Monday, October 29, 2007

One of our favorites: The "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks



As a writer and student of English, I get this. You have to admit, some of the best blogs are the crank, and extreme niche blogs.

I get a few letters and emails from people who place All This Is That squarely in the crank blog category--almost always from Republicans or gun nuts and regular readers who abhor the Grey-Alien-UFO-paranormal content here. Anyhow, this blogspot blog that has been digging into bad punctuation for the last couple of years. They always have some great images, usually of "signage." Check out the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks.

Bethany Keeley, who writes/edits "The 'Blog' of 'Unnecessary' Quotation Marks" isn't a crank at all! She's never snarky. She just prints what she sees and hears. She is not a member of the punctuation police, but they have, naturally, adopted her. Her take on the whole quotation mark thing is amusement, but the outraged banshees want her on board. Bethany has lots of other irons in the fire. Like her other blog, work, and probably some living thrown in there. Another cool thing: she gets like half a million hits a week or more, and she doesn't even bother with ads. It's completely a work of amusement and mirth; a spot-on niche site.
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Painting: my cousin


click to enlarge
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Sunday, October 28, 2007

Blind 75 year old homeowner shoots intruder


Cevaughn Curtis, Jr.'s mug shot


Arthur Williams

Click here to see the video of Arthur Williams.

Arthur Williams, a blind retiree, shot an intruder in the neck this weekend. He purchsed the gun he used 25 years ago. He called the police at 3:00 AM and told them the man was bleeding on his floor. The intruder had to be completely stunned; this was straight from Ray Charles' great scene in The Blues Brothers movie!


Dan Ackroyd withg Ray Charles in The Blues Brothers movie

The attacker--Cevaughn Curtis, Jr
.--will be charged. . .after he is released from the hospital. Being shot by anelderly blind man can't do much for your credibility in the hoosegow...
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Obama vows to hector Senator Clinton to the very end


In an interview in Ohio with the New York Times, Senator Barack Obama says he will now begin hectoring Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton more forcefully. He told the reporter that she had not been candid describing her views on critical issues. Obama is desperately trying to convince his spooked supporters that his lack of assertiveness can be overcome and that her domination of the presidential race is merely temporary/



Obama’s vow to go on the attack comes just over two months before the first votes for the Democratic nomination. This vow follows lame showing previously this year, where has not exhibited the aggressiveness demanded by presidential politics and has so far allowed Hillary to storm to the top of the rockpile.
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Saturday, October 27, 2007

Painting: my right eye


click to enlarge
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Alien Lore No. 116 :The 1973 Army Helicopter-UFO Encounter



On October 18, 1973 just after eleven p.m., a U.S. Army 'copter flying from Columbus to Cleveland, Ohio, bumped into a UFO. The crew included a 20-year flyer, Captain Lawrence Coyne, Lieutenant Arrigo Jezzi, and Sergeants John Healey and Robert Yanacsek. At 2,500 feet the crew spotted a red light to the west, moving south. They guessed the light was from a fighter plane fromthe Mansfield-Lahm Municipal Airport Air Guard Station.


Suddenly, the light shifted course and seemed to head right at them! And the stalked were stalking the stalkers. The Captain Coyne threw the chooper into an emergency evasive maneuver and began to descend. When he radioed to identify the military plane, his radio went dead. (The air guard station later said there were no aircraft in the area. The red light closed in, becoming brighter, and the helicopter descended at 2,000 feet per minute.



At 1,700 feet above ground, the object UFO shot in front of, then over , the chopper. And then it stopped, treading sky for 10 seconds, filling the entire windscreen. All crew members saw it and described it later as looking like a grey cigar with a small dome on top. One crewman said he saw windows. The red light was still there, in the front of the saucer, and they could also see a white light on the side and a green light underneath.


The green light swung around like a searchlight and pointed into the cockpit, filling it with green light. The object then accelerated into the west, made a sharp turn northwest and disappeared over Lake Erie.

The 'copter's altimeter showed an altitude of 3,500 feet and an ascent of 1,000 feet per minute. But the stick was still pointed down. Even though Captain Coyne had not tried to climb, his aircraft climbed to 3,800 feet before he regained control. A few minutes later, the radio revived. A complete inspection the next day found nothing wrong, and the event received a thorough investigation.

By itself, it was an amazing story. But how many of these have we heard before? This time, however, there were witnesses on the ground. A woman driving with her four children said she had seen the entire encounter, including the green beam, which she said lit the ground around her car.

Philip Klass, the famous UFO skeptic and investigator, said the crew misidentified a meteor or fireball, and suggested the ground witnesses were delusional or just lying. Jerome Clark dismissed Klass's theory as "fantastic," since none of the testimony was even remotely consistent with it.

They've been debating this one for 35 years. It is one of the handful of UFO incidents regarded as potentially legitimate, even by the skeptics. Maybe it's the green light. A G.I.S. of UFO+green light turns up nearly 300,000 hits in Google.
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Friday, October 26, 2007

Two species of humans?


According to an article by Niall Firth in the Daily Mail, "The human race will one day split into two separate species, an attractive, intelligent ruling elite and an underclass of dim-witted, ugly goblin-like creatures." Firth quotes evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.

"100,000 years into the future, sexual selection could mean that two distinct breeds of human will have developed.

In the 1895 book Time Machine by H.G. Wells, the human race also evolves into two species, the highly intelligent and wealthy Eloi and the Orc-like Morlock who are destined to work underground to keep the Eloi happy.
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all this is that reheated: The President Wets His Bed

President Bush is suffering a relapse of enuresis after having been cured almost forty years ago.

The bed wetting began intermittently around the time of the Scooter Libby troubles. By early November, and the firing of Secretary Rumsfeld, the devasting mid-term elections, and reports the situation in Iraq has become untenable, the enuresis became chronic and acute.

