NY Governor David Paterson unleashes a volley of 88 new taxes in retribution for his portrayal as befuddled on SNL

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

Governor David Paterson in an apparent fit of pique, has unleashed a set of 88 new taxes that insiders say are a punitive measure against what the Governor privately called "This c***sucking Saturday Night Live generation of Blackberry packing, iPod toting, spoiled a**holes!"

Editor's Warning: The video clip of SNL has been sporadically available on YouTube. The link below may well be broken by the time you read this. Bending to pressure from Patterson, and other groups, YouTube has deemed the video clip "offensive."



The Governor also said "I've been up front with these f***ing a**holes, admitted having affairs, snorting coke. My wife had affairs and did blow too. So motherf***ing what! Look what honesty gets me! Ridiculed on Saturday Night Live. How f***ing dare they mock my blindness! I can't pay back the whole f***ing country over this one. But I'll be glad to start with these New York creeps."

Although the Governor is attempting to close a $15+ Billion dollar budget gap, most observers agreed the new taxes were retaliatory. The Governor's office rolled out a punitive tax package that included, among many other taxes:

an 18% tax on soda,
an iPod tax,
a new movie theater tax,
doubling the taxes on beer and wine (holy cow!),
new taxes on massages (up to 50% for "full release/happy ending"),
an additional tax on cigars,
a tax on all digitally-delivered entertainment (which, of course, includes phone ringtones, phone games, games delivered online like World of Warcraft, movies pn demand or purchased, videos, and iPod downloads to name a few),
a sporting event tax,
another taxi tax,
a new bus tax,
a limo tax,
cable TV tax,
a radio tax,
and a clothing tax.
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Spitzer's replacement David Paterson admits hot affair and MILF Michelle 'fesses up to being rodgered outside the connubial confines of marriage

By Pablo Fanque

All This Is That National Affairs Editor

03-18-2008 12:00 AM PDT

The very same day he took over for horndog Elliott Spitzer, New York Governor David Paterson, told the Daily News that he and his wife have had extramarital affairs. Both Paterson, 53, and his tasty wife, Michelle, 46, acknowledged in an interview they each had intimate relationships with others several years ago.



Paterson said he had a relationship for two or three years with "a woman other than my wife," beginning in 1999.

Asked if he had stayed with anyone else since 2001 at the same West Side hotel, Paterson said, "From time to time I used to take Michelle to that hotel."

The First Couple agreed to speak publicly about their—what was once called open—marriage after an outbreak of rumors about Paterson's personal life began circulating among the press corps in the last week.

No one can really get up in arms about The Governor sneaking around, or the wronged wife this time. He maintains some sort of cred despite the affair. . .because he was getting it for free, and she was working her own angle. In a curious side-note, Paterson is legally blind, which seems not to preclude an eye for the ladies.



What's the deal these last few years with statehouse sex scandals in New York and New Jersey? It's King Midas In Reverse all over again.
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