Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Democratic carbon offsets stiff at the box office



By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

The Aspen Canary Initiative to sell carbon offset credits to Democratic National Convention can only be described as pathetically moribund and doomed from the start. The program, set up by the Dem's Host Committee raised a total of $18.34 worth of Canary Tags, offsetting .9 tons of carbon emissions, or, approximately, not enough to offset a fraction of one state's airfare to the convention let alone thousands of delegates and guests.

The offsets were aimed at DNC-goers other than the official delegates, who had a separate carbon offset program through Vermont-based Native Energy. That program, set up in January through the Democratic National Convention Committee, was utilized by 65 percent of the DNC’s 4,440 delegates, and may have actually made a difference.
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An amazing Guiness record



Svetlana Pankratova is the Guinness World Record-holder for the woman with the longest legs.

She recently met China’s He Pingping, who, according to the Guinness Book of Records, is the world’s shortest man.

The photo op you see above took place yesterday at London’s Trafalgar Square. Pankratova’s legs measure 4.33 feet [jack note: my inseam is a meager 29 inches]. She is 6′7″ and the 20 year old He Pingping, is 2′5″.
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From Robo-poet: The Throbbing Vortex

Robo-poet is a cut-up style poetry generator (cut-ups are a form "popularized" by William Burroughs and Brion Gysin).

Clearly they structured this poetry generator around lines beginning with an adjective and noun, and ending with a verb paired with an -ly adverb. This might be OK for a couplet, but any longer generated poems end up seeming rote.

This poem would be better if you deleted all the line-ending adverbs (like most writing), and varied the adjective-noun constructions. However, as I dip into all the internet poetry generators, I do want to give you their flavor. Clearly, moving the verbs around in the sentence would also help.

Robo-poet uses a fairly interesting vocabulary, and you could, with some editing, create interesting poems from its output. Robot-poet would work better without such a fomulaic approach to the line.


aggressive street dies thinly
dingy corduroy sucks impersonally
soundless rider sullies unholily


broken dream capitulates bleakly
throbbing dream usurps perfunctorily
perfect rider nags dimly


vestigal life boils grimly
capricious dope crashes irritably
concrete nothing defies awfully


deliberate enticement sucks triumphantly
uniform body smotes awfully
traveled vortex capitulates dazzlingly


foul light concocts sleeplessly
stout enticement looks hysterically
throbbing vortex shrieks completely


undisciplined entry mars completely
baleful enticement envelops dimly
raveled vowel nourishes dryly
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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Puzzle, my dogtags, my avatar

The Generator Blog leads you to all sorts of internet toys, mostly similar to our beloved church sign generator. Here are my puzzle, my dogtags, and my avatar.




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A poem from the Poetry Generator: The Cloud Endures

1
The cloud endures like a red sun.
Winds calmly rise like a dead captain.

2
Love, adventure, and anger.
Work, anger, and death.

3
Laughter, anger and death.
The dusty skyscraper grabs the truck.

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Monday, September 15, 2008

33 year old mom steals daughter's identity to attend high school and earn her pom-poms


Wendy Brown is shown in a booking mug shot on Sept. 4, 2008, in
Green Bay, Wis. after her arrest for felony identity theft after
enrolling in Ashwaubenon High School as her daughter
(Photo: Brown County Sheriff's Office)


According to sketchy reports stitched together from various media outlets, Wendy Brown is being charged with felony identity theft after enrolling in High School, posing as her 15-year-old daughter, who lives with her grandparents in another state.

Brown wanted to earn her high school degree and become a cheerleader "because she didn't have a childhood and wanted to regain a part of her life that she'd missed," says the complaint.

She attended classes, and even went to cheer practice and a cheer pool party at the coaches' [1] home . If she is convicted, she could face up to six years in prison, and a large fine as well. We have no word if she snagged a boyfriend (which would be good for another six years if she consummated with said BF), or earned her pom-poms in her short stint at Ashwaubenon.


School officials were immediately suspicious and began investigating the long-in-the-tooth freshman after the first day of school.

[ (1) the plural possessive of coach just doesn't look right to us. But it is, at least according to our usual grammar sources.]
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Sunday, September 14, 2008

Palin's cronies--Agriculture Head: "I liked cows when I was a kid"

The New York Times has a fascinating article this morning on page 1 in the "print" version. You can read it online here, but you may have to sign up (you may have to be a subscriber...I'm not sure).



"Gov. Sarah Palin lives by the maxim that all politics is local, not to mention personal.

"So when there was a vacancy at the top of the State Division of Agriculture, she appointed a high school classmate, Franci Havemeister, to the $95,000-a-year directorship. A former real estate agent, Ms. Havemeister cited her childhood love of cows as a qualification for running the roughly $2 million agency."

Dolly Parton Concert in Seattle, August 8, 2008

Dolly Parton came to Seattle in August and played a great show at a miserable venue--the WaMu Theatre near the Seahawks Stadium and Safeco Field. I started writing about it in August, and just bumped into it again, so I thought I'd finish this now.

