The world's most dangerous lawyer retires

Houston defense lawyer Jerry Guerinot announced his retirement from death-penalty cases this month. He has a perfect record: all 21 of his clients received the death penalty and ten have been executed so far. He pointed out that "gang members, serial killers, and sociopaths" were entitled to representation, too, and that he has also taken more than 500 other criminal cases cases to trial. [Associated Press 8-13-2016]

More baffling to me than the string of losses are why people kept signing up. . .

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Teri Smith TYLER, Plaintiff, v. James CARTER, William Clinton, Ross Perot, American Cyanamid, et al -- one wacky lawsuit...dismissed

A federal court decision, in the District Court for the Southern District of New York, 1993. It's always interesting when these clearly deranged lawsuits wend their way through the courts. You think about the dozens and dozens of people who worked on the case at law firms, in the courts, and how much money it cost us to allow Teri Tyler to attempt to exorcise her demons.

Teri Smith TYLER, Plaintiff,
v.
James CARTER, William Clinton, Ross Perot, American Cyanamid, Iron Mountain Security Corporation, Defense Intelligence Agencty, IBM, David Rockerfeller [sic], Rockerfeller [sic] Fund, BCCI, NASA, Defendants.

Plaintiff Teri Smith Tyler, appearing pro se, filed a
complaint in December 1992 alleging a bizarre conspiracy involving
the defendants to enslave and oppress certain segments of our
society. Plaintiff contends she is a cyborg, and that she
received most of the information which forms the basis for her
complaint, through ``proteus,'' which I read to be come silent,
telepathic form of communication. ... She asserts that the
defendants are involved in the ``Iron Mountain Plan,'' which
provides for the reinstitutionalization of slavery and
``bloodsports'' (which she identifies as death-hunting and
witchhunting), and the oppression of political dissidents, herself
included. Plaintiff's complaint alleged a number of personal
indignities visited upon her by defendants: ``strafing of my
dormitory room by planes and helicopters, the electronic bugging
of my student rooms and apartments, deliberate noise harassment,
blasting of loud rock music with lyrics designed for witch-hunts
(music about social pariahs) ... students following me around to
prevent me from studying, whispering campaigns and social
ostrification ...'' ... Plaintiff also makes the following allegations
against the defendants. Former President Jimmy Carter
was the secret head of the Ku Klux Klan; Bill Clinton is the
biological son of Jimmy Carter; President Clinton and Ross Perot
have made fortunes in the death-hunting industry, and are
responsible for the murder of at least 10 million black women in
concentration camps, their bodies sold for meat and their skin
turned into leather products. The defendants are also responsible
for breeding farms, which turn out 2,000 black girls a year, who
are then sold for recreational murder or as human pets.
Additionally, the defendants utilize weather control and
earthquake technology to threaten other countries that object to
the Iron Mountain Plan.

Plaintiff asks the Court to grant her the following relief:

$5.6 billion in compensatory and punitive damages;

A physical accounting of all black women born since
1940, including their present, whereabouts, and for those who have
died, an investigation into how they died;

The purchase of land in Africa for the emigration of
abused black women;

The bringing to justice of those responsible for the
American holocaust;

An investigation into the foster care system, and a
physical accounting of all black children placed into foster care;

An end to slavery in the United States;

The end of the cyborg program run by NASA, the Defense
Intelligence Agency, American Cyanamid and IBM;

An end to the organ donor program

While plaintiff was trying to effect proper service of the
summons and complaint on the defendants, she made a number of
appeals to the Court for interim relief in the form of Orders to
Show Cause. On January 20, 1993, she asked the Court to enjoin
the inauguration of President Clinton. The Court denied her
request as moot. In August, 1993, she moved to enjoin the
installation of Louis Freeh as Director of the FBI on the ground
that Clinton appointed Freeh only so Freeh could cover up evidence
of Clinton's wrongdoing. That motion was denied, as it lacked a
sufficient evidentiary basis.

Presently before the Court is an Order to Show Cause why the
Court should not enjoin the trial in the World Trade Center
bombing case, now proceeding in this Court before Judge Duffy.
Plaintiff alleges that President Clinton ordered the bombing of
the World Trade Center in order to justify war with Iraq. In
support of her application, plaintiff describes certain ``proteus''
communications she had with other individuals. Plaintiff alleges
that the United States invaded Panama and arrested General Noriega
because Noriega objected to United States soldiers raiding Indian
tribes in Central America for child sex slaves to torture in
American cocaine based thrill-killing rackets. Plaintiff contends
she wrote to Noriega asking him to join in her lawsuit, but that
United States soldiers holding Noriega beat him when he asked for
his mail.

