a sniffin' at. I took a slash or two myself to taste her out and I filled him a bottle. Did ya ever see them bears, the silhouette a them bears at the circus suckin' up that sarsaparilla Aaaaah it was a fine lookin' sight.

And he downed another bottle and he downed another bottle and I put two more on 'im and pretty soon he started sniffin' and snortin', tapped his foot. He got up and started to do the Bear Dance - two sniffs, three snorts, a half a turn and one grunt. And I'm tryin' to do it, but I couldn't do it 'cause it was just like a jitterbug dance - it was so simple it evaded me.

But we was a dancin' and yellin', and God's sweet moon hangin' in the sky and God's sweet lanterns out there and there's jubilation and love on that hill and finally it piled up and up and up and got so strong it overwhelmed my soul. And I laid back on that sweet green hill with that big ol' buddy bear paw right in mine and I went to sleep.

And I slept for four hours and dreamt me some tremulous dreams. And when I woke up, that ol' yellow moon was a hangin' in the sky, and God's sweet lanterns was out there, and my buddy the bear was a missin'. And you want to know somethin' else brothers and sisters? So was the still.

Drawing: Faces #969 - Birdhouse

By Jack Brummet

[pencil and Sharpie on white painted birdhouse]

click to enlarge

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The U.S.A. did not cave in to the Sony hackers; Sony did

By Jack Brummet, Terrorism & Film Ed.

People keep postulating that the decision to cancel the release of the movie "The Interview" is caving into the hackers' demands. It is more nuanced than that.

1) These aren't the demands of hackers. The hackers were the water boys, messengers, and thieves, in this operation. They were working for Kim Jong-un and the North Korean government. Any demands and threats were, yes, delivered by the hackers, but ultimately came from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. In a country under a totalitarian family dictatorship, or, really, an absolute monarchy, this means the orders came from the top, e.g., Kim Jong-un.

2) People keep writing, posting, tweeting, etc., that the U.S. capitulated to the terrorists. The U.S. Government actually had nothing to do with this. Believe me, BHO, The Supremes, and especially Congress have virtually no control or influence over Sony. This was a decision by Sony, for Sony. Sure, I wouldn't necessarily rule out that that they came under pressure from BHO, or the NSA/Homeland Security, or another three letter agency, but for now it doesn't appear they actually did.

3) This is not the U.S.A. capitulating to terrorists. It was an economic decision on Sony's part, and one they may come to regret. It appears that--despite the critical merits of the film (reportedly not very good)--it could have been a blockbuster with people wanting to see what the fuss is all about. I suspect they will end up releasing the film once the smoke has cleared. And when they do, it won't be because they're standing up to terrorists. The go/no go will be based strictly on economics.

As always, I reserve the right to switch my position 180 degrees any moment.

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F*** Yeah: Alamo Drafthouse Theater to Show 'Team America' In Place of 'The Interview'

By Jack Brummet, Film & Terrorism Ed.

From the Hollywood Reporter:  

"After Sony canceled the release of the North Korea assassination comedy The Interview, a Texas theater said it would swap the film with Paramount's 2004 film Team America: World Police for one free screening.

"We're just trying to make the best of an unfortunate situation," James Wallace, creative manager and programmer at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema's Dallas/Fort Worth location, tells The Hollywood Reporter.

"American flags and other patriotic items will be given out by theater employees, Wallace says.

"The plot of Team America, co-written by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, revolves around Kim Jong Il, the father of current North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. The posters promoting the R-rated movie in 2004 included the tagline, 'Putting the 'F' Back in Freedom.' "

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Ex-Governor Jeb Bush is running for President

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Ed.

He's in.  This is going to make things really interesting for some of his fellow candidates.

I bet he's in at least as far as Iowa and New Hampshire.  Don't forget that the last time the GOP won the White House without a Bush on the ticket was 1972, when Richard Nixon trounced George McGovern.

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Drawing: the message

By Jack Brummet

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The U.S. switchover to metric

By Jack Brummet, Measures Ed. 

This is a map of countries not using the metric system (it's puzzling, yes, but I'm OK with it).

I was in that generation of 60's kids who were completely indoctrinated in the metric system in Elementary School--our teachers were trained, and schools were given all sorts of metric teaching tools, and metric trash and trinkets.  We were ready for the big switchover.  Ever since, I can convert back and forth in my head pretty seamlessly.  But along the way we faltered, and ended up really only converting wine and whiskey to the new system (and, as someone noted when I posted a version of this on Facebook, the packaging of street drugs taught entire generations about  people about micrograms, grams, and kilograms).  

Liberia, Myanmar, and the U.S.A.--keep rocking your system!

The Seattle Seahawks 13th man approves

The 13s approve. We're 82.7% back in the fold.#GoHawks #LOB

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