[Drawings on an old highway sign, found in my mother's barn]
click to enlarge
---o0o---
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Some things we learned at the movies
By Jack Brummet, Film Editor
This is a concatenation of different "internet" files back from usenet days, with a few of our own lines and random anonymous quotes we've snagged along the way. [ed's note: it is now more than 20 years ago that I first got on the Internet]. Authorship of the original quotes is impossible to track down. We found several people claiming authorship of parts of it, but then there were other people...so who really knows? Obviously a lot of the quotes refer to movies we don't really see anymore...films of a bygone era. But it's pretty sweet anyhow.
During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
Dogs can survive natural and man-made disasters that wipe out entire human populations.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing Chinese New Year parade -- at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread (and celery!)
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, more ammo will always appear...even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
The Chief of Police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches at night -- when entering a kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, especially in New York and L.A.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one-by-one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
Nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock -- if they do, they will die within five minutes.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
This is a concatenation of different "internet" files back from usenet days, with a few of our own lines and random anonymous quotes we've snagged along the way. [ed's note: it is now more than 20 years ago that I first got on the Internet]. Authorship of the original quotes is impossible to track down. We found several people claiming authorship of parts of it, but then there were other people...so who really knows? Obviously a lot of the quotes refer to movies we don't really see anymore...films of a bygone era. But it's pretty sweet anyhow.
During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once. Dogs can survive natural and man-made disasters that wipe out entire human populations.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing Chinese New Year parade -- at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread (and celery!)
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, more ammo will always appear...even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
The Chief of Police is always black.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches at night -- when entering a kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, especially in New York and L.A.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one-by-one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
Nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock -- if they do, they will die within five minutes.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
---o0o---
Monday, August 27, 2012
Poem: [you won’t begin]
By Jack Brummet
1
You won’t begin what needs to begin
Because you’re searching for a sign.
Because you’re searching for a sign.
2
With every hesitation, trouble widens.
The dragon is unleashed.
---o0o---
With every hesitation, trouble widens.
The dragon is unleashed.
Music History: The Small Faces
By Jack Brummet, Music History Editor
Small Faces were leaders of the Mod (and later psychedelic) movement '65-'69, and were heroes of the Britpop movement in the '90s. There are a lot of interesting tendrils in and out of the band. After they busted up, three of them joined Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart (both from the Jeff Beck band) to form Faces. Lead singer Steve Marriott--an amazing vocalist--formed formed Humble Pie with Peter Frampton (who, after Humble Pie, went solo and released one of the best selling rock albums of all time). After Faces, Ronnie Wood joined the Rolling Stones, and Rod Stewart left serious rock behind to become, well, whatever you call what he does now.
Small Faces were leaders of the Mod (and later psychedelic) movement '65-'69, and were heroes of the Britpop movement in the '90s. There are a lot of interesting tendrils in and out of the band. After they busted up, three of them joined Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart (both from the Jeff Beck band) to form Faces. Lead singer Steve Marriott--an amazing vocalist--formed formed Humble Pie with Peter Frampton (who, after Humble Pie, went solo and released one of the best selling rock albums of all time). After Faces, Ronnie Wood joined the Rolling Stones, and Rod Stewart left serious rock behind to become, well, whatever you call what he does now.
---o0o---
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Three Paintings: The Wall
By Jack Brummet
[Self portrait from iPhone camera digitally altered in PaintShop Pro]
[Self portrait from iPhone camera digitally altered in PaintShop Pro]
---o0o---
Saturday, August 25, 2012
R.I.P. Neil Armstrong, one of the people who helped us dream
By Jack Brummet, Aerospace Editor
R.I.P. Neil Alden Armstrong (August 5, 1930 – August 25, 2012) . Neil Armstrong was an American astronaut, test pilot, university professor and navy aviator. He was the first human to set foot on the Moon (we're pretty sure!).
