Squirrel poem

The brindled squirrel stands on his hind legs
Sniffs the sunflowers along the fence
And bats a sunflower stalk
To test its strength
It wobbles back and forth
He lunges at the flower
But scrubs the mission and backs off
Ponders the technical objective
And makes a leap of faith
Like Jim Wickwire on K2
Fording a crevasse
With his own leap of faith
He grasps the thick stalk
Swaying and starting to lean
Under the squirrel's weight
Makes a quick swat
At the seed-laden flower
And his claw catches it
He can give up leap back
And retreat momentarily
To safety on the cedar planks
And leave the seed jackpot behind
Or somehow maneuver the flower down
He sits still for a moment
And begins to gnaw at the stalk
When he nearly saws through
He has a new problem
Holding the flower in one paw
And clutching the stalk for dear life
With the other
While my cat stands underneath
Watching the sunflower sway
He bites through the stalk
The sunflower drops to the ground
And startles the cat
Who shoots off into the yard
The squirrel scrambles down
Grabs the sunflower
And makes it to the garage roof
Where he digs out the seeds
And caches them in the gutter
He repeats this with three flowers
Shuttling up and down the roof
The cat becomes bored
And walks away.
---o0o---

Alien Lore No. 88 - Are Greys The Devil's Minions?

Flying Saucers from Hell? Are UFOs really just barges of The Great Deceiver, sent to enslave and/or infect earth with evil?

Sheffield University folklorist David Clarke has written a long and wonderful article on The ForteanTimes website on this bizarre subset of alien lore, in an already bizarre field of lore. You'll need to register to read the entire article.

There is a large school of theory and growing body of literature suggesting that UFOs and Aliens are indeed agents of Satan. On the other hand Reverend Billy Graham wondered whether or not "UFO occupants may be angels sent by God to watch over us. " You may recall that President Ronald Reagan also speculated numerous times in public over the possible motives of alien visitors. According to David Clarke, "The best-known exponent of this idea is the Presbyterian minister Rev Barry Downing, author of Flying Saucers and the Bible. Downing appears to be open minded about aliens as part of God’s creation and to look to the scriptures for evidence of early ET contacts."

Then, there are members of the Christian Orthodox Church who find it impossible to accept that there is any goodness in the elusive and contradictory nature of UFO behaviour. The most extreme expression of this view is that there can be no ETs because life on other planets is not mentioned in the Bible. It’s a point of view that leads its proponents to a further conclusion: if there are no aliens in the Bible and the UFO occupants aren’t angels, then UFOs can only be demonic in origin.

John Weldon & Zola Levitt’s UFOs: What on Earth is Happening? and Dr Clifford Wilson’s UFOs & Their Mission Impossible, are very vocal Christian fundamentalists state without equivocation that UFOs are manifestations of demonic activity, and the increasing number of UFOs in our skies is the result of demons gathering for the coming of the Antichrist.
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Poem: Jericho & How Joshua Caused The Walls To Come Tumbling Down

click image to enlarge

Jericho was shut up tighter than a submarine.
It made Helms Deep look as porous as a sponge.
Joshua stared at the walls, trying to find the route in,
When a man walked up: A buffed-up, bodacious cat
With whirling gaslighted ninja eyes, more like a shade
Than a man. Joshua called him out:
"Hey you! Spook! Are you for us, or against us?"
The spook spun around toward Joshua,
Rattled his gleaming sword
And grew ten feet tall and five feet wide.
"I am the General of all Generals."
Joshua fell to the ground because the spook
Was The Lamplighter himself.
"Take the shoes, from your feet," God said,
"This is holy ground. And you’re my boy today.
I have a project for you."

