Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Drawing by Jack Brummet: Faces No. 54


Faces No. 54 by Jack Brummet - click to enlarge
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Evan Bayh slips a shiv to the President & Democrats, decides to make some real $$$, or maybe just run for President?


by Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Correspondent

I just wrote a 1,500 word piece about this topic that has now disappeared in Blogger. The title alone remains. How can you be angry about losing two and a half hours of work? Only a fool puts his full trust in a computer, as I've learned many times over the years. I remain the fool.

Let me just say after I lost all that profundity that a) Senator Mikulski is also rumored to be announcing she is stepping down this week; b) Evan Bayh caught both Harry Reid and BHO unaware of his plans (a nice public "Screw You" according to one pundit)); c) it is an amazing turn of events when a Senator with a $13 million war chest, way way ahead in the polls, and no looming sex or graft scandal throws in the towel; d) Huffington and others (like me) think he is biding his time for a run at the white house, of things go the right way; e) the Dems now stand the possibility of not only losing their filibuster-proof supermajority, but majority status period!; f) with a supermajority Obama was unable to pass any serioius legislation at all, let alone a health bill; g) this may not be a mortal wound to Obama, but unless he turns this around very very quickly, he could slowly bleed out well before 2012.
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Monday, February 15, 2010

The Head

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor informed the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms, or legs. The son was just a head!

But the dad loved his son and raised him as well as he could. Eighteen years later, the son was old enough for his first drink. The dad took him to a bar, tearfully told him he was proud of him, and ordered the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously, the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso popped out!

The bar was dead silent, then burst into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" The bartender shook his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms popped out!

The bar went wild. The father, crying and wailing, begged his son to drink again. The patrons chanted, "Take another drink! Take another drink!" But the bartender ignored the whole affair.

By this time, the boy was getting tipsy. With his new hands, he reached down, grabbed the drink, and guzzled the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs popped out.

The bar was in chaos. The father wept with joy. The boy stood up on his new legs. He stumbled to the left. He stumbled to the right. Then he stumbled through the front door and into the street, where a truck ran him over.

The bar fell silent. The father moaned with grief. The bartender merely sighed and said, "He should have quit while he was a head."

An astounding guitar performance by Tommy Emmanuel

A stunning YouTube video clip of Tommy Emmanuel playing his Guitar Boogie & Stevie's Blues at a show at Copper Mountain, CO. July 30th 2006.  Wow.


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Drawing: Faces No. 63 - Cube Farm, Section 11-B

click to enlarge
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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Taking Up A Collection For President Obama

On my way back to my hotel in Washington, D.C., I was caught in a hellish traffic jam. I asked a cop walking between cars "hey, what's going on?"

The officer said "the President is depressed. He stopped his motorcade and threatened to douse himself with gasoline and torch it. He says no one believes his stories about the war in Afghanistan, or that his stimulus money will help anyone except corporations. His health plan is a joke. Even the press is piling on now, he said. So, anyhow, we're taking up a collection for him."

"How much have you got so far?" I asked.

The officer replied, "About 14 gallons, but I think a lot of folks are still siphoning."
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Friday, February 12, 2010

Joe Klein explains in Time why Sarah Palin is a threat

By Pablo Fanque, All This Is That National Affairs Editor



Joe Klein hit it on the head in this week's Time Magazine.  He was right about Clinton, and he's right about why Sarah Palin is geting traction with much of that same demographic. 

"I have a theory about Bill Clinton: his philandering worked in his favor politically, especially with a demographic chunk that usually shies away from liberalism: American working guys. It made him more accessible. Here was a fellow who got it on with faded lounge singers and then celebrated with a Double Quarter Pounder and fries at the local McDonald's. If that ain't pickup-truck nirvana, what is? Democrats haven't produced many such men of the people; they produce law-professor presidents, a theme Palin launched in Nashville that we will be hearing a lot more frequently in the future."
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Alien Lore No. 168 - Scientology and Aliens



I didn't realize that Scientology was, more or less, based upon Alien Visitors.  Scientology was started by L. Ron Hubbard in 1952 (the word means"the study of truth" in Latin), and is based on a belief--like many other religions--that man is"an immortal, spiritual being."

