Todd Akin: "Breast Milk cures homosexuality" - the story is bogus

By Jack Brummet, G.O.P.-Tea Party Editor


Ed's note:  This story which has spread like wildfire in the last couple of hours is completely bogus, and was based on a parody.  People began reprinting the story when they saw multiple links on the web.  Not even Congressman Akin is that dumb. I think?

Missouri U.S. senate candidate Todd Akin has stirred up—if this is possible—even more outrage today by claiming that male homosexuality is a disease and that the medical establishment has a cure available. 

The beleaguered and vilified Republican congressman, already under fire for his controversial comments about rape, told a reporter for Cape Giradeau's KBSI 23 News that "female breast milk - when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks - has a 94% chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions."

"This may surprise you Jeff, but I don't think homosexuality is a choice. We evangelicals, we know that it's a disease. But the good news is - we have the cure."

From Political Hotwire:

"Akin then explained, "The National Institutes of Health has treated hundreds of young men through clinical trials at their headquarters in Maryland. They don't want the public to know because the secular liberal elites have succeeded in brainwashing the public into believing that homosexuality is a positive thing."

"We now know how to purge men of sin and putt them on a path towards god. Why can't every gay man in America have that knowledge? Just 4 weeks of live breastfeeding can cure them of their terrible suffering. Why aren't we talking about this?"

"Somewhat dumbfounded by the brazenness of Akin's pronouncement, the reporter then asked if this supposed treatment only worked on men."

"Lesbians can be cured by drinking something else," Akin replied "I'll leave that one to your imagination."

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Christopher Smart's "Jubilate Agno," Fragment A

Christopher Smart's "Jubilate Agno," Fragment A


Kit Smart's Jubilate Agno is one of my very favorite poems of all time.  He wrote it in an insane asylum.  A "Commission of Lunacy" was taken out against Christopher Smart, and he was admitted in St. Luke's Hospital on May 6, 1757 as a "Curable Patient" by his wife Anna's stepfather John Newbery.  There is evidence that an incident took place in St. James’s Park in which he "routed all the company" (Jubilate Agno B89), an incident which may have caused his lockup. 

During this time, Christopher was left alone, except for his cat Jeoffry and the occasional visitor. With nothing to do, he devoted himself to God and to writing this fantastic poem. He was released from the asylum on January 30, 1763, but his poem was not to be published until 1939.

I saw an amazing group reading of the poem in NYC in the 1980's, with readings by select famous poets.

For the next few days, we will publish the entire poem--Fragments A, B1, B2, B3, B4, C, and D.  - Jack Brummet, Poetry Editor

Rejoice in God, O ye Tongues; give the glory to the Lord, and the Lamb.

Nations, and languages, and every Creature, in which is the breath of Life.

Let man and beast appear before him, and magnify his name together.

Let Noah and his company approach the throne of Grace, and do homage to the Ark of their Salvation.

Let Abraham present a Ram, and worship the God of his Redemption.

Let Isaac, the Bridegroom, kneel with his Camels, and bless the hope of his pilgrimage.

Let Jacob, and his speckled Drove adore the good Shepherd of Israel.

Let Esau offer a scape Goat for his seed, and rejoice in the blessing of God his father.

Let Nimrod, the mighty hunter, bind a Leopard to the altar, and consecrate his spear to the Lord.

Let Ishmael dedicate a Tyger, and give praise for the liberty, in which the Lord has let him at large.

Let Balaam appear with an Ass, and bless the Lord his people and his creatures for a reward eternal.

Let Anah, the son of Zibion, lead a Mule to the temple, and bless God, who amerces the consolation of the creature for the service of Man.

Let Daniel come forth with a Lion, and praise God with all his might through faith in Christ Jesus.

Let Naphthali with an Hind give glory in the goodly words of Thanksgiving.

Let Aaron, the high priest, sanctify a Bull, and let him go free to the Lord and Giver of Life.

Let the Levites of the Lord take the Beavers of the brook alive into the Ark of the Testimony.

Let Eleazar with the Ermine serve the Lord decently and in purity.

Let Ithamar minister with a Chamois, and bless the name of Him, which cloatheth the naked.

Let Gershom with an Pygarg Hart bless the name of Him, who feedeth the hungry.

Let Merari praise the wisdom and power of God with the Coney, who scoopeth the rock, and archeth in the sand.

Let Kohath serve with the Sable, and bless God in the ornaments of the Temple.

Let Jehoida bless God with an Hare, whose mazes are determined for the health of the body and to parry the adversary.

Let Ahitub humble himself with an Ape before Almighty God, who is the maker of variety and pleasantry.

