Painting: Marilyn Monroe

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Drawing: More heads, part 89

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"We Are Not At War With Islam" - POTUS

By Jack Brummet

arts, paranormal, and poetry editor

In his first visit to a mostly Islamic country, President Obama in Turkey said that the U.S. "is not and never will be at war with Islam."

Wow. We've been waiting eight years to hear someone say that, aloud. POTUS/VPOTUS Bush and Cheney could never actually bring themselves to say those words. . .because they didn't really, in their heart of hearts, believe them.

President BHO was working it hard to mend the frayed ties with our longtime NATO ally Turkey and to reach out to the larger Muslim world. I spent a lot of time in Turkey last summer, and the one thing I carried away was that they had no beef with America; their problem was with George Bush and Dick Cheney. Thanks, Mister President, for clearing this up, after all this time. They're glad to know it, I am most assuredly glad to know it, and I think the world needed to hear it from the horse's mouth.

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Video: Band of Horses "Is There A Ghost?" (with lyrics)

I have really been excited by some of the music coming out of Seattle these days. Particularly Band of Horses, The Moondoggies, Dusty 45s, and Throw Me The Statue. I saw Band of Horses last summer at Bumbershoot, and they put on a raucous and great show. Their new album Cease To Begin is an amazing leap ahead from their first (very good) album. The video is odd, no question, but this is a great song, and the more I listen to this album, the more I like it.

Lyrically, this song stunned me. As you can see from the lyrics below, it is really just the three lines repeated. Fourteen words! And yet, somehow, it comes across as a narrative. How do they do that?! As for the video. . .how can you not like a video themed around a pillow fight? And all colorful pillows, at that.




Is There A Ghost?
by Band of Horses

I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?

I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
My house...

I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
My house...

I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
I could sleep
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
When I lived alone
Is there a ghost in my house?
My house...
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Happy Birthday, Twinkies!

Seventy-nine years ago today, James Dewar, a bakery manager for Hostess, invented Twinkies (1930). Dewar didn't like the idea that the bakery's shortcake pans were only used during strawberry shortcake season. He decided to to use the pans year 'round and developed a banana-filled Twinkie cake. In the World War II banana shortage/rationing, a vanilla-ish filling replaced the banana. Now, 500 million Twinkies are produced each year. I haven't tasted one in 30 some years, but I can still remember exactly how they taste (and the textures).

"The Twinkie defense" became famous when Dan White, who assassinated San Francisco mayor George Moscone and city supervisor Harvey Milk, said that he snapped due to heavy consumption of candy and Twinkies.

There is an often repeated urban legend that Twinkies are so nuclear they last forever. In one small classroom experiment at George Stevens Academy, a single Twinkie, removed from all packaging, did not spoil for 30 years, although it became "rather brittle". In an episode of Family Guy, Peter claims that the only things to survive nuclear attacks are cockroaches and Twinkies.

According to the Hostess website, Christopher Sell invented the "fried Twinkie" at the Chip Shop, his restaurant in Brooklyn, New York. It was described by the New York Times: "Something magical occurs when the pastry hits the hot oil. The creamy white vegetable shortening filling liquefies, impregnating the sponge cake with its luscious vanilla flavor. . . The cake itself softens and warms, nearly melting, contrasting with the crisp, deep-fried crust in a buttery and suave way. The shop adds its own ruby-hued berry sauce, which provides a bit of tart sophistication."

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Digital art: Frances

click to enlarge

A painting of one of my oldest friends, Frances. The source was a headshot photo of her on her biz web site. . .

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Poem: War itself

1
War itself often
Becomes more important

Than the reasons
For which the war is fought.

Every poor boy
Trundles off in starched fatigues,

And at war’s end,
The win goes to those who lost least.

2
Men of war
Weep and lament

Or laugh at the perished
And the blood they shed.

The dead come back
To haunt them.

Spooks attach themselves
To the victors like a conjoined twin.

3
I wonder what happened
To the Armies Of The Night

Tilting against The Power
And maybe ending a war?

