Kees Vander Putten has just finished a very funny animated video, The Beehive Theory. We're down to The Final Three Weeks. . .what a great time to roll out this summation of our folly in following the leader.
TBT is a satire on George W. Bush's defense and warped theories of the Iraq war. It's short, sweet, and spot-on, with a great soundtrack.
I've met Kees a few times (he's done some animation where I work). He did the entire video on his own (except for creating the soundtrack). Interestingly, Kees is completely self-taught! The video was done in Maya, with a mental ray renderer.
I hope we get more Vander Putten videos soon. Thank you Kees!
The Beehive Theory from Kees Vander Putten on Vimeo.
---o0o---
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
It was a brutal year for hillbilly food: say farewell to the inventors of Spaghetti-O's, Cheese Whiz, Pringles, and the Egg McMuffin
2008 was a tough year for the junk-food pioneers, following a brutal 2007 in which the guy who has to be the Dean of Junk Food, food scientist Edwin Traisman died at the age of 92 [ed's note: these guys all lived long lives] after having invented what must be the ultimate hillbilly treat: Cheese Whiz.
The Whiz is a jarred (but also available in a spray can), thick, viscous, somewhat sweet processed cheese sauce, with American Cheese as a base that is reprocessed with additional ingredients such as emulsifiers and stabilizing agents like xanthan gum or carrageenan, and citric acid and flavoring compounds (and Annatto, for coloring). I remember it often starring as the filling in celery sticks (and olives when used in its even more processed aerosol form), as well as as a base for various dips, sauces, and emollients.
We didn't know their actual names (only their achievements), but growing up hillbilly in the farmtown of Kent, Wash., these heroes furnished us with many of staples of our diets. [Ed's note: it also makes us wonder about the fates of the creators of Jell-o, Cool-Whip, Fizzies, Kool Aid, Cheetos, Bugles, and Spam].
Kurt Eberling, Sr., after fighting in the Korean War, Kurt snagged a job at the Campbell Soup Company (Jersey's finest!). Somehow he came up with the idea of creating ring-shaped pasta, putting it in a can with meatballs, and sauce, and SpaghettiOs were born. Kurt became a beacon to every Willie Loman in the world, who, one day, hoped to invent The Next Big Thing.
Herb Peterson, Food Scientist, invented the Egg McMuffin in 1972, after endless experiments with all the known and unknown potential permutations of crumpets, croissants, rolls, biscuits, eggs, sausage, ham, bacon, mayonnaise, and cheese. "Pete" died peacefully at home, with his family, in March.
Finally, on May 4th, the inventor of the Pringles can called it a day. Fred Baur was a chemist and food storage expert. He came up with the idea of inserting a uniform, molded, pre-formed potato chip into a can that remarkably resembled a tin sleeve of tennis balls. The best part of his passing: at Baur’s request, he was cremated and his ashes were buried in a Pringles can! Fred also invented freeze-dried ice cream and ultra-efficient industrial frying oils, but neither of these came close to the monolithic impact of Pringles, a food that became an immediate and long-lasting hillbilly favorite.
---o0o---
The Whiz is a jarred (but also available in a spray can), thick, viscous, somewhat sweet processed cheese sauce, with American Cheese as a base that is reprocessed with additional ingredients such as emulsifiers and stabilizing agents like xanthan gum or carrageenan, and citric acid and flavoring compounds (and Annatto, for coloring). I remember it often starring as the filling in celery sticks (and olives when used in its even more processed aerosol form), as well as as a base for various dips, sauces, and emollients.
We didn't know their actual names (only their achievements), but growing up hillbilly in the farmtown of Kent, Wash., these heroes furnished us with many of staples of our diets. [Ed's note: it also makes us wonder about the fates of the creators of Jell-o, Cool-Whip, Fizzies, Kool Aid, Cheetos, Bugles, and Spam].
Kurt Eberling, Sr., after fighting in the Korean War, Kurt snagged a job at the Campbell Soup Company (Jersey's finest!). Somehow he came up with the idea of creating ring-shaped pasta, putting it in a can with meatballs, and sauce, and SpaghettiOs were born. Kurt became a beacon to every Willie Loman in the world, who, one day, hoped to invent The Next Big Thing.
Herb Peterson, Food Scientist, invented the Egg McMuffin in 1972, after endless experiments with all the known and unknown potential permutations of crumpets, croissants, rolls, biscuits, eggs, sausage, ham, bacon, mayonnaise, and cheese. "Pete" died peacefully at home, with his family, in March.
