Sunday, October 15, 2006

Poem: The Orgy In The Pantry (starring Duncan Hines, Betty Crocker, Pilsbury Dough Boy, Aunt Jemima, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and more).











Soft pulses murmur in the distance:
Muffled voices murmur counterpoint music,
Sing-song transactions hum
Through wood and plaster, doors and walls.
The push and pull of iambic conversation,
And the percussive boom of laughter
Skein a polyrhythmic framework
On a symphony of voices.
A rustling sound upstairs
Wakes me. I get out of bed
And edge up the stairs.
The sounds pull into focus
And the parts emerge.
Heavy breathing, moaning,
A rhythmic thumping, groans and giggles.



I shuffle to the pantry
And ease the door open,
Walking between nylons, belts, a bra,
T-shirts, striped trousers, a housedress,
Skirts, vests, shoes and socks,
Camisoles. panties, and sweaters,
A toque, monocle, and top hat.


I step in and nearly trip on
Mr. Peanut, lying on his back
With a Grand Coulee grin on his mug
And Sara Lee in fishnet stockings on top,
Rubbing peanut butter
On her breasts and nether parts.
Snap, Crackle and Pop are naked
On the floor, daisy chained
In various conjugations
With the Campbell Soup Twins.

Aunt Jemima and Chef Boy-Ar-Dee
Are in the corner, half undressed,
Staring into each others eyes
And sharing a bottle of wine.
Duncan Hines is against the wall
Watching. . .getting solo kicks ,
Digging the scene at the voyeur remove
Where watching trumps participation.
Uncle Ben and Speedy Alka Seltzer
Sip mint juleps, watching the Doublemint Twins'
Messopotamian strip-tease.

Mr. Clean and Tony The Tiger are oiled up,
Greek style, grappling on the pine floorboards.
Enveloped in a churning cloud of flour,
Betty Crocker's housedress is hiked up around her hips,
Arms on the Pilsbury Doughboy's shoulders.
The Jolly Green Giant and Mrs. Butterworth
Waltz around the pantry
And Mrs. B's feet never touch the floor.
Captain Crunch, Colonel Sanders,
Bazooka Joe and The Frito Bandido
Sit in a circle, passing a bong
And laughing at the show.

I don't know if I'm dreaming or awake,
If I should go to sleep or wake up,
Quit dreaming I'm awake
Or quit imagining I'm asleep.
I don't know whether to
Spectate, participate, or abrogate.
---o0o---

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliance. This should be required reading in every college in America.

Jack Brummet said...

Why thank you. . .but I was really targeting the elementary school demographic...kind of a light-hearted introduction to sex education...with some characters the youth might know from the breakfast table!

Al Arntsen said...

I may be some kind of perv, but I got a chubby on the part about Betty Crocker.