Rev. Haggard hauls out the old reliable "just the tip" and "I didn't inhale" defense

Evangelist Ted Haggard confessed today that he bought meth and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the outspoken gay marriage opponent. Reverend Haggard was, until this morning, head of the 30 million member National Association of Evangelicals, as well as his own megachurch, with a congregation 14,000 strong.

The Reverend resigned as head of the National Association of Evangelicals [1] and stepped down from the pulpit of his Colorado church while they check out the stories and allegations. Jones recently made the story public when he told a radio station of his three-year sexual relationship with the minister.



Haggard resorted to The Jimmy Swaggart ("I just put the tip in. Just the tip"), [2] and the Bill Clinton ("I never inhaled") defense. He denies actually having sex with Mike Jones, male prostitute, echoing the former President's "I never had sexual relations with that woman."



As for the methamphetamines, Ted Haggard told reporters he bought the meth "because I was curious." He threw it away. "I bought it for myself but never used it." he said. "I was tempted, but I never used it."
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[1] Curiously, the NAE's web site is now blank, and "under construction."
[2] Frank Zappa commemorated Swaggart's arrest in Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version):

I huff
And I puff
(Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche)
And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck
(Say, varmint!)
I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet
UH-OH!
Made a mistake this time!
Now I've sinned.
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Friends Don't Let Friends Vote Republican

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President Bush's Last Hurrah

click the propaganda poster to enlarge

The President is off into the hinterlands, delivering--for him--a firebrand speech hammering on the same old tired issues. I don't know what brain-spams caused these candidates to bring in POTUS when he is riding a sub-40 approval rate--but it can't hurt the Dem prospects!
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Poem: Changes 18/Fixing what has spoiled

It is progress
To cross the great water
The wind blows low on the mountain

A righteous leader
Roils the people
And strengthens their spirit

Not by obeying the laws and dictums
But by living
The Good Life

Setting right
What was spoiled by the father
And the mother

The righteous leader
Does not serve kings and princes
The laws on the books

Or Robert's Rules of Order
The righteous leader
Reports to a Higher Authority.
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Dr. Condoleezza Rice - Nude Photos update

A year and a half after I wrote this (Dr. Condoleezza Rice - Nude Photos), dozens of people still visit All This Is That searching for photos of the Secretary of State, unclad. Alas, guys and gals, other than a flash or two of thigh through her skirt slit, there appear to be none to be had.


Dr. Condoleezza Rice - Nude Photos
Did you arrive at All This Is That looking for photos of Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice, nude or in flagrante with men, women, or both? Google shows large numbers of people searching for hot Conde photos. If bona fide photos do exist, I know you, the denizens of the WWW, will find them. Happy Hunting! You'd probably find more interesting pictures of people who pose nekkid professionally, but if you're just interested in sexing up The White House, you're on the right path-- at least it seems preferable to a passel of photos of, say, Paul Wolfowitz or VPOTUS Dick Cheney.../jack---o0o---
posted by Jack Brummet at 1/20/2005 01:06:11 AM 2 comments links to this post
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DeLay, Abramoff, Santorum, Foley, and other GOP black sheep band together in a desperate last minute appeal

click advertisement to enlarge
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The Promised Land: Lyrics by Chuck Berry

I was never a big Chuck Berry fan, but The Promised Land is one of my favorites. . .it has been covered by many people, including James Taylor, The Band (on Moondog Matinee), and in dozens of live performances by The Grateful Dead.


The Promised Land
by Chuck Berry

Left my home in Norfolk, Virginia
California on my mind
Straddled that Greyhound
And rode it into Raleigh
And on across Caroline
We stopped in Charlotte
But we bypassed Rockhill
We never was a minute late
We were ninety miles out of Atlanta by sundown
Rolling out of Georgia state

Had some motor trouble
That turned into a struggle
Half way 'cross Alabam
That hound broke and left us
All stranded in downtown Birmingham

So right away I bought me a through train ticket
Right across Mississippi clean
And I was on that Special Flyer
Out of Birmingham
Smoking into New Orleans

Someone's got to help me get out of Louisiana
Just to help me get to Houston town
There's an uncle there who cares a little about me
And he won't let the poor boy down

Sure as you're born
He bought me a silk suit
Put some luggage in my hand
And I woke up high over Albuquerque
On a jet to the Promised Land

Working on a T-Bone steak
A la carte
Flying over to the Golden State
When the pilot told us that in thirteen minutes
He would have us at the terminal gate

Swing down chariot
Come down easy
Taxi to the terminal dome
Cut your engines
And cool your wings
And let me make it to the telephone

Los Angeles give me Norfolk, Virginia
Tidewater four-ten-O-nine
Tell the folks back home
This is the Promised Land calling
And the poor boy is on the line






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Further evidence that John Kerry is an imbecile

Reuters reported today that Democratic Sen. John Kerry apologized directly to U.S. troops for his comments about Iraq, and students, that had prompted a firestorm of criticism from Republicans and President George W. Bush.

