Rev. Haggard hauls out the old reliable "just the tip" and "I didn't inhale" defense

Evangelist Ted Haggard confessed today that he bought meth and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent. Reverend Haggard was, until this morning, head of the 30 million member National Association of Evangelicals, as well as his own megachurch, with a congregation 14,000 strong.

The Reverend resigned as head of the National Association of Evangelicals [1] and stepped down from the pulpit of his Colorado church while they check out the stories and allegations. Jones recently made the story public when he told a radio station of his three-year sexual relationship with the minister.



Haggard resorted to The Jimmy Swaggart ("I just put the tip in. Just the tip"), [2] and the Bill Clinton ("I never inhaled") defense. He denies actually having sex with Mike Jones, male prostitute, echoing the former President's "I never had sexual relations with that woman."



As for the methamphetamines, Ted Haggard told reporters he bought the meth "because I was curious." He threw it away. "I bought it for myself but never used it." he said. "I was tempted, but I never used it."
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[1] Curiously, the NAE's web site is now blank, and "under construction."
[2] Frank Zappa commemorated Swaggart's arrest in Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version):

I huff
And I puff
(Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche)
And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck
(Say, varmint!)
I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet
UH-OH!
Made a mistake this time!
Now I've sinned.
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