Dolly brought along an eight piece band and three back-up singers. The singers were great. The band itself, serviceable. They may have been great (there were no flubs or clams or anything) but they never got much of a chance to stretch out.

Dolly did what is apparently her standard show, just under two hours, with a lot of corny jokes and reminiscences of growing up in a poor family in Smoky Mountain Tennessee. Interestingly, she never mentioned her first big job in the music business, working with Porter Wagner.

Dolly's voice was near-perfect. Unbelievably, heartbreakingly true, and maybe even better than it was on her debut record in the early 70's. When I first heard her sing way back then it was stunning, but thirty-five plus years later, unlike, say Brian Wilson, Joni Mitchell, Mick Jagger, and other 60+ year olds who use back-up singers to hit the high notes, and keep them on pitch, Dolly did the heavy lifting. This was nowhere more apparent than her rendition of "Little Sparrow" a capella. It was absolutely stunning and spot on, and maybe even better than the version she recorded a few years ago on one of her fairly recent bluegrass albums.

Her eight-piece band took the stage at the stroke of eight and Dolly was singing on her headset mic before some of the crowd was even in their seats. The audience for this stop on the "Backwoods Barbie" tour was not a sell-out, but Parton immediately made those who showed up feel at home.

She performed quite a few covers. The first was a version of John Denver's Thank God I'm A Country Boy. It was OK (better than the original). She also had a hunky roadie or guitar tech in overalls dance a sort of hillbilly shuffle. She named him her "Backwoods Ken." During the show, she also covered Great Balls of Fire (which seemed pointless). Her cover of the Fine Young Cannibals' "She Drives Me Crazy," complete with hoedown, was wonderful, both her arrangement, and the hoedown she interpolated.

All the glitz and cornpone humor didn't distract from the heart and country soul behind her classic tunes like "Coat of Many Colors," "Jolene," "Tennessee Mountain Home" and many others.

During the course of the show she played an a rhinestone-encrusted autoharp (or is it a dulcimer), an acoustic guitar, an electric guitar, the piano, a harmonica, a banjo, and maybe one or two other instruments. It was hard to tell if it was shtick or not. . .but she could play them all. I don't know how she was able to play the harmonica without turning her lipstick into a clown job. Whether it was showmanship or not, it helped break up the show and made each song unique.

She played about half the songs from her current album, "Backwoods Barbie" album, a couple of which I could have lived without.

After a 20-minute intermission, the second set peaked with a remarkable doo-wop arrangement of Parton's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind," featuring Dolly and the men of her ensemble singing a cappella. They followed that with Parton singing the heartbreaking "Little Sparrow," from her 2001 album, ranging from soft and breathy to a piercing belt and back again in the space of a few seconds. After that, it was time to wrap things up, and Parton served up her broadest pop-oriented megahits (though not necessarily her best tunes), as fans of every age, background and sexual orientation (she draw a large gay and lesbian audience, at least in Seattle), danced, sang along and generally had a blast. Of course, she sang the biggest cash cow from her songbook, "I Will Always Love You."

At just past ten, Parton walked offstage, and returned for a one-song encore.

Parton's chops as a songwriter and singer almost have no peer, but equally remarkable is that larger-than-life personality, in which tackiness and sincerity somehow co-exist in a rhinestone world.

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Saturday, September 13, 2008

Still. . .the latest Obama campagn ad

An amusing ad about John McCain's not understanding computers, email, or the economy.


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A public service announcement from All This Is That


click to enlarge
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A list of movies that always make me laugh

Not a comprehensive list, but a list of some sort. In no particular order, here are some of the funnest movies I know. I left off really new (the Hilarious Tropic Thunder) and unintentionally funny movies (Reefer Madness, Titanic, etc):

  • Dr. Strangelove (a tragicomedy, really, ending as it does in a mushroom cloud. "Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is a War Room!")
  • Office Space (So, exactly what is it you do here?)
  • Spinal Tap
  • Animal House (the greatest celebration of failure ever. "Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?")
  • Team America: World Police
  • National Lampoon's Vacation
  • Meet The Parents
  • Idiocracy (sometimes it almost seems like a documentary of the future)
  • Super Troopers
  • Grandma's Boy
  • Modern Times
  • Duck Soup
  • My Cousin Vinny
  • Dazed and Confused
  • Fast Times at Ridgemont High ("All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.")
  • Airplane! ("Joey, you ever see a grown man naked?")
  • Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
  • M*A*S*H*
  • Ferris Bueller's Day Off
  • Spaceballs
  • Young Frankenstein ("You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon, perhaps I can help you with that hump. ")
  • Clerks ("I'm not supposed to be here today!")

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Photomontage: One of these things is not like the other: Kerry, Stevenson, Humphrey, Dukakis, Mondale, Carter, McGovern, Gore, Obama


click to enlarge

Left to right, top to bottom: John Kerry, Adlai Stevenson, Hubert Humphrey, Michael Dukakis, Walter Mondale, Jimmy Carter, George McGovern, Al Gore, Barack Obama.

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