Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Jokes, No. 12: The Quarters

A young boy goes into a barber shop.  The barber whispers to his customer,

“This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,

“Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves and sees the same boy coming out of an ice cream store.

“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licks his cone and replies,

“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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Drawing: Faces No. 111 - the numbered, part II

click to enlarge
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Friday, February 19, 2010

Similarities between the Austin plane bomber and the Tea Party Movement

 

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

It's hard to swallow the hand-wringing over Andrew Joseph Stack (another triple-name psycho) and whatever mental illness led him to fly his Piper Cub into a building and murder at least one (and possibly more) people. It's heartbreaking when anyone commits suicide, but Stack's disjointed, rambling diatribe (you can't really call it a manifesto) would have never made these pages on The Smoking Gun, or the headlines of most 'papers, if he had merely committed suicide. "I have had all I can stand," he wrote. He then decided to make a splash by killing some innocent people, although no one in that building probably had anything to do with his woes.

He wrote and posted a deranged and muddy screed, lit his house on fire, and flew his plane into an Austin building that housed the IRS, who went after Stack for not filing tax returns or paying taxes he owed. He owned a house, he owned an airplane, he played bass in a rock band. He doesn't exactly sound like he had been ground down into poverty.

He, earlier, ran two of his businesses into the ground. In 1985, he incorporated Prowess Engineering Inc. in Corona CA. Its business license was suspended by California two years later. He started Software Systems Service Corp. in Lincoln, CA in 1995 and that entity was suspended in 2001. Stack listed himself as chief executive officer of both companies. He then moved to Austin to save them from themselves (according to his screed) with his development/programming prowess.

His web site was removed by its host this afternoon and in its place his ISP posted the following:

"This web site has been taken offline due to the sensitive nature of the events that transpired in Texas this morning and in compliance with a request from the FBI."
His rant, at various points, attacks the rich, the Catholic Church, Austin--one of the great hotbeds of art, food, music, technology, and film in the world), and the American People, or as he pegged us, "zombies." It is full of half-baked conspiracies against him, and builds up to him finally striking a blow against tyranny.




What strikes me most about his rants are the themes and keynotes--very similar to those of the Tea Party people--similar muddy logic, paranoia, disenfranchisement, pent-up rage, and a nearly identical sense of victimization. No doubt some of the Tea Bagger's twisted rhetoric resonated with Andrew Joseph Stack.

Had Stack been a Moslem/Muslim that flew into the building, we would now witness a national debate on The President's policies and about our "war on terror." That was not the case, and we now face up to the grim fact that, as Pogo once said, "We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Us."
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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

an all this is that testimonial


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Lying and contractions



It seems to be conventional wisdom among investigators and interrogators that the use of contractions can be an indicator of truth. “I didn't take it” instead of “I did not take it.”

Two public examples of this that come immediately to mind:

President Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

President Richard Nixon: "I am not a crook."


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Drawing: Faces No. 146 analog-->digital<--analog


click to enlarge
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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Drawing by Jack Brummet: Faces No. 54


Faces No. 54 by Jack Brummet - click to enlarge
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Evan Bayh slips a shiv to the President & Democrats, decides to make some real $$$, or maybe just run for President?


by Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Correspondent

I just wrote a 1,500 word piece about this topic that has now disappeared in Blogger. The title alone remains. How can you be angry about losing two and a half hours of work? Only a fool puts his full trust in a computer, as I've learned many times over the years. I remain the fool.

Let me just say after I lost all that profundity that a) Senator Mikulski is also rumored to be announcing she is stepping down this week; b) Evan Bayh caught both Harry Reid and BHO unaware of his plans (a nice public "Screw You" according to one pundit)); c) it is an amazing turn of events when a Senator with a $13 million war chest, way way ahead in the polls, and no looming sex or graft scandal throws in the towel; d) Huffington and others (like me) think he is biding his time for a run at the white house, of things go the right way; e) the Dems now stand the possibility of not only losing their filibuster-proof supermajority, but majority status period!; f) with a supermajority Obama was unable to pass any serioius legislation at all, let alone a health bill; g) this may not be a mortal wound to Obama, but unless he turns this around very very quickly, he could slowly bleed out well before 2012.
---o0o--

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Head

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.