Joshua told The Priests "Follow the ark,
With seven priests with seven trumpets.”
He told the peasants, "All right. Now, beat feet!”
Seven priests blowing seven trumpets led the parade
Around and around and around Jericho
Like Sambo marched the tigers around the tree
Or the way earth spins in the dark around the sun.
For six days, they marched in silence.
On the seventh day they began marching at dawn
Behind the seven priests and seven trumpets
And they marched around the city seven times.
After the seventh orbit, the priests blew a cadenza
And Joshua said to the people, "Shout!
When the trumpets sang, they roared,
Louder with each passing minute,
And the walls came tumbling down.
They destroyed everything with a heartbeat:
Every man, woman, animal and bug,
Young, old, red, yellow, black and white,
Fell on the sword.
Joshua was the Lord’s boy
And became famous throughout the country.
He put the hairy eyeball on anyone
Who dared rebuild the wicked city.
----o0o----

Poem: The Orgy In The Pantry (starring Duncan Hines, Betty Crocker, Pilsbury Dough Boy, Aunt Jemima, Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and more).

Soft pulses murmur in the distance:
Muffled voices murmur counterpoint music,
Sing-song transactions hum
Through wood and plaster, doors and walls.
The push and pull of iambic conversation,
And the percussive boom of laughter
Skein a polyrhythmic framework
On a symphony of voices.
A rustling sound upstairs
Wakes me. I get out of bed
And edge up the stairs.
The sounds pull into focus
And the parts emerge.
Heavy breathing, moaning,
A rhythmic thumping, groans and giggles.



I shuffle to the pantry
And ease the door open,
Walking between nylons, belts, a bra,
T-shirts, striped trousers, a housedress,
Skirts, vests, shoes and socks,
Camisoles. panties, and sweaters,
A toque, monocle, and top hat.

I step in and nearly trip on
Mr. Peanut, lying on his back
With a Grand Coulee grin on his mug
And Sara Lee in fishnet stockings on top,
Rubbing peanut butter
On her breasts and nether parts.
Snap, Crackle and Pop are naked
On the floor, daisy chained
In various conjugations
With the Campbell Soup Twins.

Aunt Jemima and Chef Boy-Ar-Dee
Are in the corner, half undressed,
Staring into each others eyes
And sharing a bottle of wine.
Duncan Hines is against the wall
Watching. . .getting solo kicks ,
Digging the scene at the voyeur remove
Where watching trumps participation.
Uncle Ben and Speedy Alka Seltzer
Sip mint juleps, watching the Doublemint Twins'
Messopotamian strip-tease.

Mr. Clean and Tony The Tiger are oiled up,
Greek style, grappling on the pine floorboards.
Enveloped in a churning cloud of flour,
Betty Crocker's housedress is hiked up around her hips,
Arms on the Pilsbury Doughboy's shoulders.
The Jolly Green Giant and Mrs. Butterworth
Waltz around the pantry
And Mrs. B's feet never touch the floor.
Captain Crunch, Colonel Sanders,
Bazooka Joe and The Frito Bandido
Sit in a circle, passing a bong
And laughing at the show.

I don't know if I'm dreaming or awake,
If I should go to sleep or wake up,
Quit dreaming I'm awake
Or quit imagining I'm asleep.
I don't know whether to
Spectate, participate, or abrogate.
---o0o---

Poem: 3 A.M.

The house is still as a painted boat
On a painted sea,

Quiet as the pond
In Monet's Water Lillies,

And as dark
As Mephistopheles' rectum.
---o0o---

Displaced hip, part 2: The Phil Trumbo photos

click to enlarge

Phil Trumbo's get-well email commemorated my hip dis- and re-placement with a number of photos.


click to enlarge


click image to enlarge
---o0o---

Painting: the topographic river

click the painting to enlarge
---o0o---

Dislocated Hip!

I dislocated my (prosthetic) left hip [1] in the wee hours last night. . .by far the most painful thing I've ever experienced. . .by orders of magnitude. My stainless steel hip bone popped right out of the socket. My leg no longer worked, and I could do nothing but slide to the floor, where I remained for about the next hour, trying to find the least painful position (a position that didn't exist), and hoping I could somehow pop the hip back in. My leg was almost turned backwards.