Finally, on May 4th, the inventor of the Pringles can called it a day. Fred Baur was a chemist and food storage expert. He came up with the idea of inserting a uniform, molded, pre-formed potato chip into a can that remarkably resembled a tin sleeve of tennis balls. The best part of his passing: at Baur’s request, he was cremated and his ashes were buried in a Pringles can! Fred also invented freeze-dried ice cream and ultra-efficient industrial frying oils, but neither of these came close to the monolithic impact of Pringles, a food that became an immediate and long-lasting hillbilly favorite.
---o0o---
Monday, December 29, 2008
Holdout in Seattle: Ballard's Edith Macefield turned down $1,000,000 for her ramshackle cottage
Click to enlarge Edith's house -- I took this six months ago, before
the buildings on either side rose to five or six stories (that's her car).
If you want to see Stuart Isett's great photo of the same buildings six
months later, jump to the NY Times article.
You've heard about other "holdouts" -- almost always elderly people who refuse to sell their homes; about people holding up Progress. Well, Edith Macefield in Ballard, did it, and we drive by the results every day. She refused an offer of $1 million from developers (probably four or five times its market value) to buy it. Whoever ends up living there won't have far to go to get to Trader Joe's or L.A. Fitness.
The New York Times must have had a very slow news day, because they just published a long article by about her refusal to sell, and the strange story behind it.
The article alludes to an autobiography she wrote and published that contained some fanciful flights of imagination. That is undoubtedly so. We've always called her Hitler's babysitter around our house. The local Ballard 'paper published a story about her about 15 years ago in which she claimed, among other things, to have worked as the nanny for Hitler's right hand man, Joseph Goebbels (and his wife Magda). No word on how she escaped the white night in the Fuhrer Bunker, when Goebbels killed his entire family as the walls came down around Berlin.
She also claimed in the earlier article to have married a bazillionaire in England after the war.
"The interior of Ms. Macefield’s bungalow remains exactly as she left it," when she died a few months ago.
It's an interesting tale, of Seattle, holdouts, a very interesting and eccentric woman, and an estate controversy. Check it out here, in the New York Times.
---o0o---
You've heard about other "holdouts" -- almost always elderly people who refuse to sell their homes; about people holding up Progress. Well, Edith Macefield in Ballard, did it, and we drive by the results every day. She refused an offer of $1 million from developers (probably four or five times its market value) to buy it. Whoever ends up living there won't have far to go to get to Trader Joe's or L.A. Fitness.
The New York Times must have had a very slow news day, because they just published a long article by about her refusal to sell, and the strange story behind it.
The article alludes to an autobiography she wrote and published that contained some fanciful flights of imagination. That is undoubtedly so. We've always called her Hitler's babysitter around our house. The local Ballard 'paper published a story about her about 15 years ago in which she claimed, among other things, to have worked as the nanny for Hitler's right hand man, Joseph Goebbels (and his wife Magda). No word on how she escaped the white night in the Fuhrer Bunker, when Goebbels killed his entire family as the walls came down around Berlin.
She also claimed in the earlier article to have married a bazillionaire in England after the war.
"The interior of Ms. Macefield’s bungalow remains exactly as she left it," when she died a few months ago.
It's an interesting tale, of Seattle, holdouts, a very interesting and eccentric woman, and an estate controversy. Check it out here, in the New York Times.
---o0o---
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Farewell to Eartha Kitt & Eartha stands up to Lyndon Johnson on his own turf
click to enlarge
Christmas Day is normally a quiet day in the "blogosphere." I just noticed, however, that over a thousand people stopped by All This Is That on Christmas Day to read an article we published here Saturday, May 7, 2005 about Eartha Kitt standing up to the formidable, sometimes heroic, and often monstrous Lyndon Johnson.
This is one of those times all the blogging is actually worth it. For some reason, there aren't many references on the internet to the Eartha Kitt-LBJ dust-up--All This Is That pops up early in a G.I.S. of Eartha Kitt + LBJ. And all these people are coming here to read the story of how the diminutive Eartha stood up to LBJ in the White House--his home ground!--to question why he was sending hundreds of thousands of our boys to war. It is a fitting tribute for people to remember how she stood up to LBJ.