A mistress of Governor Jeb Bush, Heather Hunt, revealed the news in a phone call to Phil Ronson at the All This Is That National Affairs Desk in Washington, D.C. The closely held secret has been tightly under wraps since the President's relapse. According to Ms. Hunt, Laura Bush has assumed the task of laundering the first family linens. Ms. Hunt could not state whether or not the President was undergoing medical treatment for the disorder.


Photograph of The President at the time ofhis "cure"

Ms. Hunt further stated that the President was a late-adolescent bed wetter until age 19, when his parents flew him to Switzerland for extensive psychiatric and medical treatment, prior to his matriculation into Yale.
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All This Is That Reheated: The run-up to Roswell: Alien Lore No. 22

All this happened right here, in my own backyard, near Mount Rainier. The Arnold sighting was the first big national UFO story (circa 1947), and from there, the story got bigger and bigger.


--click image to enlarge--

On June 24, 1947, the first American UFO sighting occurred. And it occurred right here, in the northwest, not far from Seattle.

Kenneth Arnold was flying a search route in his single-engine plane on the way to Yakima, Washington. Since it as such a clear sky, Arnold put his plane in cruise control. He sat back and watched the beautiful scenery around him.

Suddenly--out of the corner of his eye--Arnold saw some bright flashes of light. He looked over and saw nine bright objects hovering about 9,500 feet above the ground. The objects were heading north to south at about 1,700 miles an hour.

The saucers were heading toward Mount Rainier, so at first Arnold thought they were search planes. As he kept watching, the objects starting going in between Mount Rainier and Mount Adams. This was a distance of 47 miles. Every few seconds the objects would change course, and as they turned, Arnold tried to see tails or wings; there were none. When he drew the objects later on, they looked sort of like boomerangs.

Kenneth Arnold landed and told some of his friends what had happened. Later he found himself surrounded by reporters. He told them that the motion of the strange objects was like that of skimming saucers. A reporter, named Bill Bequette, heard this and put the words "flying saucer" in his article about Arnold.

The next day there were headlines in papers all over the country about what Kenneth Arnold had seen. No one knew what the objects were, not even the United States government. The War Department was looking into what they were because they wanted ships that could travel as fast as these.

After Arnold's sighting, there were hundreds of reports of the strange flying disks every day. There was even one the same day. At the Cascade Mountains, a man named Fred Johnson reported 5 or 6 disks. They had a slight tail, were about thirty feet in diameter, and they reflected the sun when they turned. They weren't flying in any particular formation. As they flew by, Johnson's compass spun. This was the first report of any instrument being affected by the disks.

On June 25th, there were two major sightings. The first was made at Kansas City, Missouri. There were nine objects in loose formation. Another sighting was made by Lloyd Lowry in Pueblo, Colorado. There were two objects close together. It seemed as if one was chasing the other.

On the 26th, there were an incredible number of sightings from Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico. There were sightings all over the south-west.

On the 27th, the reports started to change; they became more wide spread. Some came as far north as Canada and Michigan. The reports came from all over the world now.

It started to become a world-wide problem. No one knew what the objects were. Newspapers started to give explanations for what they thought the saucers were. Scientists thought that it was government research.

There are three main lines of speculation about just what had been seen. 1) The hexagon theory. The government was making hexagon shaped aircraft, and at high speeds, it gave the illusion of saucers. 2) They were remote-controlled rockets. 3) They were controlled by some hidden scientific group that was experimenting with different ways of travel.

Shortly thereafter, Roswell occurred and the era of UFOs, crop circles, abductions, cross-breeding, government conspiracies, and cattle mutilations had begun.
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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Do you want to write an alien poem? Four poems by alienbot

I've always loved programmed poetry generators. I once wrote (a rather feeble) one in Borland's TurboProlog. Anyhow, jump here to write your own "alien poem."

jack engulfs the grass
by Alienbot

He kills jack
The sun twitches the Earth
It touches loneliness
The desert bleeds woman suddenly
jack ponders wounds inversely
The chamber door picks up brains gleefully
The desert eats love flawlessly
The forest sees tears
My central processing unit engulfs infinity silken
My computer kills the lips
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The spider freezes the grass warmly
by Alienbot

The carbon based unit embraces infinity
johnnie makes the Earth
The forest sees the monkey rapping
The stalk penetrates the monkey gleefully
Sex hates hearts
Everyone numbs woman
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The lesbian explodes woman
by Alienbot

The spider kills love
My brain sees love
My heartbeat eats man
The stalk knows reality
The forest feels the pulsating alien brain messily
The outsider kisses as she walks
My computer breaks love
The carbon based unit ponders love
Midnight penetrates infinity gently
jack binds reality suddenly
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The desert sees reality
by Alienbot

The grass knows as she walks
It breaks infinity
My computer penetrates baseball
The stalk picks up the lips
Thought destroys the torso silken
My central processing unit loves brains unabashedly
The stalk penetrates as she walks messily
Midnight invalidates jack
My central processing unit breaks the lips gleefully
Alien probe smiles at the raven
The stalk wants man
The stalk binds loneliness
No one is the moon
jack hates funny smells
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McCain would like to blow Osama bin Laden away



The Boston Globe reported yesterday that G.O.P. presidential candidate John McCain told the workers in a weapons factory that, if elected, he wants to catch Osama Bin Laden.

"I will follow Osama Bin Laden to the gates of hell and I will shoot him with your products," McCain said.

McCain later told reporters he was joking when he made the comment at Thompson Center Arms in Rochester.

Perhaps. But the bottom line is, he succumbed to the moment, when those workers stared raptly at him, and it was the political equivalent of saying "talk dirty to me."


The Senator gives The President a man-hug
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