He buys a coffee,
Using his last seven words.
He slyly eyes
His last pair of stunning buttocks.
He has zero orgasms, songs and movies,
Two red lights, six blocks,
13 minutes and 993 heartbeats left.
Every millisecond adds up:
Every variable conspires
To remove him from the census.
He steps in front of the car
Three seconds early,
Or two seconds late.
---o0o---
jack brummet
Monday, December 13, 2004
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Frank Zappa's Rebuttal Of The Urban Legend He Ate S**t Onstage
"[1] I ate s**t on stage.
[2] I had a `grossout contest' (what the f**k is a `grossout contest'?) with Captain Beefheart and we both ate s**t on stage, etc.
[3] I had a `grossout contest' with Alice Cooper and he stepped on baby chickens and then I ate s**t on stage, etc.
I was in a London club called the Speak Easy in 1967 or '68. A member of a group called the Flock, recording for Columbia at the time, came over to me and said: "You're fantastic. When I heard about you eating that s**t on stage, I thought, `That guy is way, way out there.'" I said, "I never ate s**t on stage." He looked really depressed like I had just broken his heart.
For the records, folks: I never took a s** t on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating s**t anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973."
Frank Zappa
[2] I had a `grossout contest' (what the f**k is a `grossout contest'?) with Captain Beefheart and we both ate s**t on stage, etc.
[3] I had a `grossout contest' with Alice Cooper and he stepped on baby chickens and then I ate s**t on stage, etc.
I was in a London club called the Speak Easy in 1967 or '68. A member of a group called the Flock, recording for Columbia at the time, came over to me and said: "You're fantastic. When I heard about you eating that s**t on stage, I thought, `That guy is way, way out there.'" I said, "I never ate s**t on stage." He looked really depressed like I had just broken his heart.
For the records, folks: I never took a s** t on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating s**t anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973."
Frank Zappa
Saturday, December 11, 2004
The Monkey And The Engineer
The Grateful Dead covered this great song by Jesse Fuller, the folk and bluesman who died in 1976. Great lyrics. The Dead also covered his wonderful "Beat In On Down The Line." This is one smart monkey.
Once upon a time there was an engineer.
Drove a locomotive both far and near.
Accompanied by a monkey that would sit on a stool
Watching everything the engineer would do.
One day the engineer wanted a bite to eat,
He left the monkey sitting on the driver's seat,
The monkey pulled the throttle, the locomotive jumped the gun
And did 80 miles an hour down the mainline run.
[chorus] Big locomotive right on time, big locomotive coming down the line.
Big locomotive no. 99, left the engineer with a worried mind.
The engineer called up the dispatcher on the phone,
To tell him all about his locomotive was gone.
Dispatcher got on the wire, switch operator to the right,
Cause the monkey's got the main line sewed up tight.
The switch operator got the message on time,
Said there's a northbound livin' on the same main line,
Open up the switch I'm gonna let him through the hole,
Cause the monkey's got the locomotive under control.
[chorus]
Once upon a time there was an engineer.
Drove a locomotive both far and near.
Accompanied by a monkey that would sit on a stool
Watching everything the engineer would do.
One day the engineer wanted a bite to eat,
He left the monkey sitting on the driver's seat,
The monkey pulled the throttle, the locomotive jumped the gun
And did 80 miles an hour down the mainline run.
[chorus] Big locomotive right on time, big locomotive coming down the line.
Big locomotive no. 99, left the engineer with a worried mind.
The engineer called up the dispatcher on the phone,
To tell him all about his locomotive was gone.
Dispatcher got on the wire, switch operator to the right,
Cause the monkey's got the main line sewed up tight.
The switch operator got the message on time,
Said there's a northbound livin' on the same main line,
Open up the switch I'm gonna let him through the hole,
Cause the monkey's got the locomotive under control.
[chorus]
Friday, December 10, 2004
Would You Put An Anti-gun Bumper Sticker On Your Car?
Writing about repealing the second amendment seemed to bring out the passions in folk. I got a bunch of comments, and a bunch of direct emails about that piece. Virtually all were against gun control, and very against repealing the second amendment. Several people said--and some were clearly bright & not nut cases--that the more guns people carry, the safer we are.
Over the years, I have had a lot of strange bumper stickers. I've never had the nerve to put a Repeal The Second Amendment bumper sticker on, 'though. Is that just me being paranoid? I don't actually think someone would take a shot. Well, maybe a little. On the other hand, whether they had a gun or not, when we're on the road, we're behind the wheel of the deadliest weapon that exists. . .at least according to the fatalities. . .