I saw Eartha Kitt at Jazz Alley in Seattle in 2003. Eartha Kitt, 2003. Jazz Alley, Seattle. Her campy act was a lot of fun; she's was a tease with a sly, cabaret sort of sense of humor. . You can read her obits everywhere, and read about her affairs with Orson Welles, and her stint as Catwoman, but like many people who were alive back then, I admire her for the way she stood up to LBJ at the White House . I wrote about that confrontation earlier here, and included the great picture (above) of LBJ staring her down... She was a hell of a woman, and it's almost shocking she had died. She may have been pushing 80 when I saw her last, but you wouldn't have guessed it from her energy, her voice, or her hoofing.
---o0o---
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Jesus' 2008th Birthday
Santa just before suiting up
Joseph (not the father), Mother Mary, and Jesus
Video: Jesus' Birthday Party
---o0o---
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
a hierarchy of paranoia
paranoia under the moonlight - click to enlarge
One recent psycho-sociological study found that:
click to enlarge
---o0o---
One recent psycho-sociological study found that:
- Over 40% of people regularly worry that negative comments are being made about them [ed's note: who cares!?]
- 27% think that people deliberately try to irritate them [ed's note: I believe in this number. . .it's roughly the same number of people--or, even less, than I probably set out to deliberately irritate on a daily basis]
- 10% think that someone has it in for them [ed's note: It's almost stunning only 10% of the people believe this. . .maybe they don't have office jobs or interactive jobs. If you're really living life, someone has it in for you. . .you're probably not thinking that the person in the next office would feel nothing (or elation) if you failed to wake up the next morning; guess what?: they would.]
- 5% worry there is a conspiracy to harm them [ed note: this doesn't apply to most of us. But there are myriad cases where some, or many, of your compatriots, co-workers, fellow group members, associates, family and relatives, fellow parishioners or dharma center members wouldn't mind it all if your last breath happened right now. ]
20% worry about being observed or followed [ed's note: don't worry; you are.]
click to enlarge
---o0o---
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
The League of SuperPresidents ® Power Breakfast
President George W. Bush, who has steadily promised president-elect Barack Obama a smooth runway into office, has invited the Democrat to a White House breakfast on January 7, along with former presidents Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and his father, George H.W. Bush.
Soon-to-be President Obama proposed the breakfast get-together when he visited the White House on November 10, six days after winning the presidential election, Bush said.
"I'm sure he's going to ask us all questions, I would guess. If not, we'll just share war stories," the current President said about the meeting. George, I think he'll probably come up with a question or two. . .
Still standing: three Ex-Presidents
29 days to go, and I'll be out of here!
---o0o---
Journey's Don't Stop Believing (with lyrics)
When I wrote about The Sopranos recently, it made me wonder about Journey, a band I'd never listened to other than incidentally. Here are two YouTube videos of Don't Stop Believing, one a song and lyric slide show, and another, live version. . .
Journey performing the tune live:
---o0o---
A Hip Christmas Carol by Lord Buckley: Scrooge
Scrooge is one of Lord Buckley's greatest performances. It's good to read, and great to hear. I can't find it streaming anywhere, so if you want to hear it, you can buy it on iTunes or Amazon for ninety-nine cents. This is one of my very favorite spoken word performances ever;
this warm-hearted rendition full of love. The Lord was something else. Go ahead, download it! You won't regret spending the buck... /jack
A Hip Christmas Carol
by Lord Buckley
"Yes, me, I'm Scrooge and I got all Marley's barley,
and I'm the baddest cat in all dis world.
I been studyin' all my life how to Scrooge people,
and I guarantee I done some fine work in dat direction.
"Cratchit!"
"Yes, sir."
"You busy?"
"I shorely is, sir."
"See dat you keep busy.
Don't want no danglin' wanglin' around here.
Keep everybody tight.
And tell dem two cats come in here want to get some money
I ain't givin' no money away.
"Dey messin' wit Scrooge.
I'm takin' it in. I ain't puttin' it out.
Issat clear?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, keep it clear. People comin' around here
wantin' my gold dat's all, tryin' to pry into my vault.
Every time I turn around somebody's tryin' to snap...
"Tell my nephew I don't want to have no dinner wid him
an' if he never comes in here again dat'll be too soon."
"I'll tell de cat."
"See dat ya do.
"I don't understand dese people who are after my gold.
I close up dis here place and den dey ...
"What, what? Yeah, let me tell you somethin else -
You think that you gonna get off Christmas day?"
"Well I was hopin', sir, dat you'd let me knock off just a little while
for Christmas Eve cause I want to go home and cool da goose."