Let Abiathar with a Fox praise the name of the Lord, who ballances craft against strength and skill against number.

Let Moses, the Man of God, bless with a Lizard, in the sweet majesty of good-nature, and the magnanimity of meekness.

Let Joshua praise God with an Unicorn -- the swiftness of the Lord, and the strength of the Lord, and the spear of the Lord mighty in battle.

Let Caleb with an Ounce praise the Lord of the Land of beauty and rejoice in the blessing of his good Report.

Let Othniel praise God with the Rhinoceros, who put on his armour for the reward of beauty in the Lord.

Let Tola bless with the Toad, which is the good creature of God, tho' his virtue is in the secret, and his mention is not made.

Let Barak praise with the Pard -- and great is the might of the faithful and great is the Lord in the nail of Jael and in the sword of the Son of Abinoam.

Let Gideon bless with the Panther -- the Word of the Lord is invincible by him that lappeth from the brook.

Let Jotham praise with the Urchin, who took up his parable and provided himself for the adversary to kick against the pricks.

Let Boaz, the Builder of Judah, bless with the Rat, which dwelleth in hardship and peril, that they may look to themselves and keep their houses in order.

Let Obed-Edom with a Dormouse praise the Name of the Lord God his Guest for increase of his store and for peace.

Let Abishai bless with the Hyaena -- the terror of the Lord, and the fierceness, of his wrath against the foes of the King and of Israel.

Let Ethan praise with the Flea, his coat of mail, his piercer, and his vigour, which wisdom and providence have contrived to attract observation and to escape it.

Let Heman bless with the Spider, his warp and his woof, his subtlety and industry, which are good.

Let Chalcol praise with the Beetle, whose life is precious in the sight of God, tho his appearance is against him.

Let Darda with a Leech bless the Name of the Physician of body and soul.

Let Mahol praise the Maker of Earth and Sea with the Otter, whom God has given to dive and to burrow for his preservation.

Let David bless with the Bear -- The beginning of victory to the Lord -- to the Lord the perfection of excellence -- Hallelujah from the heart of God, and from the hand of the artist inimitable, and from the echo of the heavenly harp in sweetness magnifical and mighty.

Let Solomon praise with the Ant, and give the glory to the Fountain of all Wisdom.

Let Romamti-ezer bless with the Ferret -- The Lord is a rewarder of them, that diligently seek him.

Let Samuel, the Minister from a child, without ceasing praise with the Porcupine, which is the creature of defence and stands upon his arms continually.

Let Nathan with the Badger bless God for his retired fame, and privacy inaccessible to slander.

Let Joseph, who from the abundance of his blessing may spare to him, that lacketh, praise with the Crocodile, which is pleasant and pure, when he is interpreted, tho' his look is of terror and offence.

Let Esdras bless Christ Jesus with the Rose and his people, which is a nation of living sweetness.

Let Mephibosheth with the Cricket praise the God of chearfulness, hospitality, and gratitude.

Let Shallum with the Frog bless God for the meadows of Canaan, the fleece, the milk and the honey.

Let Hilkiah praise with the Weasel, which sneaks for his prey in craft, and dwelleth at ambush.

Let Job bless with the Worm -- the life of the Lord is in Humiliation, the Spirit also and the truth.

Let Elihu bless with the Tortoise, which is food for praise and thanksgiving.

Let Hezekiah praise with the Dromedary -- the zeal for the glory of God is excellence, and to bear his burden is grace.

Let Zadoc worship with the Mole -- before honour is humility, and he that looketh low shall learn.

Let Gad with the Adder bless in the simplicity of the preacher and the wisdom of the creature.

Let Tobias bless Charity with his Dog, who is faithful, vigilant, and a friend in poverty.

Let Anna bless God with the Cat, who is worthy to be presented before the throne of grace, when he has trampled upon the idol in his prank.

Let Benaiah praise with the Asp -- to conquer malice is nobler, than to slay the lion.

Let Barzillai bless with the Snail -- a friend in need is as the balm of Gilead, or as the slime to the wounded bark.

Let Joab with the Horse worship the Lord God of Hosts.

Let Shemaiah bless God with the Caterpiller -- the minister of vengeance is the harbinger of mercy.

Let Ahimelech with the Locust bless God from the tyranny of numbers.

Let Cornelius with the Swine bless God, which purifyeth all things for the poor.

Let Araunah bless with the Squirrel, which is a gift of homage from the poor man to the wealthy and increaseth good will.

Let Bakbakkar bless with the Salamander, which feedeth upon ashes as bread, and whose joy is at the mouth of the furnace.

