Quotes of the day from Ashleigh Brilliant

“Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules”

"By accepting you as you are, I do not necessarily abandon all hope of your improving”

“I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.”

“It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.”

Ashleigh Brilliant
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Would we elect a bald President; a fat President; a homely President; a short President. . .?

The answer is yes. There is continuing debate and speculation, however, about whether we could, or would, elect an African-American President (Obama), a female President (Hillary Clinton), or a Mormon President (Mitt Romney). I don't think we know yet whether Mormons, women, or African-Americans are electable. I do know there are other categories and characteristics that may not be electable either. We've never had a President who was a dwarf, or who had a cleft palate, or was missing an arm or leg. When Steve Forbes ran for President, I postulated that he could never be elected because he was just too spooky looking. My friends just figured it was more Jack crazy talk. You saw how far Forbes got--even with what I thought was an appealing flat-tax plan.



Also-rans Michael Dukakis, Thomas Dewey, Alf Landon, and Teddy Roosevelt (who won once and was whupped once), were all 5' 8". On the other hand, winners Taylor, Harrison, Polk and Grant were all 5'8". McKinley, John Adams, Benjamin Harrison, Van Buren, and John Quincy Adams all won, even though they were 5'6" or 5'7". James Madison, at 5'4" was our shortest President. Jimmy Carter and Harry Truman, at 5'9" are the shortest Presidents after Teddy Roosevelt (who was elected in 1904!).



We know, then, that you can be elected if you are short--although we seem to be trending away from that. Bald, however? Women almost always retain their juvenile hairline through their entire lives, while 95% of Caucasian men develop a mature hairline. But Presidential hairlines don't seem to match up with that 95%.

We've had five bald and balding Presidents: John Adams and his son, John Quincy Adams -- both one-termers (and remember, from the previous paragraph, both were short). Martin Van Buren was seriously balding (and also was a one-term President). James A. Garfield was so bald they shot him. After the death of Garfield, it took 72 years to elect another bald President: Ike. Ike whupped Adlai Stevenson twice. Adlai was even balder than Ike (which, really, is just barely possible). Next up and the final bald President: Gerald Ford, the accidental president. He was never actually elected, and lost when he did run.

Out of two hundred some years of the U.S. Presidency, we've only had 23 years of bald leadership. This does not look so good for Joe Biden's Presidential bid.

The portliest President? William Howard Taft tipped the scales at 352.

A President who never married? James Buchanan.

Dan Murphy claims in an article on the presidents that Richard Nixon and LBJ were the ugliest Presidents: "Johnson hideousness was almost as bad as his Vietnam War policy. Nixon lost the 1960 presidential election because he was an ugly bastard."



The dumbest President? We'll never know for sure. An internet hoax, a few years ago allegedly listed the IQs of the last 12 U.S. Presidents. The study was done by The Lovenstein Institute (a think tank that doesn't actually exist). Bill Clinton topped the list with an IQ of 182. Jimmy Carter was second. Nixon was the highest ranked Republican at fourth. George Bush was listed at number 11 and George W. Bush was listed 12th with the lowest IQ...the dumbest President.

The Daily Kos quotes statistics from a study that originally appeared in Political Psychology.

"Whoa. This ought to be good.

Here are your top nine smmmmartest Presidents:

1. John Quincy Adams, IQ 175 (yipe)
2. Thomas Jefferson, 160
3. John F. Kennedy, 159.8
4. Bill Clinton, 159
5. Jimmy Carter, 156.8
6. Woodrow Wilson, 155.2
7. Theodore Roosevelt, 153
8. Chester A. Arthur, 152.3 (no flippin' way)
9. Abraham Lincoln, 150

And here's the bottom of the barrel:

41. George W. Bush, 138.5
42. Ulysses S. Grant, 130

Okay, so 138.5 is no dummy, and I've never thought Bush is actually a DUMB guy. He's just dumb compared to all the other Presidents, that's all. "
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Painting: Four illustrated skulls.. .

Click the painting to enlarge
Copyright © 2006 by John Brummet
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Althea's Spontaneous Poem On How To Live The Life Of A Real Diva

My niece Althea came out with this a couple of days ago when my daughter Claire was babysitting. Claire naturally began to write it down. This poem would be even funnier if you actually knew her parents. I don't where this all came from, but I guess she has been impressed with the recent limo antics and lack of apparel of those slightly older divas, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, and Lindsay Lohan!


Althea's Spontaneous Poem
On How To Live The Life
Of A Real Diva

Limo, ferry, kitten.
I want a driver
For my limo
So I will be so rich
And I can
Put my brothers
in jail.

I asked for a picture
Of my parents.

I want a black limo.
I want my driver
To be pretty, not ugly.