"Well if you gonna get off Christmas Eve
you gonna have to work aaalllll day Christmas.
You hear me?"
"I hear ya, sir. I'm wid it."
"Well I guess I'll go on home here."
So Scrooge takes off and he cuts on down the street.
And the snow's blowin' and da winds is wooooooooin',
and Scrooge is goin' along in his loose soul
and his loose clothes and his hard cash box
and his big money mind goin' on in his wig
and he ding ding ding up da stairs
and he open his door and he gets inside
and he puts a double lock on da door
cause he a little bugged tonight.
He bein' sayin' "Humbug" so long, "Humbug dis," an' "Humbug dat,"
he done give himself a natural Humbug.
He's got da bug hummin' in him, see.
So he double-lock da door.
And he sit dere and all of a sudden
dere's an old bell layin' over dere in the corner
and da bell goes, "ding-ding-ding-ding"
and Scrooge say, "Whassat?"
Dang- dong. "Whassat?"
Bell started ringin' "DING DONG DOONG DOONG"
Pretty soon all da bells all over the house started ringin'
"Ding Ding Dang Dang Dong
Ring Dong Boom Boom, Ding dong,
Boom boom"
And he hear somethin'
like some chain cats are pullin'
all da chains from the chains of time
up the hill 'a strife ringing' and dinglin'
wid his whole head ringin' and dingin' wid dem chains.
And bloooop!
In come a cat, da wildest lookin' cat ya ever see in his life.
Real gone cat.
And Scrooge does a real wild take
"I know who dat stud is - dat's Marley!
I know dat's Marley!
What's he doin' here? Say, Marley?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Man, you sure chained up dere,
man, you got chainsville all over you dere!"
"Well, I put em on myself, dat's da way I lived it.
I chained myself. I hung myself up wid all dese chains, you know,
bein' parsimonious, ya understand what I mean?
I can't get 'em off now.
I been luggin' dese chains all over da country
for the past seven years."
"Dat's a long time.
What's you want wit me dere, Marley Marley?
cause I got your barley."
"I don't mess wid no barley no more.
I wish I'd given it all away when I had it
and I'm gonna tell you somethin' else, too,
I'm a spook, you know dat."
"You tellin' me. I know dat.
You a spook, man, an' I wanna get straight."
"I'm gonna tell you somethin else, too, Mr. Scroogie Scrooge,
Dere gonna be three more gas lightin' spooks comin' in to see you."
"Three more gas lightin' spooks.
Say, one spook's enough.
Can't I have 'em all at one time?"
"No. Dey comin' one at a time.
First one be eleven,
next one be twelve,
next one'll be one."
"Man, if I had known this..."
"Tell you what. You dig, Scrooge, it's what you puttin' down.
You been a real sorry cat all dis time.
You gonna be gassed now by dese spooks."
"Well, dey say if I gotta be gassed..
Ain't gonna cost me no money, is it?"
"Cost you more 'n dat, Scrooge."
"Dey ain't no more den money!"
"You find out."
Brrrrt.
And Marley split.
And old Scrooge is sittin' dere sweatin' and dinglin' danglin'.
And all of a sudden, man,
he hears some crazy wild kind of a thing goin' on.
He don't know just what it is and all of a sudden . . .
Boom
Here comes a great big fat spook,
look like takes a hundred and seventy wings
lift him off over da house top
and he's got de old beat up cat and spandly legs,
and strangly arms and pedicured eyes,
and a whole out of his skull wiggin' up a storm
and he looks at old Scrooge and he says...
Scrooge is standin' dere in the corner
he feel like a disrupted small disregarded
and unclaimed white mice midget-style,
he's sittin' over dere.
And dis spook say, "Come wid me
'cause I is The Ghost of da Christmas Past!"
And Scrooge say, "Do I hafta?"
Say, "You certainly do!"
And he got on the ghost's wing and - brrt - they took off.
And he's flyin' old Scrooge over da top of da mountain
da wind is blowin', da wind is partin' his way,
and he's lookin' down, and seein' all dese crazy scenes goin' on.
Zoom!
He goes over a few more miles
Takes him down to a sun-lit pasture.
And da sun-lit pasture's full of children,
and de're singin' and dancin' and lovin' and goin' and swingin'
and Scrooge say, "Look, look, look! Dat's me down dere!"
"Yeah, dat's you, dat's you."
"I look pretty good"
"Yeah but ya don't look good now,"
He say, "I wanna hip you gotta get yourself ?
Zoom!