Their website is here.

Scientology believes that man's abilities are unlimited.  No one is asked to believe or accept anything.  "That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true."

In Scientology, The Thetans are immortal beings attached to human bodies that span multiple lifetimes. All humans consist of the body, the mind, and the Thetan itself, "which is the spirit, or you." Scientologists believe that the Thetans are the foundation of all human beings.



















75 million years ago, Xenu, the alien leader of the Galactic Confederation, came to Earth to drop off a large number of alienns.   They set off a hydrogen bomb, which fused the Thetans to whatever was left of the humans after the H-bomb blast. 

The Scientologists, by the way, do not believe in psychology or psychiatry.  This is not completely shocking coming from a group that believes humans are the children of an H-bomb, cavemen, and a horde of aliens.

As you know, the church has a passel of celebrities as members.  Four that come to mind are John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Kirstie Alley.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Huh? I don't know why this works (or doesn't work, actually)


Do the following calculations:

Take 1000 and add 40 to it.



Now add another 1000.


Now add 30.


Add another 1000.


Now add 20.


Now add another 1000.


Now add 10.
________________________________________




What is the total? Scroll down for answer..



















Is this weird, or what?   Did you get 5000?  The correct answer is actually 4100.  Try it on your calculator now. . .
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Drawing: Faces No. 82 - Mutants

Click to enlarge:  drawing by Jack Brummet
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Government stimulus: the joke

By Pablo Fanque
Al This Is That Nation Affairs Editor















It is fascinating seeing photos of Republican Senators and Representatives, who gave speeches denouncing the "stimulus package," handing out stimulus $$$.  Hundreds of web sites and blogs have posted pictures of the stimulus detractors back home, posing with gigantic--think of the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes--faux checks they hand over to their constituents businesses. 
Which reminds me of a joke I heard not along ago. I don't know if they classify jokes like they do folk takes, but this would definitely be Joke 22A. . .you've heard it before, cast in a different light.

The New “Stimulus” Package


Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.


All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”


The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.”


The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?”


The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.”


“Done!” replies the government official.
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Jack Brummet Drawing: Faces No. 48

click to enlarge
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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Drawing: Faces No. 83: meetingMeetingMEETING

Click to enlarge
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Sons - an old internet/email meme


I know this has to be a tired old internet/email meme that got passed around forever and was probably pockmarked by a string of carats by the time you read it.  But I didn't see it. . .until yesterday.  It provides some interesting insights into boys, and those among us who grow up to be men, more or less.  I admit, I am still thinking about mixing brake fluid and chlorine...
__________________

For people who have sons; and those of us who are happy that we don't.




You may find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.


2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.


3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.


5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.


8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.


9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.


10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.


11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.


12. Super glue is forever.


13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.


14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.


15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.


16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.


18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.


19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.


20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.


21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.


22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.


25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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Monday, February 08, 2010

Jack Brummet drawing: Faces No. 116 - the numbered

click to enlarge
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Sarah Palin rocks the house at the Tea Party in Nashville. Not that hard, since everyone else dropped out.


So,  maybe we were wrong when we said authoritatively that the Ex-Governor hired a ghost writer with her new-found millions. 

"Say he played the war card, say he decided to declare war on Iran or decided to really come out and do whatever he could to support Israel which I would like him to do, but that changes the dynamics on what we can assume is going to happen between now and three years because I think if the election were today, I do not think that Obama would be re-elected."  - Sarah Palin, on Saturday.
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Sunday, February 07, 2010

Poem: The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile by Jack Brummet

We recently wrote about what we hoped might be a new shot at a tenth planet (disregarding for now the fact that scientists last year "demoted" Pluto).  A couple years ago, we published a poem by Jack on what was then the current candidate for the Tenth Planet:


The Tenth Planet, or an incredible facsimile
by Jack Brummet


Is it a planet or not?
It depends on
What it's orbiting around.