Let Jabez bless with Tarantula, who maketh his bed in the moss, which he feedeth, that the pilgrim may take heed to his way.

Let Jakim with the Satyr bless God in the dance. --

Let Iddo praise the Lord with the Moth -- the writings of man perish as the garment, but the Book of God endureth for ever.

Let Nebuchadnezzar bless with the Grashopper -- the pomp and vanities of the world are as the herb of the field, but the glory of the Lord increaseth for ever.

Let Naboth bless with the Canker-worm -- envy is cruel and killeth and preyeth upon that which God has given to aspire and bear fruit.

Let Lud bless with the Elk, the strenuous asserter of his liberty, and the maintainer of his ground.

Let Obadiah with the Palmer-worm bless God for the remnant that is left.

Let Agur bless with the Cockatrice -- The consolation of the world is deceitful, and temporal honour the crown of him that creepeth.

Let Ithiel bless with the Baboon, whose motions are regular in the wilderness, and who defendeth himself with a staff against the assailant.

Let Ucal bless with the Cameleon, which feedeth on the Flowers and washeth himself in the dew.

Let Lemuel bless with the Wolf, which is a dog without a master, but the Lord hears his cries and feeds him in the desert.

Let Hananiah bless with the Civet, which is pure from benevolence.

Let Azarias bless with the Reindeer, who runneth upon the waters, and wadeth thro the land in snow.

Let Mishael bless with the Stoat -- the praise of the Lord gives propriety to all things.

Let Savaran bless with the Elephant, who gave his life for his country that he might put on immortality.

Let Nehemiah, the imitator of God, bless with the Monkey, who is work'd down from Man.

Let Manasses bless with the Wild-Ass -- liberty begetteth insolence, but necessity is the mother of prayer.

Let Jebus bless with the Camelopard, which is good to carry and to parry and to kneel.

Let Huz bless with the Polypus -- lively subtlety is acceptable to the Lord.

Let Buz bless with the Jackall -- but the Lord is the Lion's provider.

Let Meshullam bless with the Dragon, who maketh his den in desolation and rejoiceth amongst the ruins.

Let Enoch bless with the Rackoon, who walked with God as by the instinct.

Let Hashbadana bless with the Catamountain, who stood by the Pulpit of God against the dissensions of the Heathen.

Let Ebed-Melech bless with the Mantiger, the blood of the Lord is sufficient to do away the offence of Cain, and reinstate the creature which is amerced.

Let A Little Child with a Serpent bless Him, who ordaineth strength in babes to the confusion of the Adversary.

Let Huldah bless with the Silkworm -- the ornaments of the Proud are from the bowells of their Betters.

Let Susanna bless with the Butterfly -- beauty hath wings, but chastity is the Cherub.

Let Sampson bless with the Bee, to whom the Lord hath given strength to annoy the assailant and wisdom to his strength.

Let Amasiah bless with the Chaffer -- the top of the tree is for the brow of the champion, who has given the glory to God.

Let Hashum bless with the Fly, whose health is the honey of the air, but he feeds upon the thing strangled, and perisheth.

Let Malchiah bless with the Gnat -- it is good for man and beast to mend their pace.

Let Pedaiah bless with the Humble-Bee, who loves himself in solitude and makes his honey alone.

Let Maaseiah bless with the Drone, who with the appearance of a Bee is neither a soldier nor an artist, neither a swordsman nor smith.

Let Urijah bless with the Scorpion, which is a scourge against the murmurers -- the Lord keep it from our coasts.

Let Anaiah bless with the Dragon-fly, who sails over the pond by the wood-side and feedeth on the cressies.

Let Zorobabel bless with the Wasp, who is the Lord's architect, and buildeth his edifice in armour.

Let Jehu bless with the Hornet, who is the soldier of the Lord to extirpate abomination and to prepare the way of peace.

Let Mattithiah bless with the Bat, who inhabiteth the desolations of pride and flieth amongst the tombs.

Let Elias which is the innocency of the Lord rejoice with the Dove.

Let Asaph rejoice with the Nightingale -- The musician of the Lord! and the watchman of the Lord!

Let Shema rejoice with the Glowworm, who is the lamp of the traveller and mead of the musician.

Let Jeduthun rejoice with the Woodlark, who is sweet and various.

Let Chenaniah rejoice with Chloris, in the vivacity of his powers and the beauty of his person.

Let Gideoni rejoice with the Goldfinch, who is shrill and loud, and full withal.

Let Giddalti rejoice with the Mocking-bird, who takes off the notes of the Aviary and reserves his own.

Let Jogli rejoice with the Linnet, who is distinct and of mild delight.