He takes him over to another place
and he shows him a pretty little chick
got dimples, three dimples on each chin,
and she got three little dimpled children,
and the next little dimple on da way,
and dere's a real swingin' cat around there,
and it's a happy time,
looks like seventeen carnivals takin' off.
An' Scrooge look at dis chick and say,
"I remember dat chick. I could 'a married her once."
"Yeah, you coulda if you wasn't so tight wid your purse.
You all was thinkin' about yourself, dat's what happened."
Say, "Let me hip you further, Mister Scrooge,
Let me tell you one thing:
you better get everything straight that you wanna
and you better straighten up."
"An' take me home."
"Yeah, I will."
Brrrrm Boom
And he's home again.
So man, that was a shaker.
This whole thing, this whole thing is shakin' me up pretty bad.
He say, I want to tell you right now . . .
Boom!
Here comes another big spook
Ooooohhhh He's a wild lookin' spook.
He's a crazy lookin' spook.
He's a far-out spook, he's a gas-light spook.
He's got a gas light right on the top of his wig
goin' around like one of them dramatic ? pilot lights
in a light house and he's there gassin' up the whole scene.
He say "Come with me. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present"
And Scrooge look around and sees
the joint is loaded with apples and bananas and oranges and,
and credalies and acralonchs and ripalips
all kinds of crazy wild grapes and crazy Chistmas scenes
and nuts and candy.
And he say, "Come wid me."
Brrrrrttt.
Done took off again,
He said "I am The Ghost of Christmas Present."
He say, "I'm gonna show you what's goin' on in dis world
and how to dig Christmas and how to all enjoy
And he took him up to a little old outcast.
And there sittin on a small beat-up rock
was two studs chompin' up on a can 'a beans singin',
"Merry Christmas widch you,
Merry Christmas widch you.
Merry Christmas to the whole world"
And so on and so forth.
And he showin' him the people jumpin' for joy,
see how the cats that ain't got nothin' got somethin' anyway,
and they're all jumpin' for joy singin' "Merry Christmas," and da bells is ringin'.
Now you get yourself straight and see how things is ....
So they fly over da Cratchit's place,
there little old Tiny Tim, He's sittin' over in the corner
crochetin' a little crazy scene,
fiddlin' around, ya know what I mean?
An carryin' on, see,
and they are all talkin' about this here goose,
and dey look down here and this little goose
about the size of a beat up retarded sparrow,
and everybody's ooohin' and aahhhin' all over dis goose,
and day sayin' when are we gonna spread it,
and Tiny Tim say, "God bless everyone,
and even up to and including Scroogy Scrooge.
God bless everyone!" That's what Tiny Tim say.
And old Scrooge got red-eyed.
Brrrrt .
Took 'im back again.
Sound like the whole side 'a the buildin' open up
and in come a long angular spook
seventeen gas lights and stove pipes
hung together with
jingle jangle bells all over
Scrooge takes a look at this cat,
Says, "Do I have to go with you?"
He says, "You certainly do, 'cause I'm The Ghost of Christmas Future."
He say, "Come wid me."
Say, "Where we goin'?"
"None 'o your business!"
He takes old Scrooge they cut off flyin' around
the moonlight is shinin' down.
Booom!
They're in the grave-yard.
Oooh a wild OOOOoooohhhh
crazy spooky graveyard
and Scrooge is walkin' around
and finally something stepped out at him
like he was struck with the force of his eye lids,
some sort of an electronic pitchfork,
and he reads on one of them billboards in that grave-yard,
it say, "Dis is Scrooge, the baddest cat that ever lived.
He don't have nothin' he ain't got nothin' and he ain't got nothin now."
Period
And Scrooge looked at it and . . .
They're going to another place,
and there's a cat say "You goin' to the funeral?"
and he say, "Not me, man, I wouldn't go near that cat, dead or alive.
They couldn't pay me to get near that cat."
Say, "What cat is that?"
And suddenly Scrooge is takin' in the coffin factory
and seeing all these coffins layin' around,
and see one coffin,
all the rest of 'em got flowers around
'n 'dis poor little coffin got nothin on it but just some pinewood boards
an' old Scrooge look up and over and he's lookin' at this and that
and look all away 'cause he knows who is in dat coffin.
Zooooommmm.
He's swings on back again and the ghost puts him down
and old Scrooge is shakin' and shiverin'
and he finally falls into a real wild, crazy miser's coma.
And he falls out for how long he don't know
when and he wakes up and
Mornin'!