A planet must orbit a star.
Round objects floating freely
Through space don't count.

If an object orbits a much larger object
That is not a star
Then it's not a planet either.

Scientists are slated to announce
Very soon whether or not that rock
Floating out there is the tenth planet

Or not.
If it isn't
Then what?
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Saturday, February 06, 2010

Poem: When Evil Fails

In the end, evil konks out
Like a squid simmered in its own ink,
Because evil fails the moment


It overwhelms the good,
Consuming the very energy
To which it owed its duration.
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Friday, February 05, 2010

Alien Lore No. 167 - The Tenth Planet On Its Way? Hubble Observes P/2010 A2 traveling at 11,000 miles per hour

Thanks to Jeff Clinton for referring this story.  It appeared on Gizmodo originally, but we used mostly the Hubble and NASA sites for info.  Photo reproduced courtesy of NASA, and You, the American Taxpayer.


The Hubble recently uncovered a weird X-shaped object traveling through space at around 11,000 mph. NASA says that P/2010-A2 is probably be a comet or the aftermath of a collision between two asteroids. [Editor's note, unless my math is wrong, they could be here in a year or so??]

This NASA Hubble Space Telescope photo below shows a comet-like P/2010 A2, which was first discovered by the LINEAR (Lincoln Near-Earth Asteroid Research program) sky survey on January 6.


The object appears so odd in ground-based telescopic images that NASA decided to book a little time on Hubble to take a closer look. This January 29 picture shows a "bizarre X-pattern of filamentary structures near the point-like nucleus of the object and trailing streamers of dust," according to NASA


The inset picture suggests the object is not a comet but instead the product of a head-on collision between two asteroids.  ASA says that astronomers have "long thought that the asteroid belt is being ground down through collisions, but such a smashup has never before been seen."

At the time of the Hubble observations, the object was approximately 180 million miles from the Sun and 90 million  from Earth.   The bottom line on P/2010 A2 is that no one who is supposed to know has any idea where it came from or where it's going.  Naturally, we at All This Is That believe that it is the fabled Tenth Planet, come home to join us, rescue us, or invade us.
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The Supermarket

A guy goes to the supermarket and a beautiful blond woman waves at him and says hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't remember where he knows her from.

He says, "Do you know me?"

She smiles and says

"I think you're the father of one of my kids."

He is, of course, stunned. His mind reels back to the one time he was unfaithful to his wife.

"You're the stripper from my bachelor party? I remember. We had sex on the pool table while your partner whipped me with wet celery."

She smiles and says,


"No.  I'm your son's math teacher."
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Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Senator "Crazy" Joe Lieberman, on going it Republican style in 2012

Dear GOP:

I hope you enjoy that treacherous, sawed-off dingbat as much as we have!

Love,


Pablo Fanque
National Affairs Editor


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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Drawing by Jack Brummet: Faces No. 82: Pairs

click to enlarge
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Dr. Wu by Steely Dan (from Katy Lied), with lyrics




Katy tried
I was halfway crucified
I was on the other side
Of no tomorrow
You walked in
And my life began again
Just when I'd spent the last piaster
I could borrow
All night long
We would sing that stupid song
And every word we sang
I knew was true

Are you with me Doctor Wu
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew
Are you crazy are you high
Or just an ordinary guy
Have you done all you can do
Are you with me Doctor

Don't seem right
I've been strung out here all night
I've been waiting for the taste
You said you'd bring to me
Biscayne Bay
Where the Cuban gentlemen sleep all day
I went searching for the song
You used to sing to me
Katy lies
You could see it in her eyes
But imagine my surprise
When I saw you

Are you with me Doctor Wu
Are you really just a shadow
Of the man that I once knew
She is lovely yes she's sly
And you're an ordinary guy
Has she finally got to you
Can you hear me Doctor
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Monday, February 01, 2010

One of the 100 most misspelled words in the English language is misspelled

One of the 100 most mispelled misspelled words in the English language is "misspelled."   "misspell - What is more embarrassing than to misspell the name of the problem? Just remember that it is mis + spell and that will spell you the worry about spelling 'spell.' " Click here for Dictionary.com's list of those 100 words.
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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Relativity & Politics by Albert Einstein