By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

An astounding guitar performance by Tommy Emmanuel

A stunning YouTube video clip of Tommy Emmanuel playing his Guitar Boogie & Stevie's Blues at a show at Copper Mountain, CO. July 30th 2006.  Wow.


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Drawing: Faces No. 63 - Cube Farm, Section 11-B

click to enlarge
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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Taking Up A Collection For President Obama

On my way back to my hotel in Washington, D.C., I was caught in a hellish traffic jam. I asked a cop walking between cars "hey, what's going on?"

The officer said "the President is depressed. He stopped his motorcade and threatened to douse himself with gasoline and torch it. He says no one believes his stories about the war in Afghanistan, or that his stimulus money will help anyone except corporations. His health plan is a joke. Even the press is piling on now, he said. So, anyhow, we're taking up a collection for him."

"How much have you got so far?" I asked.

The officer replied, "About 14 gallons, but I think a lot of folks are still siphoning."
---o0o---

Friday, February 12, 2010

Joe Klein explains in Time why Sarah Palin is a threat

By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That National Affairs Editor



Joe Klein hit it on the head in this week's Time Magazine.  He was right about Clinton, and he's right about why Sarah Palin is geting traction with much of that same demographic. 

"I have a theory about Bill Clinton: his philandering worked in his favor politically, especially with a demographic chunk that usually shies away from liberalism: American working guys. It made him more accessible. Here was a fellow who got it on with faded lounge singers and then celebrated with a Double Quarter Pounder and fries at the local McDonald's. If that ain't pickup-truck nirvana, what is? Democrats haven't produced many such men of the people; they produce law-professor presidents, a theme Palin launched in Nashville that we will be hearing a lot more frequently in the future."
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Alien Lore No. 168 - Scientology and Aliens



I didn't realize that Scientology was, more or less, based upon Alien Visitors.  Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 (the word means"the study of truth" in Latin), and is based on a belief--like many other religions--that man is"an immortal, spiritual being."

Their website is here.

Scientology believes that man's abilities are unlimited.  No one is asked to believe or accept anything.  "That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true."

In Scientology, The Thetans are immortal beings attached to human bodies that span multiple lifetimes. All humans consist of the body, the mind, and the Thetan itself, "which is the spirit, or you." Scientologists believe that the Thetans are the foundation of all human beings.



















75 million years ago, Xenu, the alien leader of the Galactic Confederation, came to Earth to drop off a large number of alienns.   They set off a hydrogen bomb, which fused the Thetans to whatever was left of the humans after the H-bomb blast. 

The Scientologists, by the way, do not believe in psychology or psychiatry.  This is not completely shocking coming from a group that believes humans are the children of an H-bomb, cavemen, and a horde of aliens.

As you know, the church has a passel of celebrities as members.  Four that come to mind are John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Kirstie Alley.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Huh? I don't know why this works (or doesn't work, actually)


Do the following calculations:

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.



Now add another 1000.


Now add 30.


Add another 1000.


Now add 20.


Now add another 1000.


Now add 10.
________________________________________




What is the total? Scroll down for answer..



















Is this weird, or what?   Did you get 5000?  The correct answer is actually 4100.  Try it on your calculator now. . .
---o0o---

Drawing: Faces No. 82 - Mutants

Click to enlarge:  drawing by Jack Brummet
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Government stimulus: the joke

By Pablo Fanque
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor















It is fascinating seeing photos of Republican Senators and Representatives, who gave speeches denouncing the "stimulus package," handing out stimulus $$$.  Hundreds of web sites and blogs have posted pictures of the stimulus detractors back home, posing with gigantic--think of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes--faux checks they hand over to their constituents businesses. 
Which reminds me of a joke I heard not along ago. I don't know if they classify jokes like they do folk takes, but this would definitely be Joke 22A. . .you've heard it before, cast in a different light.

The New “Stimulus” Package


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.


All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”


The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”


The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”


“Done!” replies the government official.
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Jack Brummet Drawing: Faces No. 48

click to enlarge
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