Plaintiff asserts that in 1988, Rajiv Gandshi spoke to her
through ``proteus'' and informed her that he was being held prisoner
and sexually abused by a man whom he had caught stealing from the
funds generated by the Bhopal disaster settlement. According to
plaintiff, Yasser Arafat tried to confirm Ghandi's tale of abuse
on behalf of the plaintiff, to no avail.

Plaintiff additionally contends that Gulf War against Iraq
was undertaken so that American could restock its sexual slavery
camps, which had been depleted. 40,000 Iraqi soldiers captured by
the United States, selected for their physical attractiveness,
have been brought to this country where they were ``being beaten,
forced to run gauntlets and homosexually gang-raped by American
soldiers.'' Plaintiff claims to have confronted Secretary of
Defense Cheney with evidence of this allegation. Cheney, through
``proteus,'' purportedly told the plaintiff, ``Well, we were so sick
and tiered [sic] of killing black girls. We just had to put some
variety back into our death-hunting industry. And they [Persians]
are incredibly beautiful. The beauty of the face heightens the
pleasure of the kill. I know of no higher pleasure than the
gang-rape of exceedingly beautiful people.''

_______________________


Additionally, the plaintiff alleges that the Serbian government, the ``Nazi Bund,'' the Bank of Commerce and Credit International (``BCCI'') are also involved in the conspiracy.

Attached to plaintiff's papers, and apparently offered to support her claim, are a number of exhibits. Most prominent among the exhibits is a book by Robert Ellis Smith entitled ``Privacy: How To Protect What's Left Of It'' (1979), and a four page illustrated pamphlet advertising pornographic movies starring young men. Plaintiff has circled a number of photos of naked men who appear to be of Mediterranean or Latin American descent, which I interpret as her evidence that Iraqi and Central American men are enslaved in pornographic ``rackets'' ...

The Court's Memorandum and Order goes on to explain why the Court is ordering the case dismissed ``sua sponte'' (meaning of the Court's own volition, without prompting by the defendants): because the plaintiff is barking mad and must not be allowed to waste public time and resources in this way.
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More courtroom antics: Disorder in the court

This is a follow-up to our earlier piece "Witnesses tangle with lawyers, from "Disorder in the American Courts" I recently bumped into a few more courtroom transcriptions. Here are the best of them...

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
__________________________________

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
__________________________________

Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
__________________________________

Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.
__________________________________

Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
__________________________________

Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
A. My ex-widow said it.
__________________________________

Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q. How many times have you committed suicide?
A. Four times.
__________________________________

Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. Before or after he died?
__________________________________

Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronounciate his words.
__________________________________

Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.
__________________________________

THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
__________________________________

Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.
__________________________________

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
__________________________________

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
__________________________________

Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?
__________________________________

Q: Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A: He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.
__________________________________

Q: So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
A: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q: It was covered?
A: Yes, bandaged.
Q: Then, later on.. what did you see?
A: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
__________________________________

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
__________________________________

Q: What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
A: Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch--and she did!
__________________________________

Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
__________________________________

Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.
__________________________________

Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
__________________________________

Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
__________________________________

Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A: I have only one, you know.
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Witnesses tangle with lawyers, from "Disorder in the American Courts"

These quotes are from a book, "Disorder in the American Courts" -- actual transcripts of things people said in court.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORN EY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished ..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy ?
WIT NESS : No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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Mr. Loophole trademarks his nickname

The British "celebrity lawyer" Mick Freeman has trademarked his 'Mr Loophole' nickname to prevent other lawyers from using it. He was branded Mr Loophole in the British press after helping a string of celebrities—including Sir Alex Ferguson, David Beckham, Jeremy Clarkson and Wayne Rooney—dodge drunk driving convictions. Mr Freeman, from Mere, Cheshire, warned other lawyers who might try to cash in on his nickname. "If anyone attempts to use the name, legal action can be taken.'

Gwent Police arrested him on suspicion of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice two years ago, but no charges were ever brought.

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