R.I.P. Neil Alden Armstrong (August 5, 1930 – August 25, 2012) . Neil Armstrong was an American astronaut, test pilot, university professor and navy aviator. He was the first human to set foot on the Moon (we're pretty sure!).
---o0o---
Rules of combat
The Rules of Combat
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
6. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions.
7. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
8. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
9. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.
10. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
11. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
12. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
13. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
14. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
15. A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan,
stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
16. Don't ever be the first; don't ever be the last; and don't ever volunteer to do
anything.
17. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
18. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
19. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
---o0o---
Mitt Romney goes full retard, joins the birther movement
By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor
The Obama campaign didn't waste any time getting out this 15 second spot. I love hardball and I love mudslinging. But with this, Mitt Romney finally breached the line of decency. He's now playing to the wacko fringe, and shedding groups of supporters and undecideds in the middle every inch of the way.
People laughed at me saying this today, but I really thought better of Romney. But even 'though I had sworn off campaign donations this time around in my disgust at post Citizens-United campaign funding, tonight I am transmitting e-cash to the Obama campaign.
Mitt Romney is one sick biscuit. Enough of this neck and neck in the polls BS. It's time to take out the Romney-Ryan brain trust. This is war. And it doesn't need to be fought on November 6th. When you have the sickness, you don't wait--you bomb it with antibiotics or excise the infection. Mitt Romney is now a diseased part that needs to be chopped away. "Fell deeds, await. Now for wrath. Now for ruin, and the red dawn!"
The Obama campaign didn't waste any time getting out this 15 second spot. I love hardball and I love mudslinging. But with this, Mitt Romney finally breached the line of decency. He's now playing to the wacko fringe, and shedding groups of supporters and undecideds in the middle every inch of the way.
People laughed at me saying this today, but I really thought better of Romney. But even 'though I had sworn off campaign donations this time around in my disgust at post Citizens-United campaign funding, tonight I am transmitting e-cash to the Obama campaign.
Mitt Romney is one sick biscuit. Enough of this neck and neck in the polls BS. It's time to take out the Romney-Ryan brain trust. This is war. And it doesn't need to be fought on November 6th. When you have the sickness, you don't wait--you bomb it with antibiotics or excise the infection. Mitt Romney is now a diseased part that needs to be chopped away. "Fell deeds, await. Now for wrath. Now for ruin, and the red dawn!"
---o0o---
Poem: War Itself
By Jack Brummet
4
What happened
To the Armies Of The Night
Tilting against power
To end a war?
---o0o---
1
War itself often
Becomes more important
Than the reasons
For which the war is fought.
Becomes more important
Than the reasons
For which the war is fought.
2
At war’s end,
The win goes to those who lost least.
3
The dead come back
To haunt the men of war.
Spooks attach themselves
To the victors like a conjoined twin.
At war’s end,
The win goes to those who lost least.
3
The dead come back
To haunt the men of war.
Spooks attach themselves
To the victors like a conjoined twin.
What happened
To the Armies Of The Night
Tilting against power
To end a war?
---o0o---
Friday, August 24, 2012
More favorite photos of the Presidents (and one First Lady)
By Jack Brummet, Presidents Editor
President Gerald Ford greets Billy Preston, George Harrison, and Ravi Shankar at the White House
Not sure what point WJC was making here
A collage of President cut-outs
President Teddy Roosevelt laughs
President Dubyah
Two Presidents: Bill Clinton meets JFK on a Boy Scout trip to Washington D.C.
One of my favorites - Gerald Ford near the end of his life with Bill Clinton
JFK attempts to calm VP LBJ down
Dick Nixon gets The Johnson Treatment
LBJ's good friend Abe Fortas also gets The Johnson Treatment
A truly bizarre photo of Dick Nixon taken in the 1960 Presidential Campaign
Nancy Reagan, with creepy bunnies
Dick Nixon at one of the most exclusive bowling alleys in the world - at the White House
Supermodels invade the Reagan White House
Dance and song line at the Reagan White House with Shirley Jones and the late Marvin Hammlisch
---o0o---
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Psychopathy self-test
By Jack Brummet, Behavioral Sciences Editor
Are you a psychopath? Take this self-test and find out. But, remember. . .no cheating. Not that a psychopath would have any compunction about cheating.