The FBI's Crime in the United States Report estimated that 67% of the 16,503 murders in 2003 were committed with firearms, or, over 10,000 murders. /jack
---o0o---
Over the years, I have had a lot of strange bumper stickers. I've never had the nerve to put a Repeal The Second Amendment bumper sticker on, 'though. Is that just me being paranoid? I don't actually think someone would take a shot. Well, maybe a little. On the other hand, whether they had a gun or not, when we're on the road, we're behind the wheel of the deadliest weapon that exists. . .at least according to the fatalities. . .
The FBI's Crime in the United States Report estimated that 67% of the 16,503 murders in 2003 were committed with firearms, or, over 10,000 murders. /jack
---o0o---
Game Boy Advance Is Therapeutic??
Click the title for a link to the article on CNN... /jack
---o0o---
---o0o---
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Poem: The Killer
Some nights he tried to jettison
What was left of his soul
Back into the void.
It dogpaddled back.
He's been it
Too many turns.
---o0o---
jack brummet
What was left of his soul
Back into the void.
It dogpaddled back.
He's been it
Too many turns.
---o0o---
jack brummet
Five Dead And Counting - Repeal The Second Amendment
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20041209/D86SB6EG0.html
Five dead and counting - Last night's brutal shooting of "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott of the band Damageplan at a nightclub in Columbus was not the last straw; the last straw happened years ago. The killer murdered three other people, and seriously injured others. A cop arrived and was able to stop the killer before he shot again.
Like a bad dream, the National Rifle Association returns periodically to remind us that "guns don't kill; people do." After assassinations, after Columbine, after every senseless, insane killing, and as they inevitably will after last night's tragedy, the NRA will dissemble, rationalize, backpeddle and flat out lie. Unrepentant despite Columbine and the thousands of lesser known gun outrages in America, the NRA will actually try to tell us that shootings like this are why we need to have guns.
The second amendment probably outlived its usefulness sometime around the turn of the 20th century. Let's get rid of it.
John Lennon was assassinated exactly 24 years ago last night by another sick biscuit with a gun. How many more? /jack
---o0o---
Five dead and counting - Last night's brutal shooting of "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott of the band Damageplan at a nightclub in Columbus was not the last straw; the last straw happened years ago. The killer murdered three other people, and seriously injured others. A cop arrived and was able to stop the killer before he shot again.
Like a bad dream, the National Rifle Association returns periodically to remind us that "guns don't kill; people do." After assassinations, after Columbine, after every senseless, insane killing, and as they inevitably will after last night's tragedy, the NRA will dissemble, rationalize, backpeddle and flat out lie. Unrepentant despite Columbine and the thousands of lesser known gun outrages in America, the NRA will actually try to tell us that shootings like this are why we need to have guns.
The second amendment probably outlived its usefulness sometime around the turn of the 20th century. Let's get rid of it.
John Lennon was assassinated exactly 24 years ago last night by another sick biscuit with a gun. How many more? /jack
---o0o---
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Stopping By Richard Nixon's
One of my favorite activities in New York City was to visit Former President Richard M. Nixon's house. He lived in a sweet little townhouse on the Upper East Side (142 East 65th Street). We probably stopped by ten times while I lived there. I would drag friends there in a taxi, or car, if someone had one. The President never actually came out to greet us.
A few years after he resigned, he returned east from his California exile. This is the President who wanted to send me to Vietnam, so I had mixed feelings, indeed, about this man. He kept the Great Society funded, even as he lied and weaseled his way to disgrace. What could you think of the ex red-baiter who went to China and opened diplomatic relations? He was a two-edged sword, which made him endlessly fascinating. And I frequently went there to pay homage to both Good King Richard and Evil Dick.
These visits would almost always occur around closing time (did I even need to mention that?). I seem to recall often having a bottle or go cup in hand, as we stood outside the townhouse for ten or fifteen minutes. I always secretly hoped he might spy us and come out (like the time he visited the students at the Lincoln Memorial). I'd like to think he maybe heard us once or twice!