Aaaaahh, the sun was shinin' on the glorious snow
and old Scrooge is feelin' so groovey 'n so wired
and he tip tip tip tip tip toes over to the window.
He open the window, see a little cat, he say, "Hey, boy."
"Yes, sir."
"You know that great big giant king-size bird
down in Doodley's window?"
"You mean the prize bird?"
"No," he say, "I mean that great big king-size bird."
Say, "Go get that bird. Here's a twenty."
He knocks a twenty on him. "Go get dat bird.
And here's ten more for a cab,
an here's five dollar for your sister,
and here's twenty-two-fifty for your uncle's new bicycle.
Tell anyone who wants anything, 'See Scrooge.'
I'm flyin' this here Christmas.
I want to see Cratchit swing out
with a great big swingin' happy dinner.
I'm wid it all da way!"
An' old Scrooge get dressed and he's walkin' down the street,
and Ding Dong, Ding Dong Ding, the bells is ringin'.
Scrooge got a big smile on his face,
and people he's seen for twenty years never said hello,sayin'
"Good morning, Mr. Scrooge."
"What you say, Baby?"
An' he carryin' on, carryin' on, happy as the day is long.
And he finally fell into old Bob Cratchit's place
and he's got Christmas toys and Christmas joys
and Christmas presents for everybody.
And they'd just opened the goose,
and then little Tiny Tim see him comin',
he say, "God bless Mr. Scrooge.
He done did the turn about.
He's the Lord's boy today."
And that's the story of Scrooge.
You can get wid it if you want to.
There's only one way straight to the Road of Love.
---o0o---
by Lord Buckley
"Yes, me, I'm Scrooge and I got all Marley's barley,
and I'm the baddest cat in all dis world.
I been studyin' all my life how to Scrooge people,
and I guarantee I done some fine work in dat direction.
"Cratchit!"
"Yes, sir."
"You busy?"
"I shorely is, sir."
"See dat you keep busy.
Don't want no danglin' wanglin' around here.
Keep everybody tight.
And tell dem two cats come in here want to get some money
I ain't givin' no money away.
"Dey messin' wit Scrooge.
I'm takin' it in. I ain't puttin' it out.
Issat clear?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, keep it clear. People comin' around here
wantin' my gold dat's all, tryin' to pry into my vault.
Every time I turn around somebody's tryin' to snap...
"Tell my nephew I don't want to have no dinner wid him
an' if he never comes in here again dat'll be too soon."
"I'll tell de cat."
"See dat ya do.
"I don't understand dese people who are after my gold.
I close up dis here place and den dey ...
"What, what? Yeah, let me tell you somethin else -
You think that you gonna get off Christmas day?"
"Well I was hopin', sir, dat you'd let me knock off just a little while
for Christmas Eve cause I want to go home and cool da goose."
"Well if you gonna get off Christmas Eve
you gonna have to work aaalllll day Christmas.
You hear me?"
"I hear ya, sir. I'm wid it."
"Well I guess I'll go on home here."
So Scrooge takes off and he cuts on down the street.
And the snow's blowin' and da winds is wooooooooin',
and Scrooge is goin' along in his loose soul
and his loose clothes and his hard cash box
and his big money mind goin' on in his wig
and he ding ding ding up da stairs
and he open his door and he gets inside
and he puts a double lock on da door
cause he a little bugged tonight.
He bein' sayin' "Humbug" so long, "Humbug dis," an' "Humbug dat,"
he done give himself a natural Humbug.
He's got da bug hummin' in him, see.
So he double-lock da door.
And he sit dere and all of a sudden
dere's an old bell layin' over dere in the corner
and da bell goes, "ding-ding-ding-ding"
and Scrooge say, "Whassat?"
Dang- dong. "Whassat?"
Bell started ringin' "DING DONG DOONG DOONG"
Pretty soon all da bells all over the house started ringin'
"Ding Ding Dang Dang Dong
Ring Dong Boom Boom, Ding dong,
Boom boom"
And he hear somethin'
like some chain cats are pullin'
all da chains from the chains of time
up the hill 'a strife ringing' and dinglin'
wid his whole head ringin' and dingin' wid dem chains.
And bloooop!
In come a cat, da wildest lookin' cat ya ever see in his life.
Real gone cat.
And Scrooge does a real wild take
"I know who dat stud is - dat's Marley!
I know dat's Marley!
What's he doin' here? Say, Marley?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Man, you sure chained up dere,
man, you got chainsville all over you dere!"
