Friday, November 13, 2009

The Ghost of Crawford: Ex-President Bush battles depression, confusion, enuresis, and empty nest syndrome

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs editor
Illustrations by Jack Brummet

click to enlarge this VidCap

He welcomed retirement as an opportunity to "replenish the coffers," but ex-President George W. Bush has largely spent the last 296 days waiting for the phone to ring and trying to fill the long hours between dawn and sunset.

Two staffers wrote in email exchanges with me that in his early days of retirement on the ranch, President Bush became so "agitated" over negative references in the press that staff took to hiding newspapers or magazines with articles that might upset him.

Naturally, The New York Times and Washington Post have virtually disappeared from the media packet he receives each morning. In fact, his staff, on numerous occasions, has hidden the White House Daily Intelligence Briefing because of references to his administration's mistakes, errors, and misdemeanors.

Ex-Veep Cheney no longer bothers with appearances. He quit telephoning The Ex-President not long after leaving office. Although Dick Cheney spent much of 2009 defending the Bush Administration's actions and policies, he no longer speaks with his former boss. When President Bush refused to give Cheney's hatchet-man Scooter Libby a full and unconditional pardon, the cord was severed. Any drum beating Cheney does on the talk show circuit and elsewhere is strictly self-aggrandizing. When The President showed a little backbone, the Vice President lost interest. With George Bush no longer his compliant Jerry Mahoney, the Vice-President was no longer pitching, but catching.

Not only are GWB's old friends not around, but Laura Bush is frequently absent as well. After she sloughed the shackles of the White House, she began to enjoy life again, traveling, going to the opera, and out to dinner with old friends (where she can drink). She often flies off for extended weekends at spas with a close group of friends. While she is away, the former President often sits and stares out the window.

There have also been moments of confusion that worry friends and staffers. One ranch-hand told me about the time George Bush climbed on a horse backward and asked him "why does this saddle have no horn?" Another staffer reported The President asking him to fuel up his cigarette boat so he could go fishing. The ranch is land-locked.

As perhaps the final indignity, President Bush's enuresis has returned. As you may recall, we earlier reported on The former President's problem with bed-wetting.

Other All This Is That postings on the former President:

George Bush sees ghosts
President Bush finally beats Nixon & becomes the most unpopular ...
Former Press Secretary McClellan says Bush, Cheney, Rove, Libby Lied
Laura Bush puts the mark on George Bush/President Bush rumored to ...
Retired General George Washington Lashes Out At President Bush
Jimmy Carter Reams Bush: Bush Responds Like A Wounded Swamp Sow
President Bush drunk at Camp David
Alien Lore No. 65 - George Bush, Dick Cheney & The Greys
President Bush: "Stop doing this shit!"
President Bush lights up the "c***suckers" in the press
President Bush, remembering images of her tush, makes a move on ...
President Bush, reacting to yesterday's article on All This Is ...
President George Bush 'channels' Adolph Hitler during Iowa speech (includes audio clip)Presidents Bush and Chirac, and Queen Elizabeth II F*** For Peace!Priests to Purify Archeological Site After President Bush VisitFormer President George HW Bush excoriates his son's war
Bush and Abramoff captured together in explicit photographs
President Hugo Chávez: Hang President Bush First
Revelation: President Now Suffers Enuresis--More Trouble Every Day
George Bush sees ghosts
Priests to Purify Archeological Site After President Bush


blessingsgoddess said...

Bush looks a sad sight....but even sadder is how little he contributed to world peace and meeting the needs of our poorest citizens.

Anonymous said...

Don't you libtards have anything else to do than to make up shit about bush....GET A FUCKING LIFE

Louie said...

What's the matter, "Anonymous?" Are you afraid that IT'S ALL TRUE?!! hahaha!!

Personally, I doubt that the 'backwards saddle' and the 'cigarette boat' incidents really happened, but it wouldn't surprise me if I found out for sure that they did. It's just as well that karma take a big toll on one of the world's most hated figures.

But relax, this stuff is tame compared to the made up shit that the contards spewed about Clinton.

Jack Brummet said...

Hey, all I can tell you guys is that I cut out about half of Pablo's article...we only kept in the items we had verified with at least two sources. You should have seen what didn't make the cut!

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Jack Brummet
Political Editor

Contra John said...

It's fascinating that people still defend him, and even feel sorry for him, as his party runs away from him, galloping like a white pony over the hills and far away.

You don't hear quite the same hand wringing over Dick Cheney. . .even the Nazi Sympathizers steer a long path around giving him any comfort, or quarter.

Jen Arquette said...

He makes, as you said last week, Richard Nixon seem like a beloved figure.

Heather from San Diego said...

This rocks