Interestingly, in all of those visits, the Secret Service never came near us. We saw them a few times, but no matter how loud and raucous we got, they never approached. I guess that makes sense. There were 20 million people living within an easy car drive of 142 East 65th Street. I was probably not the only knucklehead among the 20 million to stop by--or worse. Eventually, in the mid-eighties, Richard Nixon and I both moved from Manhattan. He moved to Saddle River, New Jersey and wrote a lot of books, as well as advising every President in some capacity. He died ten years ago, in New York. /jack
---o0o---
A few years after he resigned, he returned east from his California exile. This is the President who wanted to send me to Vietnam, so I had mixed feelings, indeed, about this man. He kept the Great Society funded, even as he lied and weaseled his way to disgrace. What could you think of the ex red-baiter who went to China and opened diplomatic relations? He was a two-edged sword, which made him endlessly fascinating. And I frequently went there to pay homage to both Good King Richard and Evil Dick.
These visits would almost always occur around closing time (did I even need to mention that?). I seem to recall often having a bottle or go cup in hand, as we stood outside the townhouse for ten or fifteen minutes. I always secretly hoped he might spy us and come out (like the time he visited the students at the Lincoln Memorial). I'd like to think he maybe heard us once or twice!
Interestingly, in all of those visits, the Secret Service never came near us. We saw them a few times, but no matter how loud and raucous we got, they never approached. I guess that makes sense. There were 20 million people living within an easy car drive of 142 East 65th Street. I was probably not the only knucklehead among the 20 million to stop by--or worse. Eventually, in the mid-eighties, Richard Nixon and I both moved from Manhattan. He moved to Saddle River, New Jersey and wrote a lot of books, as well as advising every President in some capacity. He died ten years ago, in New York. /jack
---o0o---
The Real Big Bird?
http://archives.seattletimes.nwsource.com/cgi-bin/texis.cgi/web/vortex/display?slug=bigbird06m&date=20041206&query=fossil
This is a fascinating article. I grew up a couple blocks from the shores of the Green River. I learned today that tiny, 18 pound horses, hippopotamuses (or hippopotami), and this Big Bird, Diatryma, lived there before me. "When John Patterson stumbled across what could be one of the biggest fossil finds in the Northwest, a fairy-tale ending seemed assured. The three-toed track he found near the Green River in 1992 was a near-perfect fit for Diatryma, a flightless bird that stood as tall as Shaquille O'Neal and weighed 350 pounds or more. " Cool, eh? /jack
---o0o---
Disgruntled Troops Complain to Rumsfeld - Pound Sand, He Tells Them
12-8-2004 Middle East - AP
By ROBERT BURNS, AP Military Writer
CAMP BUEHRING, Kuwait - Disgruntled U.S. soldiers complained to Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld on Wednesday about the lack of armor for their vehicles and long deployments, drawing a blunt retort from the Pentagon (news - web sites) chief.
Army Spc. Thomas Wilson, for example, of the 278th Regimental Combat Team that is comprised mainly of citizen soldiers of the Tennessee Army National Guard, asked Rumsfeld in a question-and-answer session why vehicle armor is still in short supply, nearly two years after the start of the war that ousted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to uparmor our vehicles?" Wilson asked. A big cheer arose from the approximately 2,300 soldiers in the cavernous hangar who assembled to see and hear the secretary of defense.
"You go to war with the Army you have," he said in a rare public airing of rank-and-file concerns among the troops.
By ROBERT BURNS, AP Military Writer
CAMP BUEHRING, Kuwait - Disgruntled U.S. soldiers complained to Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld on Wednesday about the lack of armor for their vehicles and long deployments, drawing a blunt retort from the Pentagon (news - web sites) chief.
Army Spc. Thomas Wilson, for example, of the 278th Regimental Combat Team that is comprised mainly of citizen soldiers of the Tennessee Army National Guard, asked Rumsfeld in a question-and-answer session why vehicle armor is still in short supply, nearly two years after the start of the war that ousted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"Why do we soldiers have to dig through local landfills for pieces of scrap metal and compromised ballistic glass to uparmor our vehicles?" Wilson asked. A big cheer arose from the approximately 2,300 soldiers in the cavernous hangar who assembled to see and hear the secretary of defense.
