Homeland Security starts at the filling station

reprinted with permission of TBH Politoons - click to enlarge
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Are you doing Your Part for Home Security???

You may have not realized this, but as we sit here, you have certain responsibilities to the Homeland Security. We are now, and generally are, in a state of Elevated security threat. You should have by now completed the steps outlined in step Green, Blue, and Yellow. According to the government, you need to stay ever vigilant, and prepared.

Green - Develop a family emergency plan. Share it with family and friends, and practice the plan. Create an “Emergency Supply Kit” for your household. Be informed. Visit www.Ready.gov or obtain a copy of “Preparing Makes Sense, Get Ready Now” by calling 1-800-BE-READY.
Know how to shelter-in-place and how to turn off utilities (power, gas, and water) to your home.
Examine volunteer opportunities in your community, such as Citizen Corps, Volunteers in Police
Service, Neighborhood Watch or others, and donate your time. Consider completing an American Red Cross first aid or CPR course , or Community Emergency Response Team (CERT) course .

Blue - Complete recommended steps at level green. Review stored disaster supplies and replace items that are outdated. Be alert to suspicious activity and report it to proper authorities.

Yellow - Complete recommended steps at levels green and blue. Ensure disaster supply kit is stocked and ready. Check telephone numbers in family emergency plan and update as necessary. Develop alternate routes to/from work or school and practice them.
Elevated Risk Continue to be alert for suspicious activity and report it to authorities.

Orange - Complete recommended steps at lower levels. Exercise caution when traveling, pay attention to travel advisorie. Review your family emergency plan and make sure all family members know what to do. Be Patient. Expect some delays, baggage searches and restrictions at public buildings. Check on neighbors or others that might need assistance in an emergency.

Red - Complete all recommended actions at lower levels. Listen to local emergency management officials. Stay tuned to TV or radio for current information/instructions. Be prepared to shelter-in-place or evacuate, as instructed. Severe Risk Expect traffic delays and restrictions. Provide volunteer services only as requested. Contact your school/business to determine status of work day.

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Danger Dog! The New Homeland Security Threat Rating System

Someone at Wired (a magazine I haven't read for about 10 years) came up with a hot-dog based security threat rating system. The last time I flew to Texas, about two weeks ago, we were at Orange. But that was really the Chicago Dog level.

Notes on the Hot Dog System:

1. Fried, Bacon-Wrapped Tijuana Danger Dog. In the Mexican States of Nayarit and Jalisco (where I have visited several times), and, possibly in Baja, these are called Tocino Dogs. Our old pal and restaurateur, Jorge, often peddled these in Bucerias from a cart at fiestas. I have also seen Tocino Dogs sold on the streets of Los Angeles, around Staples Center when I have attended E3.

2. Chicago Dog With Everything. Have you ever had a Chicago Dog? A Hot Dog on a nice roll, with mustard, that neon green relish they use, a slice of pickle, celery salt, sport peppers (a pickled chili of medium hotness), mustard, and tomatoes.

3. Hebrew National Kosher Dog With Relish and Onions. Not quite a traditional NYC dog, which usually has chili onions, mustard, and sauerkraut.

4. Microwaved Oscar Meyer Wieners on White Bread Roll with Ketchup. A really bad American dog.

5. Steamed Tofu Pup on Sprouted Wheat Roll. Often called a Not Dog in the vegie/vegan world. Yuk!

Here is the current, laughable, National Security Threat Level System:



And, finally, the Sesame Street threat level system:


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