How hard can it be
To do it again

Just this one time,
As Tessio said,

Letting ourselves off the hook
For old times' sake?
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Painting of Stephen Clarke-Willson

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The photo of Stephen Clarke-Willson on which this is based was shot in Hollywood sometime in the early/mid 2000's. Stephen Clarke-Willson, among many other things, is the author of Nano-plasm.
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A Salute to William Henry Harrison, The President who died before he could do too much damage

By Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Editor


click to enlarge

William Henry Harrison (February 9, 1773 – April 4, 1841) was the ninth President of the United States. He had earlier been a Governor (of the Indiana Territory) and later as a U.S. Representative and Senator from Ohio. He first gained fame as an "Indian fighter," where he acquired the nickname Old Tippecanoe. When he took office, he was the oldest President ever, until Ronald Reagan's inauguration. He belong to the Whig party.

Harrison is probably best remembered for dying after a month in office. I can think of a few other Presidents I wished had followed his lead on that. His death threw the country into a constitutional crisis, from which we ultimately developed the Presidential succession protocols outlined in with 25th Amendment.
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Story: The Captain's Pants

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on, however, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marvelling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, ten of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

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Painting: Link a/k/a Abraham Lincoln

click Link to enlarge...

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Mystery solved: where did the hilarious "taffy piper" audio track come from?

I first heard an audio clip of this on Luke Burbank's show Too Beautiful To Live. I finally found out where it's from, thanks to Joe Bonar. Here is a clip of the piece from the MTV program Human Giant. . .

Human Giant - Montana Meth - watch more funny videos

If the embedded player doesn't work, jump here to watch the video.

Four takes:

• methamphetamines, ice crank, some even call it the devil's drug, angel, drizzle, some even call it hell's snowflake,
  
  
• methamphetamines, asian ladies, gene wilder's screaming ball sack on a fireboat in lake chunky
  
  
• methamphetamines, purple puppy penises, the worst sunburn you'll ever have,
  
  
• taffy pipers, the baby's got a tummyache, slinky pies, dinosaur cheerleaders, hairstyles for hobos, smokable graham crackers, hey I found some change in the sofa, a hopeless sandwich with a despair pickle on the side, dentures for crocodiles, pilgrim food, tummy tumblers, tie-dyed lobster bibs...

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Video: Bobby Bare Jr. and Sr. perform their Grammy winning his "Daddy What If" (with lyrics)

I saw Bobby Bare, Jr. last Friday in Ballard (click here to read the story). This is a video and song he did with his poppa, Bobby Bare, some thirty years earlier. Wow.

Daddy What If

By Bobby Bare

(Daddy what if the sun stop shinin' what would happen then)
If the sun stopped shinin' you'd be so surprised
You'd stare at the heavens with wide open eyes
And the wind would carry your light to the skies
And the sun would start shinin' again
(Daddy what if the wind stopped blowin' what would happen then)
If the wind stopped blowin' then the land would be dry
And your boat wouldn't sail son and your kite wouldn't fly
And the grass would see your troubles and she'd tell the wind
And the wind would start blowin' again
(But daddy what if the grass stopped growin' what would happen then)
If the grass stopped growin' why you'd probably cry
And the ground would be watered by the tears from your eyes
And like your love for me the grass would grow so high
Yes the grass would start growin' again
(But daddy what if I stopped lovin' you what would happen then)
If you stopped lovin' me then the grass would stop growin'
The sun would stop shinin' and the wind would stop blowin'
So you see if you wanna keep this old world a goin'
You better start lovin' me again again you better start lovin' me again
You hear me Bobby you better start lovin' me again
You love me Bobby you better start lovin' me again
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Music Video: The Talking Heads perform Slippery People

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Ted Stevens escapes the hangman's noose and the hunters become the hunted

illustration by jack brummet

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

The Justice Department moved today to drop all charges against former Senator and current douchebag Ted Stevens of Alaska, who just barely lost his seat last year after being convicted on seven felony counts of ethics violations.

Stevens faced serious prison time over the charges. But the judge, Emmet Sullivan, has been reluctant to stick him in the hoosegow, because of the earlier accusations of prosecutorial misconduct.

In an utterly depressing and incredible new development (about which rumors have bounced around for months), Justice Department lawyers told a federal court that they had discovered yet another instance of prosecutorial misconduct (it must have been egregious!) in the case and asked that the convictions be voided. Attorney General Eric F. Holder Jr. said that "in the interests of justice," there would be no new trial.

And, now, the hunters become the hunted (there may be a little justice after all). It appears that at least some of the prosecutors who tried Stevens on ethics charges would now face ethics charges themselves and be sent to a "don't drop your soap" federal prison.
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