"You go to war with the Army you have," he said in a rare public airing of rank-and-file concerns among the troops.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
My Favorite Phobias (List Number 10)
There are, of course, many hundreds of phobias (for example there is a phobia associated with each color). Here are some of the weirdest, and therefore some of my favorites... /jack
ablutophobia: fear of washing or bathing
agrizoophobia: fear of wild animals
alektorophobia: fear of chickens
alliumphobia: fear of garlic
allodoxaphobia: fear of opinions
anthophobia: fear of flowers
anthrophobia: fear of people
aphenphosmphobia: fear of being touched
arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth (I double checked this in three places...it's really true!!)
astrophobia: fear of stars and celestial space
ataxophobia: fear of disorder or untidiness
atelophobia: fear of imperfection
autodysomophobia: fear of one that has a vile odor
autophobia: fear of being alone
blennophobia: fear of slime
bogyphobia: fear of the bogeyman
cacophobia: fear of ugliness
caligynephobia: fear of beautiful women
catagelophobia: fear of being ridiculed
cyberphobia: fear of computers or working on a computer
dextrophobia: fear of objects at the right side of the body
ecclesiophobia: fear of church
eremophobia: fear of being oneself
eremophobia: fear of being alone
ergophobia: fear of work
erythrophobia: fear of the color red
germanophobia: fear of Germany, German culture
glossophobia: fear of speaking in public
graphophobia: fear of writing
gymnophobia: fear of nudity
gynophobia: fear of women
hadephobia: fear of hell
hagiophobia: fear of saints or holy things
hedonophobia: fear of feeling pleasure
hierophobia: fear of priests
hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: fear of long words (had to triple check that: it's legit)
hobophobia: fear of bums or beggars
homichlophobia: fear of fog
homilophobia: fear of sermons
kakorraphiaphobia: fear of failure
lachanophobia: fear of vegetables
lyssophobia: fear of becoming mad
macrophobia: fear of long waits
mageirocophobia: fear of cooking
onomatophobia: fear of hearing a certain word
ophthalmophobia: fear of being stared at
phronemophobia: fear of thinking (or, Curly Joe Syndrome)
pteronophobia: fear of being tickled by feathers
pupaphobia: fear of puppets
rhytiphobia: fear of getting wrinkles
soceraphobia: fear of parents-in-law
taphephobia: fear of being buried alive
topophobia: fear of performing (stage fright)
uranophobia: fear of heaven
xylophobia: fear of wooden objects
ablutophobia: fear of washing or bathing
agrizoophobia: fear of wild animals
alektorophobia: fear of chickens
alliumphobia: fear of garlic
allodoxaphobia: fear of opinions
anthophobia: fear of flowers
anthrophobia: fear of people
aphenphosmphobia: fear of being touched
arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth (I double checked this in three places...it's really true!!)
astrophobia: fear of stars and celestial space
ataxophobia: fear of disorder or untidiness
atelophobia: fear of imperfection
autodysomophobia: fear of one that has a vile odor
autophobia: fear of being alone
blennophobia: fear of slime
bogyphobia: fear of the bogeyman
cacophobia: fear of ugliness
caligynephobia: fear of beautiful women
catagelophobia: fear of being ridiculed
cyberphobia: fear of computers or working on a computer
dextrophobia: fear of objects at the right side of the body
ecclesiophobia: fear of church
eremophobia: fear of being oneself
eremophobia: fear of being alone
ergophobia: fear of work
erythrophobia: fear of the color red
germanophobia: fear of Germany, German culture
glossophobia: fear of speaking in public
graphophobia: fear of writing
gymnophobia: fear of nudity
gynophobia: fear of women
hadephobia: fear of hell
hagiophobia: fear of saints or holy things
hedonophobia: fear of feeling pleasure
hierophobia: fear of priests
hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: fear of long words (had to triple check that: it's legit)
hobophobia: fear of bums or beggars
homichlophobia: fear of fog
homilophobia: fear of sermons
kakorraphiaphobia: fear of failure
lachanophobia: fear of vegetables
lyssophobia: fear of becoming mad
macrophobia: fear of long waits
mageirocophobia: fear of cooking
onomatophobia: fear of hearing a certain word
ophthalmophobia: fear of being stared at
phronemophobia: fear of thinking (or, Curly Joe Syndrome)
pteronophobia: fear of being tickled by feathers
pupaphobia: fear of puppets
rhytiphobia: fear of getting wrinkles
soceraphobia: fear of parents-in-law
taphephobia: fear of being buried alive
topophobia: fear of performing (stage fright)
uranophobia: fear of heaven
xylophobia: fear of wooden objects
Future Past
"Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to."
- Ashleigh Brilliant
- Ashleigh Brilliant
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