Robert Hare's Psychopathy Checklist-Revised is the psycho-diagnostic tool most commonly used to assess Psychopathy.
Disclaimer: Your scores may have important consequences for your future, and this test should only be considered valid if administered by a qualified and experienced clinician under controlled conditions. As a life-long student and observer of abnormal psychology, I am emminently qualified to administer the test (further disclaimer: I would also consider myself qualified to perform surgery, having carved a few birds and beasts over the years). And what could be a more controlled environment than All This Is That? So grab your pencils and let's get started.
Psychopathy Checklist-Revised
This clinical rating scale contains 20 items. Each item is scored on a three-point (0, 1, 2) scale according to a semi-structured interview. A value of 0 is assigned if the item does not apply, 1 if it applies somewhat, and 2 if it fully applies. The items are as follows:
0 1 2 Glibness/superficial charm
0 1 2 Grandiose sense of self-worth
0 1 2 Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
0 1 2 Pathological lying
0 1 2 Conning/manipulative
0 1 2 Lack of remorse or guilt
0 1 2 Shallow affect
0 1 2 Callous/lack of empathy
0 1 2 Parasitic lifestyle
0 1 2 Poor behavioral controls
0 1 2 Promiscuous sexual behavior
0 1 2 Early behavioral problems
0 1 2 Lack of realistic, long-term goals
0 1 2 Impulsivity
0 1 2 Irresponsibility
0 1 2 Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
0 1 2 Many short-term marital relationships
0 1 2 Juvenile delinquency
0 1 2 Revocation of conditional release
0 1 2 Criminal versatility
The cutoff for psychopathy is 30 points or greater, although some studies recommend 25. If you scored even over 10, I'm not saying you're ready for the laughing academy, but I'm not sure I want to have you babysit my children either.
Are you a psychopath? Take this self-test and find out. But, remember. . .no cheating. Not that a psychopath would have any compunction about cheating.
Robert Hare's Psychopathy Checklist-Revised is the psycho-diagnostic tool most commonly used to assess Psychopathy.
Disclaimer: Your scores may have important consequences for your future, and this test should only be considered valid if administered by a qualified and experienced clinician under controlled conditions. As a life-long student and observer of abnormal psychology, I am emminently qualified to administer the test (further disclaimer: I would also consider myself qualified to perform surgery, having carved a few birds and beasts over the years). And what could be a more controlled environment than All This Is That? So grab your pencils and let's get started.
Psychopathy Checklist-Revised
This clinical rating scale contains 20 items. Each item is scored on a three-point (0, 1, 2) scale according to a semi-structured interview. A value of 0 is assigned if the item does not apply, 1 if it applies somewhat, and 2 if it fully applies. The items are as follows:
0 1 2 Glibness/superficial charm
0 1 2 Grandiose sense of self-worth
0 1 2 Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
0 1 2 Pathological lying
0 1 2 Conning/manipulative
0 1 2 Lack of remorse or guilt
0 1 2 Shallow affect
0 1 2 Callous/lack of empathy
0 1 2 Parasitic lifestyle
0 1 2 Poor behavioral controls
0 1 2 Promiscuous sexual behavior
0 1 2 Early behavioral problems
0 1 2 Lack of realistic, long-term goals
0 1 2 Impulsivity
0 1 2 Irresponsibility
0 1 2 Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
0 1 2 Many short-term marital relationships
0 1 2 Juvenile delinquency
0 1 2 Revocation of conditional release
0 1 2 Criminal versatility
The cutoff for psychopathy is 30 points or greater, although some studies recommend 25. If you scored even over 10, I'm not saying you're ready for the laughing academy, but I'm not sure I want to have you babysit my children either.
---o0o---
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