Moving even 1/4" was excruciating. One position that hurt the least, but it started hurting and I had to find another. And every move was complete and total agony. Breathing could hurt. Muscle twitches felt like fire. And the muscles were twitching. I got a Charlie horse and couldn't stop it. It hurt too much to straighten my leg out. I woke Keelin up and she and Colum called 911 (!). The fire department and an ambulance arrived and after fifteen minutes of butt-scratching, carted me out of the basement on a papoose, up the steep back stairs and into the meat-wagon for the drive down the street to Ballard Hospital. They started me on Dilaudid (and gave me a good plungerful in the I.V. whenever I asked).

Since I'd drunk a glass of orange juice at 12:00, they had to wait eight hours to perform the surgery. Not surgery, really, but sticking the hip back in the socket. The Doctor said it was more like carpentry than surgery ("we use the same tools...chisels, saws, screws, cement, hammers"). They had to knock me out to perform the hip "reduction" as it's called. Dr. Wexler was a very personable guy. I tried to talk him into just banging the hip in without anesthetic (Lethal Weapon style). We wouldn't have to wait for my stomach to empty. Alas, he seemed almost game, but didn't want to do it. He'd done a shoulder w/o anesthesia, but he didn't know if he could pull off a hip. So, we waited on three babies about to emerge.

They put me under and wrestled my hip back to its rightful home. I woke up three minutes after they knocked me out, and my hip was back in place. I'm still hurting, but they gave me plenty of Vicoden, which helps a little. I am wearing a "knee immobilizer" to prevent my hip from twisting, andto protect me from myself.

One minute after they finished with the hip, I woke up. It was a shimmering moment of joy. . .in these three minutes I was asleep they had changed my life! I went under at 9:30--I was facing a big clock--and when I snapped to it was 9:34! How did they do that??!! That is maybe the most amazing part of this story. They can put you under for three minutes, perform their maneuvers, and bring you concscious instantly! Keelin said I made a joke when I woke up. And for a second, I thought maybe they didn't fix it...but I wiggled my leg...it was attached and it was no longer on fire. My hip was home and I was sore all over, but I could move my leg under my own volition. The absence of pain was a joy. I feel a lot of other pains at the moment, but in perspective, they are infinitesimal. I am going to be OK, I'm sure. But I am always an optimist about these things. My knee immobilizer prevents me from doing anything too crazy. I'll admit, 'though, I am the last person in the world who would do anything risky right now. The pain is way too fresh. I'm not ready for that again. OK. . .enough. . .how are you feeling?!


[1] From Dynomed.com: In a posterior dislocation, there is usually a great deal of power brought to bear to a flexed knee and to the hip.

Dislocations of a prosthetic hip can happen without any trauma since the ligaments that support the hip joint are no longer working properly. However, nationwide, only about 1 percent of all hip replacement patients will suffer a dislocation. The dislocation can occur when the leg is put in positions that can manually pop the ball from the hip socket, like crossing your legs at your knees or squatting. Additionally, for preventive reasons, physicians advise against bringing your knees to your chest if you have a prosthesis.

Two common techniques for performing a posterior hip reduction (the most common kind of hip dislocation) are the Allis Maneuver and the Stimson Maneuver. In addition to those two techniques, there are several other options available to an orthopedic surgeon depending on the individual case. Both maneuvers require the use of physical force to push the hip back into place and are performed with the patient sedated. The hip and knee are flexed to a 90-degree angle when a surgeon applies the Allis Maneuver. The Stimson Maneuver has the dislocated leg hanging over the edge of the bed with the hip and knee also flexed at a 90-degree angle.
---o0o---

Dr. Hook & The cover of the Rolling Stone

This has to fall in the novelty tune category. . .but it's pretty nice. Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show were essentially one hit wonders, however, they did strike gold with a follow-up hit, "Sylvia's Mother." After their song came out, Rolling Stone--it's hard to imagine all these years later how influential and monolithc Rolling Stone was in the 70's--put them on the cover!