"All of us who are concerned for peace and triumph of reason and justice must be keenly aware how small an influence reason and honest good will exert upon events in the political field"  ~Albert Einstein
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Justice Alito's mugging for the camera was no better than Joe Wilson's outburst

A quick note from Pablo Fanque,
All This Is That National Affairs Editor

Wasn't Justice Alito's scowl & mouthing "not true" at the camera maybe even worse than Rep. Wilson's "You lie" earlier this year? Step down, you contemptible, windbag and take Scalia with you...preferably feet first.
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Palin fans wait on line to meet the Ex-Governor


Palin fans line up to meet Ex-Governor at the mall (from America's Finest News Source). 
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Friday, January 29, 2010

Travel shots: getting poked for health



I stopped in at the Dr. yesterday for eight shots in preparation for my trip to India in March (Mumbai, Aurangabad, Pune, Hyderabad, and Udaipur). I was pocked with eight various vaccines: Polio, a seasonal 'flu shot, H1N1, Diphtheria, Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, Typhoid, Whooping Cough, and Tetanus. And I still have to go back for a couple of booster shots before I leave, and fill two prescriptions, one for Malaria, and another antibiotic for intestinal disorders.

You gotta wonder just a little what your body really thinks about the eight new vaccines swimming around in your system. Are there other cooties in there, going oh man, I can't even remain dormant with this stuff coming at me? Is there actually like a war of he bugs going on in your body? I mean the vaccines have to have something to do, right? Or do they just keep a benign watch, waiting for a polio or tetanus virus to sneak in?
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Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Best Obama Speech Yet

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor



I liked BHO's speech last night; it was his best speech yet, because it was the hardest. I liked the plaintive (as opposed to soaring) tone, liked that he hit at what he inherited, ripped into the GOP leadership, as well as the Democrats and the bi-party electioneering/posing and factionalism. Change 2.0. We could still get it right.

From another President's state of the union:

"Shit. I know shit's bad right now, with all that starving bullshit, and the dust storms, and we are... running out of french fries and burrito coverings. But I got a solution."


- President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, in Idiocracy
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Raucous/picaresque/books that always make me laugh and smile

Here are some of the books I return to over and over in the moments when I need a laugh.

Henry IV, Part I - William Shakespeare
A Cool Million - Nathaniel West
Gargantua and Pantagruel - Francois Rabelais
The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman - Laurence Sterne
Amerika - Franz Kafka
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
Ball Four - Jim Bouton
Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis
Moo - Jane Smiley
The Adventures of Peregrine Pickle - Tobias Smollett
Bonfire of the Vanities - Tom Wolfe
The Good Soldier Schweik - Jaroslav Hasek
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
Rivethead - Ben Hamper
Blue Movie - Terry Southern
Most books by Carl Hiassen
Trout Fishing In America - Richard Brautigan
Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 1972 - Hunter S. Thompson
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David Dees' Takes on Politics, Economics, and Conspiracies

David Dees is an iconoclast. I don't really know if he is trolling, or serious. He's brilliant in either case. Kind thanks to David Dees for permission to reprint some of his work here...




















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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Obama brings Teleprompters to VA elementary school & avoids being tripped up by the tricksy 6th graders



By Jack Brummet

[ed's note: by Jack, largely because Pablo Fanque refused to have anything to do with this story. Is he getting soft on POTUS?]

This just seems so, uh, lame? Last week, BHO visited an elementary school class in Falls Church, Virginia. The sixth graders must have been a tough crowd. . .The President brought along two TelePrompTers.