Kerry said earlier in the day he was sorry for a "botched joke" about Bush that was interpreted as a slam on the U.S. military. Republicans, in their current pathetic position, immediately seized on Kerry's statement. . .as if that could somehow ameliorate the electoral slaughter they are facing next Tuesday.
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Growing Up & Having Grown-->True Tales from *All This Is That*

My cousin in law and friend, now spanning many decades (60s--00s), Kev, always hectors me to take the stories of my youth to the next level. . .especially the blue collar/hillbilly tales. He got me thinking about it. . .which may be the first step in actually doing it. I was inspired enough to go through the blog and see what I'd already accumulated. Here are the results:

The 50's

click to enlarge Johnnie Brummet, 1955

Fishing With The Old Man
Uncle Romey
Uncle Guy, more hillbilly cred, and living a good life
My Grandma's tavern in Carnation, Wash.
My Dog Slugger

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The 60's

Hucking Eggs in Kent, Washington

Square Dance At Valley Elementary

Foot Washing Baptists & The Catholic Devils

Hillbilly Cred

Growing Up In Kent, Washington: Tarheels, Hayseeds, Hillbillies, and Crackers


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The 70's

Cruising the Renton loop with a keg of nails

The Time I Got Drunk With Roy Rogers

My Worst Jobs: 50 Tons of Sand

My Worst Jobs: McGoo

My Pathetic Political Career

The Month They Tried To Kill Me

My Worst Jobs - Brewburger

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The 80's

Stopping By Richard Nixon's

Defensive Daydreaming (the only poem in these links, but one of my personal favorites)

Click to enlarge Claire and Jack Brummet , 1986

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The 90's

click to enlarge Colum and Del Brummet

My Worst Jobs - Design Insanity - Hype, Shuck, and Jive In The Dot-Com Years

My Worst Jobs - SALSA

Jerry Melin, still missing, still missed

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The 00's



18,906 Days On Turtle Island

The Day I went Bald

My Jobs (List Number 9)

My Favorite Rock and Jazz Shows

More Shows I've seen over the years

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Ashleigh Brilliant Is. . .Brilliant

I became aware of Ashleigh Brilliant in about 1971, when several quotes from him appeared in Art Spiegelman's wonderful Whole Grains--a counterculture quotation book. Thirty-five years later, Ashleigh is keeping on.

"Wonderfully inspirational and insane messages" says Professor J. Katz, Dept. of Psychology, John Abbott College, Canada.

An interview and article by James Moore says that Brilliant has created around 10,000 of these aphorisms/potshots/circuituous riddles . . Brilliant's Pot Shots is syndicated to more than thirty newspapers. He has written many books and published hundreds (thousands?) of his illustrated ready-made quotations, as well as illustrated many other folks' books.

Over the years, Brilliant developed a definition of "Pot-Shots:" they cannot rhyme, and must fall within his self-imposed limit of seventeen words (the same as a haiku). Brilliant told Independent Press-Telegram critic Candy Cooper that he avoids local cultural references because "Pot-Shots have always been a deliberate attempt to reach out to the world."

The Wikipedia has a good collection of Brilliantisms.

Not only don't I know what tomorrow will bring, I'm still not entirely certain what yesterday brought.
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I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
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I hope I can settle my internal conflicts without bloodshed.
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Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
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I try to take life as it comes, and just hope it keeps coming.
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The best thing about being too late is that there's no more need to hurry.
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The most exciting place to discover talent is in yourself.

The more sure you are, the more wrong you can be.
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Watch out! It's quite possible that some of my best mistakes haven't yet been made.
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I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
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One good thing about my computer: it never asks why.
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It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
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The task I've been given seems absurd: To wait here on earth until I no longer exist.
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Should I abide by the rules until they're changed, or help speed the change by breaking them?
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If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
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Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
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Some books make me want to go adventuring, others feel that they have saved me the trouble.

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Not even a great leader can get very far without great people to lead.
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Some books makes me want to go adventuring, others feel that they have saved me the trouble.
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Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to.
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The really great people are the ones who know how to make the little people feel great.
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To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
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Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
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Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will never replace kisses and punches.
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My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
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Everything takes longer than you expect - even when you expect it to take longer than you expect.
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Eat Your Own Dogfood (reheated)

Actor Lorne Greene used to flack the dogfood Alpo on TV, saying "it's so good I feed it to my own dogs." It gained currency during the dot-com craze, and the phrase is still used most commonly in technology companies. I believe it is one of the central tenets of quality assurance (as opposed to QA's subdiscipline, testing).

"Eating your own dog food" means that you use the software you create, or play the games you make. In other businesses, you might actually eat the food you serve, watch the TV shows you make, or use the product you manufacture. This can be taken to extremes, of course, as in the Not Invented Here syndrome, where you not only eat your own dogfood, but you also won't touch anyone else's [1].

Ben Hamper, writing about life as a shoprat at General Motors in his book Rivethead, tells how anyone foolish enough to drive a foreign car into the employee parking lot would find their car keyed, tagged with spray paint, mirrors ripped off, and possibly rammed by a one-ton pickup. That is an extreme punishment for not eating your own dogfood.

Why should you eat your own dogfood? You actually get to know the product you are making. By knowing it, you may get some ideas about how to increase its goodness. In the case of games and software, problems, bugs and deficencies become apparent often only after extended use by a variety of people. Eating your own dogfood shows you believe in your own product. If you work at a brewery, a game company, or bakery, it probably works pretty well for you, if you manufacture cod liver oil, syrup of ipecac, chastity belts, or experimental aircraft. . .not so much.

[1] "Not Invented Here," describes a company that will use nothing developed by "outsiders." In many cases companies don't know a solution already exists. But even more often, the organization believes they can produce a superior product. Apple Computer, from System 1 through OS9 did not include many U.I. innovations (from, say, Windows) because they were not accounted for in Apple's human interface guidelines (a great document, by the way).

Apple rejected any change they did not invent...which, of course, ignores the fact that Apple cribbed most of this stuff from innovations at PARC (Palo Alto Research Center) in the first place. In the open source world, at any time, there are several groups working on different projects that all do the same thing.

Large corporations like Microsoft reject all use of open source software...because they feel the source sharing requirements are too onerous. Therefore they must come up with all these tools in house, no matter how much it costs and no matter how poorly the tool emulates what is already available for free.
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Deja Vu: nostalgia for today

"Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to."

- Ashleigh Brilliant
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