Cover of the Rolling Stone
( Dr Hook & the Medicine Show )

Ha, ha, ha, I don't believe it
Da, da, ah, ooh, don't touch me
Hey, Ray!
Hey, Sugar!
Tell them who we are .....

Well, we're big rock singers
We've got golden fingers
And we're loved everywhere we go (that sounds like us)
We sing about beauty and we sing about truth
For ten-thousand dollars a show (right)
We take all kinds of pills that give us all kind of thrills
But the thrill we've never known
Is the thrill that'll get ya when you get your picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

(Rolling Stone) Wanna see my picture on the cover
(Stone)Wanna buy five copies for my mother (yeah)
(Stone)Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Rolling Stone (that's a very, very, good idea)

I got a freaky ole lady name a cocaine Katy
Who embroideries on my jeans
I got my poor old grey haired daddy
Drivin' my limosine
Now, it's all designed to blow our minds
But our minds won't really be blown
Like the blow that'll get ya when you get your picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

(Rolling Stone) Wanna see our pictures on the cover
(Stone) Wanna buy five copies for our mothers (yeah)
(Stone) Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

(Hey, I know how, rock and roll!!)

[guitar break]

(Ah, that's beautiful)

We got a lot of little teenage blue-eyed groupies
Who do anything we say
We got a genuine Indian Guru
Who's teaching us a better way
We got all the friends that money can buy
So we never have to be alone
And we keep getting richer but we can't get our picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

(Rolling Stone) Wanna see my picture on the cover
(Stone) Wanna buy five copies for my mother (I want one!)
(Stone) Wanna see my smilin' face
On the cover of the Rolling Stone
On the cover of the Rolling Stone

(Man, I don't know why we ain't on the cover, Baby)
(We're beautiful people)
(I ain't kiddin', why, we would make a beautiful cover
(Fresh shot, right up front, man)
(I can see it now, we'll be up on the front)
(Smilin', man ...... ahh, beautiful!)
---o0o---

The story behind the mad leaping aquatic cat in the raft

This is a photo that has been circulating on the 'net in the last few months. I've received it a few times.

Who brought the cat, and why is she jumping out of the boat? As it turns out, she wasn't. As so often happens, a picture too good to be true, isn't. According to Snopes.com, who have also received the photo, "The picture is a humorous digital merging of a picture of three somewhat frightened-looking kids on a bouncing raft with another image taken from a collection of "airborne cat" photos." Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

---o0o---

Painting: "He got caught in the spotlight"

click the image to enlarge
---o0o---

Lyrics to Peter Rowan's (and Old And In The Way's) Panama Red

Panama Red was performed by Old And In The Way, a bluegrass group of David Grisman on Mandolin, Jerry Garcia (on banjo), Vassar Clements on Fiddle, Peter Rowan, and John Kahn on bass. Old And In The Way helped revitalize and popularize bluegrass. These records are still some of my favorite bluegrass. I remember some of those days when Panama Red would show up in town.



Panama Red
by Peter Rowan


Panama Red, Panama Red
He'll steal your woman, then he'll rob your head
Panama Red, Panama Red
On his white horse, Mescalito
He come breezin' through town
I'll bet your woman's up in bed with
Panama Red

The judge don't know when Red's in town
He keeps well hidden underground
But everybody's acting lazy
Falling out and hangin' 'round

My woman said, "Hey Pedro
you're actin' crazy like a clown"
Nobody feels like working
Panama Red is back in town

[chorus]

Everybody's looking out for him
'Cause they know Red's satisfies
Little girls love to listen to him
Sing and tell sweet lies

But when things get too confusing, honey
You're better off in bed
And I'll be searching all the joints in town for
Panama Red

[chorus]

Old And In The Way Recordings: 1 Oct 1973 Breakdown; 8 Oct 1973 Old And In The Way

New Riders of the Purple Sage Recordings: 1973 The Adventures Of Panama Red; 1975 Live On Stage; 13 Jun 1975 Armadillo World HQ; 1982 Live (1982)
---o0o---