I am probably reading too much into all this. There has to be some reason other than wanting to deliver a perfectly nuanced and cadenced speech. When you think about it, I bet George W. Bush would have skipped the prompters and fumbled through as best as he could (the autocue machine never did make him sound like an orator). With President Bush, you could understand teleprompters, but with President Obama, you know he could get through whatever speech he was delivering at the elementary school. On the other hand, no speech a President gives is confined to that room, as the press photos show. Even the most casual speech has the potential to end up broadcast to millions on the airwaves and cable networks...
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Photo: The Beatles fishing in Seattle

The Beatles fishing from their hotel window at Seattle's Edgewater Inn. You can still fish there. Led Zeppelin famously dropped a line, and Frank Zappa wrote his song "Mud Shark" about fishing there. . .


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My personal hero, Mr. Fenton


click to enlarge & actually be able to read it
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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Friday, January 22, 2010

The transit and eclipse of Ex-Senator John Edwards (thank God!)

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor


The Ex-Senator with his daughter

A couple years ago, Ex-Senator John Edwards was a serious presidential contender; a nice guy who spoke passionately for the poor and disenfranchised middle-Americans. [ed's note: Pablo Fanque was an early supporter of John Edwards] He was good looking, sunny even, optimistic, ran a clean campaign, didn't take cheap shots, and never ambushed or smeared anyone. He was an asset in the Kerry presidential campaign, particularly stacked up against Darth Cheney.

After years of prevarication, delusion, and denials, Edwards now admits he’s the father of an almost two-year old daughter and that he has been--as we all know--supporting his daughter and baby momma Rielle Hunter. He has not 'fessed up that he tried to get his pal and employee Andrew Young (not the Carter cabinet member/ambassador/pastor ) to take the fall for paternity. But that's OK. After being seriously burned by Edwards, Young decided to let the world in on just what went down. Yes, has his own axes to grind, but his story seems verisimilitudinous.

Edwards made his tawdry announcement in a press release (he’s in Haiti right now!). The country now knows he left his cancer-stricken wife at home and was on the campaign trail playing hide the salami with his videographer. When he was exposed, he spent the next two years engaged in an almost laughable cover-up. In 2007, the National Enquirer reported on Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter. The mainstream press barely touched the story until they had been scooped by the Enquirer and the story blew up in their faces.




"Game Change" describes Ex-Senator John Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, as the couple from hell. Tim Rutten, reviewing the book in the Chicago Tribune wrote: "As reported in these pages, he is delusional, megalomaniacal, self-absorbed and breathtakingly irresponsible; she is condescending, viciously insulting and shrewish -- Lady Macbeth with magnolias. It's hard to imagine two people whose public personas have been more at odds with the private reality than apparently has been the case with these people."

Even the bright and long suffering "St. Elizabeth" is on the griddle in the book. As far as I know, these are new revelations. . .at least people have kept the lid on them in the last couple of years.

The aide, Andrew Young, sold a book proposal to St. Martin’s Press for an undisclosed price late last summer (the book is coming out in Feb. 2010). The proposal promised to blow the lid off Edwards' deception. Mr. Young quotes Mr. Edwards, the Dem's 2004 VP nominee who ran for president in 2008, as begging him to confess to fathering Ms. Hunter’s baby. If he did, Edwards promised, "he would be taken care of for life."

Following John Edwards' mea culpa, we wish him the best of luck personally, and hope he can balance his families, wife, and Rielle Hunter. Politically, good riddance, and R.I.P.
---o0o---

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Faces Drawing No. 147 - by Jack Brummet

Drawing No. 147 finished last night
pen and ink on 24x24" muslin
by Jack Brummet





click to enlarge
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Faces Drawing No. 86

Faces Drawing No. 86 by Jack Brummet

Pen, ink, and acrylic on 24x24" muslin




click to enlarge
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A huge G.O.P.victory & bad news for BHO on his first anniversary as President


"BOSTON – A year to the day after his inauguration, Barack Obamaand his Democratic allies are suddenly scrambling to save his signature health care overhaul and somehow rediscover their political magic after an epic loss in the Massachusetts Senate race.

"Republican Scott Brown rode a wave of voter anger to beat Democrat Martha Coakley. The loss was a stunning embarrassment for the White House. It also signaled big political problems for the president's party this fall when House, Senate and gubernatorial candidates are on the ballot nationwide." Read the grim Associated Press story here

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