And if they are ugly,
I'll get my Mom, Dad,
Haley, Paloma or McKenzie
To drive it.
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Running on empty—Send in the clowns—Announced, probable, and possible candidates for President of the United States

Democrat —

Senator Hillary Clinton
Ex Vice-President and Senator Albert Gore
Sen. Barack Hussein Obama
Ex-Senator John Edwards
Senator Evan Bayh (dropped out now)
Senator Joe Biden, Delaware
Senator John Kerry



Gov. Bill Richardson

Gov. Tom Vilsack (Iowa)
Senator Christopher Dodd, Ct.
Ex-General Wesley Clark
Ex-Governor Mark Warner, VA

Republican —

Governor Mike Huckabee, Ark.
Governor George Pataki, NY
Ex-Senator George Allen (presumably not running now)
Ex-Senator Rick Santorum (presumably now out of it)
Governor Mitt Romney
Ex-Governor Rudy Giuliani
Senator John McCain
Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan
Sen. Chuck Hagel, a Nebraska Republican
Ex-Speaker Newt Gingrich

The Dingbat Party —

Congressman and Ex-mayor Dennis J. Kucinich
"Crusader" Ralph J. Nader (a/k/a The man who helped G.W. Bush win)

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Eight Years Ago Today, President Bill Clinton Was Impeached In The House Of Representatives

....click montage to enlarge....

Eight years ago, after 14 hours of debate, the House of Representatives voted two articles of impeachment against President Bill Clinton (the prosecutor submitted 11 charges), charging him with a) lying under oath to a federal grand jury and b) obstructing justice.

The second president in American history was impeached and Clinton vowed to finish his term.

In November 1995, Clinton began a tawdry affair with Monica Lewinsky, a 21-year-old intern. She was later transferred to the Pentagon where she confided in a co-worker, Linda Tripp, about her affair. Tripp secretly taped Lewinsky, and contacted special prosecutor Kenneth Starr. A few days later, the story broke, with Clinton saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman..." In July, lawyers for Lewinsky and Starr worked out a full-immunity agreement covering Lewinsky and her parents. On August 6, Lewinsky appeared before a grand jury to testify, followed later in the month by The President. The President was impeached in The House.

Many months later, the Senate acquitted POTUS on both articles of impeachment.
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Alien Lore No. 92 - A Race Of Aliens Asks "Got Milk?"

A race of aliens from Brittleactica, "a distant planet," who worship and crave the White Wonder Tonic, Milk. . .have made recent transmissions that were monitored and acquired by the Weekly World News.



Now that I know of the plight of the Brittleacticans, I understand all the problems with cattle, eh? Find out more by going to the Planet In Need website. . .it's a very well done flash site, with a humorous take on alien visitors. . .


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B.B. King & Stanislaw Jerzy Lec: Quotes of the day

B.B. King:

"Nobody loves me but my mother—and she could be jivin' too."




Stanislaw Jerzy Lec:

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible."
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Poem: My Final Snowflake - The Final (I really mean it this time) Donald Rumsfeld Poem

click montage to enlarge...

This will really be my final Donald Rumsfeld poem. I thought A Broken Bone was the last, but Rummy came out with one more nugget before heading out. Yesterday, The Secretary rode off into the sunset, leaving behind a memo to his staff at the D.O.D.

For my part, I'll miss having him to kick around. And most of all I will miss his twisted locutions, loopy metaphors, and his facility with abstruse obfucation.

Good luck, Mr. Secretary! You may have sucked at your job, but you provided a rich and sustaining blast of entertainment for those of us who follow that sort of thing.

Selections of Rumsfeld poems on All This Is That:

Five new poems by Rumsfeld
Poem: Clarity By Donald Rumsfeld
Rumsfeld Poem No. 5
Donald Rumsfeld Poem: Not A One
Poem: Those Glass Boxes By Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
The Poetry Of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Part 3::::::That's Life
The Poetry of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld VI:::::Predicting The Future
The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld VIII::::::Litany: What I Don't Do
The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld IX::::::Accuracy
The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld X:::::::::Where Is Osama bin Laden?
The Poetry Of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld XI:::::::::Existence, Evidence, Absence
The Poetry of Secretary Donald Rumsfeld XIV::::::::The Unknown
The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld XIII: It hasn't happened
The Digital Revolution (Rumseld poem IV)
Rumsfeld Poems from the Dec., 2005 Briefing

To read one of the dozens of articles here on Rumsfeld--a few of which were even based on facts--search for Rumsfeld in the Blogger box in the upper left hand corner of this window.


My Final Snowflake

by the former Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld


This is
My final
Snowflake.

Thousands
Have fallen,
Sometimes

In blizzards and flurries,
Sometimes in cold
And lonely isolation.

Surprising to those
Buried in the deluge,
Many people have never

Received a snowflake.
A few folks
Hoped to run

Out the clock
On outstanding
Snowflakes.

I grant
Amnesty for outstanding
Snowflakes.

The blizzard is over!
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Painting: The First Flank Of The Invasion From Planet 32-Q7

click the painting to enlarge
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A Salute To Finland

Many more visitors from Finland and Denmark arrived at All This Is That today. . .

Did you know that Transparency International has ranked Finland the world's least corrupt country for the fifth time in a decade?
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The F*** Iraq! Video

Click onto this embedded video to see American soldiers helping Iraqi children with English lessons. Just another step on the road to victory, winning their hearts and minds?

"In fighting this war, we're taking every precaution to protect innocent life. We're showing respect for the Iraqi people, respect for their culture..."

Defend America News, the U.S. Department of Defense

[ed. note: you may need to click the play button twice to see the video.]


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