John Edwards experienced a Penile Zipper Injury in his rush to escape the Beverly Hilton Hotel

By Pablo Fanque,

All This Is That National Affairs Editor

I wrote an article a couple of days ago, in which I stated that All This Is That had published its last article on Ex-Senator John Edwards. I should have said "next to last."

How was I to know that I would be in the Formosa Cafe in Hollywood the next day, striking up a conversation with a young woman who turned out to be an intern at Cedars Sinai Medical Center (near Beverly Hills and West Hollywood)? Or that she had treated, along with a resident, a man named "Jack Olson" who was in fact John Edwards? And that she would treat him for a trauma that most often occurs in young boys?

You may snigger, but in fact, Ex-Senator Edwards experienced a common emergency room complaint about which dozens of articles have been published in medical journals. Look here. Or here.

As it turns out, my intern friend, Jenny, treated the Ex-Senator for a Penile Zipper Injury. She only understood what actually happened after the National Enquirer broke the story wide open. The Senator was in a hurry to zip up and hightail it out of the Beverly Hilton Hotel when he experienced a most painful misfire. The injury did not require catgut sutures, but did necessitate application of an ointment and dressing to the former Senator's tallywhacker. John Edwards was zipping up quickly as he realized the hotel was crawling with reporters and photographers.

"Jack Olson" and Rielle "Baby Mama" Hunter

The zipper injury John Edwards incurred has thus far not been mentioned in the press. Until today.
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Spitzer's replacement David Paterson admits hot affair and MILF Michelle 'fesses up to being rodgered outside the connubial confines of marriage

By Pablo Fanque

All This Is That National Affairs Editor

03-18-2008 12:00 AM PDT

The very same day he took over for horndog Elliott Spitzer, New York Governor David Paterson, told the Daily News that he and his wife have had extramarital affairs. Both Paterson, 53, and his tasty wife, Michelle, 46, acknowledged in an interview they each had intimate relationships with others several years ago.



Paterson said he had a relationship for two or three years with "a woman other than my wife," beginning in 1999.

Asked if he had stayed with anyone else since 2001 at the same West Side hotel, Paterson said, "From time to time I used to take Michelle to that hotel."

The First Couple agreed to speak publicly about their—what was once called open—marriage after an outbreak of rumors about Paterson's personal life began circulating among the press corps in the last week.

No one can really get up in arms about The Governor sneaking around, or the wronged wife this time. He maintains some sort of cred despite the affair. . .because he was getting it for free, and she was working her own angle. In a curious side-note, Paterson is legally blind, which seems not to preclude an eye for the ladies.



What's the deal these last few years with statehouse sex scandals in New York and New Jersey? It's King Midas In Reverse all over again.
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