"Well, I put em on myself, dat's da way I lived it.
I chained myself. I hung myself up wid all dese chains, you know,
bein' parsimonious, ya understand what I mean?
I can't get 'em off now.
I been luggin' dese chains all over da country
for the past seven years."
"Dat's a long time.
What's you want wit me dere, Marley Marley?
cause I got your barley."
"I don't mess wid no barley no more.
I wish I'd given it all away when I had it
and I'm gonna tell you somethin' else, too,
I'm a spook, you know dat."
"You tellin' me. I know dat.
You a spook, man, an' I wanna get straight."
"I'm gonna tell you somethin else, too, Mr. Scroogie Scrooge,
Dere gonna be three more gas lightin' spooks comin' in to see you."
"Three more gas lightin' spooks.
Say, one spook's enough.
Can't I have 'em all at one time?"
"No. Dey comin' one at a time.
First one be eleven,
next one be twelve,
next one'll be one."
"Man, if I had known this..."
"Tell you what. You dig, Scrooge, it's what you puttin' down.
You been a real sorry cat all dis time.
You gonna be gassed now by dese spooks."
"Well, dey say if I gotta be gassed..
Ain't gonna cost me no money, is it?"
"Cost you more 'n dat, Scrooge."
"Dey ain't no more den money!"
"You find out."
Brrrrt.
And Marley split.
And old Scrooge is sittin' dere sweatin' and dinglin' danglin'.
And all of a sudden, man,
he hears some crazy wild kind of a thing goin' on.
He don't know just what it is and all of a sudden . . .
Boom
Here comes a great big fat spook,
look like takes a hundred and seventy wings
lift him off over da house top
and he's got de old beat up cat and spandly legs,
and strangly arms and pedicured eyes,
and a whole out of his skull wiggin' up a storm
and he looks at old Scrooge and he says...
Scrooge is standin' dere in the corner
he feel like a disrupted small disregarded
and unclaimed white mice midget-style,
he's sittin' over dere.
And dis spook say, "Come wid me
'cause I is The Ghost of da Christmas Past!"
And Scrooge say, "Do I hafta?"
Say, "You certainly do!"
And he got on the ghost's wing and - brrt - they took off.
And he's flyin' old Scrooge over da top of da mountain
da wind is blowin', da wind is partin' his way,
and he's lookin' down, and seein' all dese crazy scenes goin' on.
Zoom!
He goes over a few more miles
Takes him down to a sun-lit pasture.
And da sun-lit pasture's full of children,
and de're singin' and dancin' and lovin' and goin' and swingin'
and Scrooge say, "Look, look, look! Dat's me down dere!"
"Yeah, dat's you, dat's you."
"I look pretty good"
"Yeah but ya don't look good now,"
He say, "I wanna hip you gotta get yourself ?
Zoom!
He takes him over to another place
and he shows him a pretty little chick
got dimples, three dimples on each chin,
and she got three little dimpled children,
and the next little dimple on da way,
and dere's a real swingin' cat around there,
and it's a happy time,
looks like seventeen carnivals takin' off.
An' Scrooge look at dis chick and say,
"I remember dat chick. I could 'a married her once."
"Yeah, you coulda if you wasn't so tight wid your purse.
You all was thinkin' about yourself, dat's what happened."
Say, "Let me hip you further, Mister Scrooge,
Let me tell you one thing:
you better get everything straight that you wanna
and you better straighten up."
"An' take me home."
"Yeah, I will."
Brrrrm Boom
And he's home again.
So man, that was a shaker.
This whole thing, this whole thing is shakin' me up pretty bad.
He say, I want to tell you right now . . .
Boom!
Here comes another big spook
Ooooohhhh He's a wild lookin' spook.
He's a crazy lookin' spook.
He's a far-out spook, he's a gas-light spook.
He's got a gas light right on the top of his wig
goin' around like one of them dramatic ? pilot lights
in a light house and he's there gassin' up the whole scene.
He say "Come with me. I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present"
And Scrooge look around and sees
the joint is loaded with apples and bananas and oranges and,
and credalies and acralonchs and ripalips
all kinds of crazy wild grapes and crazy Chistmas scenes
and nuts and candy.
And he say, "Come wid me."
Brrrrrttt.
Done took off again,
He said "I am The Ghost of Christmas Present."
He say, "I'm gonna show you what's goin' on in dis world
and how to dig Christmas and how to all enjoy
And he took him up to a little old outcast.