Let Benjamin bless and rejoice with the Redbird, who is soft and soothing.

Let Dan rejoice with the Blackbird, who praises God with all his heart, and biddeth to be of good cheer.

---o0o---

Faces No. 310

By Jack Brummet

[Drawings on an old highway sign, found in my mother's barn]

click to enlarge

---o0o---

Some things we learned at the movies

By Jack Brummet, Film Editor

This is a concatenation of different "internet" files back from usenet days, with a few of our own lines and random anonymous quotes we've snagged along the way. [ed's note: it is now more than 20 years ago that I first got on the Internet].  Authorship of the original quotes is impossible to track down.  We found several people claiming authorship of parts of it, but then there were other people...so who really knows?  Obviously a lot of the quotes refer to movies we don't really see anymore...films of a bygone era.   But it's pretty sweet anyhow.

During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

Dogs can survive natural and man-made disasters that wipe out entire human populations.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing Chinese New Year parade -- at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread (and celery!)

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, more ammo will always appear...even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill -- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches at night -- when entering a kitchen at night, you should open the refrigerator door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a stadium.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, especially in New York and L.A.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one-by-one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

Nobody involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock -- if they do, they will die within five minutes.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

---o0o---

Poem: [you won’t begin]

By Jack Brummet

1

You won’t begin what needs to begin
Because you’re searching for a sign.

2
With every hesitation, trouble widens.
The dragon is unleashed.

              ---o0o---

Music History: The Small Faces

By Jack Brummet, Music History Editor 

Small Faces were leaders of the Mod (and later psychedelic) movement '65-'69, and were heroes of the Britpop movement in the '90s.  There are a lot of interesting tendrils in and out of the band.  After they busted up, three of them joined Ronnie Wood and Rod Stewart (both from the Jeff Beck band) to form Faces.   Lead singer Steve Marriott--an amazing vocalist--formed formed Humble Pie with Peter Frampton (who, after Humble Pie, went solo and released one of the best selling rock albums of all time).  After Faces, Ronnie Wood joined the Rolling Stones, and Rod Stewart left serious rock behind to become, well, whatever you call what he does now.

 

---o0o---

Three Paintings: The Wall

By Jack Brummet

[Self portrait from iPhone camera digitally altered in PaintShop Pro]

---o0o---

Painting: The Handlers

By Jack Brummet

[100% digital]

---o0o---

R.I.P. Neil Armstrong, one of the people who helped us dream

By Jack Brummet, Aerospace Editor

R.I.P. Neil Alden Armstrong (August 5, 1930 – August 25, 2012) .  Neil Armstrong was an American astronaut, test pilot, university professor and navy aviator. He was the first human to set foot on the Moon (we're pretty sure!).

---o0o---

Rules of combat

The Rules of Combat

1.  If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2.  Incoming fire has the right of way.
3.  Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire.
4.  The easy way is always mined.
5.  Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.
6.  The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions.
7.  Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
8.  If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
9.  The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly
fire.
10. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
11. When in doubt, empty the magazine.
12. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
13. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
14. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
15. A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan,
stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
16. Don't ever be the first; don't ever be the last; and don't ever volunteer to do
anything.
17. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
18. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
19. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

---o0o---

Mitt Romney goes full retard, joins the birther movement

By Pablo Fanque, National Affairs Editor



The Obama campaign didn't waste any time getting out this 15 second spot. I love hardball and I love mudslinging. But with this, Mitt Romney finally breached the line of decency. He's now playing to the wacko fringe, and shedding groups of supporters and undecideds in the middle every inch of the way. 

People laughed at me saying this today, but I really thought better of Romney. But even 'though I had sworn off campaign donations this time around in my disgust at post Citizens-United campaign funding, tonight I am transmitting e-cash to the Obama campaign.

Mitt Romney is one sick biscuit. Enough of this neck and neck in the polls BS. It's time to take out the Romney-Ryan brain trust. This is war. And it doesn't need to be fought on November 6th. When you have the sickness, you don't wait--you bomb it with antibiotics or excise the infection. Mitt Romney is now a diseased part that needs to be chopped away. "Fell deeds, await. Now for wrath. Now for ruin, and the red dawn!" 

---o0o---

Poem: War Itself

By Jack Brummet

This artistic work created by the United Kingdom Government is in the public domain.

1 

War itself often
Becomes more important

Than the reasons
For which the war is fought.

2
At war’s end,
The win goes to those who lost least.

3

The dead come back
To haunt the men of war.

Spooks attach themselves
To the victors like a conjoined twin.

4
What happened
To the Armies Of The Night

Tilting against power
To end a war?
---o0o---