And there sittin on a small beat-up rock
was two studs chompin' up on a can 'a beans singin',
"Merry Christmas widch you,
Merry Christmas widch you.
Merry Christmas to the whole world"
And so on and so forth.
And he showin' him the people jumpin' for joy,
see how the cats that ain't got nothin' got somethin' anyway,
and they're all jumpin' for joy singin' "Merry Christmas," and da bells is ringin'.
Now you get yourself straight and see how things is ....
So they fly over da Cratchit's place,
there little old Tiny Tim, He's sittin' over in the corner
crochetin' a little crazy scene,
fiddlin' around, ya know what I mean?
An carryin' on, see,
and they are all talkin' about this here goose,
and dey look down here and this little goose
about the size of a beat up retarded sparrow,
and everybody's ooohin' and aahhhin' all over dis goose,
and day sayin' when are we gonna spread it,
and Tiny Tim say, "God bless everyone,
and even up to and including Scroogy Scrooge.
God bless everyone!" That's what Tiny Tim say.
And old Scrooge got red-eyed.
Brrrrt .
Took 'im back again.
Sound like the whole side 'a the buildin' open up
and in come a long angular spook
seventeen gas lights and stove pipes
hung together with
jingle jangle bells all over
Scrooge takes a look at this cat,
Says, "Do I have to go with you?"
He says, "You certainly do, 'cause I'm The Ghost of Christmas Future."
He say, "Come wid me."
Say, "Where we goin'?"
"None 'o your business!"
He takes old Scrooge they cut off flyin' around
the moonlight is shinin' down.
Booom!
They're in the grave-yard.
Oooh a wild OOOOoooohhhh
crazy spooky graveyard
and Scrooge is walkin' around
and finally something stepped out at him
like he was struck with the force of his eye lids,
some sort of an electronic pitchfork,
and he reads on one of them billboards in that grave-yard,
it say, "Dis is Scrooge, the baddest cat that ever lived.
He don't have nothin' he ain't got nothin' and he ain't got nothin now."
Period
And Scrooge looked at it and . . .
They're going to another place,
and there's a cat say "You goin' to the funeral?"
and he say, "Not me, man, I wouldn't go near that cat, dead or alive.
They couldn't pay me to get near that cat."
Say, "What cat is that?"
And suddenly Scrooge is takin' in the coffin factory
and seeing all these coffins layin' around,
and see one coffin,
all the rest of 'em got flowers around
'n 'dis poor little coffin got nothin on it but just some pinewood boards
an' old Scrooge look up and over and he's lookin' at this and that
and look all away 'cause he knows who is in dat coffin.
Zooooommmm.
He's swings on back again and the ghost puts him down
and old Scrooge is shakin' and shiverin'
and he finally falls into a real wild, crazy miser's coma.
And he falls out for how long he don't know
when and he wakes up and
Mornin'!
Aaaaahh, the sun was shinin' on the glorious snow
and old Scrooge is feelin' so groovey 'n so wired
and he tip tip tip tip tip toes over to the window.
He open the window, see a little cat, he say, "Hey, boy."
"Yes, sir."
"You know that great big giant king-size bird
down in Doodley's window?"
"You mean the prize bird?"
"No," he say, "I mean that great big king-size bird."
Say, "Go get that bird. Here's a twenty."
He knocks a twenty on him. "Go get dat bird.
And here's ten more for a cab,
an here's five dollar for your sister,
and here's twenty-two-fifty for your uncle's new bicycle.
Tell anyone who wants anything, 'See Scrooge.'
I'm flyin' this here Christmas.
I want to see Cratchit swing out
with a great big swingin' happy dinner.
I'm wid it all da way!"
An' old Scrooge get dressed and he's walkin' down the street,
and Ding Dong, Ding Dong Ding, the bells is ringin'.
Scrooge got a big smile on his face,
and people he's seen for twenty years never said hello,sayin'
"Good morning, Mr. Scrooge."
"What you say, Baby?"
An' he carryin' on, carryin' on, happy as the day is long.
And he finally fell into old Bob Cratchit's place
and he's got Christmas toys and Christmas joys
and Christmas presents for everybody.
And they'd just opened the goose,
and then little Tiny Tim see him comin',
he say, "God bless Mr. Scrooge.
He done did the turn about.
He's the Lord's boy today."
And that's the story of Scrooge.
You can get wid it if you want to.
There's only one way straight to the Road of Love.
---o0o---
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