The Jeff pinup

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Ex-Veep Cheney weighs in on gay marriage: President Obama? You've been Dicked.

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by Pablo Fanque
All This Is That National Affairs Editor
Illustration by Jack Brummet, Editor-in-chief

How often in the last nine years has Dick Cheney taken a stand to the left of our current President? As far as I can tell, once. On Monday. Ex-Veep Cheney, who has made a hobby lately of defending his administration's choices, did the right thing and came out squarely in favor of gay marriage (not unlike another arch-conservative, Ted Olson). And he did it with sincerity and panache. Barack Obama, in the meantime, is left to babble about civil unions.

Incredibly enough, Dick Cheney took time from his relentless defense of the former Bush administration to say, yeah, gay marriage is OK. Barack Obama, for possibly ethical, but more likely politically expedient motives, sticks with the civil union dodge.

I would almost grant Dick Cheney an All This Is That halo , but I just can't bring myself to do that. The ATIT halo is only awarded to real heroes (like Mario Cuomo or the hero pilot Sully). After all, Mr. Cheney has spent the last six months spouting his self-justifying gibberish to anyone who would give him the time of day, in hopes of derailing Barack Obama (or at the very least, burnishing the Bush Administration's pathetic "legacy"). But like the stopped clock that is right twice a day, even Ex-veep Cheney gets it right every now and then.

Mister President, I think you've been Dicked.
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Alien Lore No. 154 - Life on the moon?

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A couple of years ago, President George W. Bush gave a speech promising a return to the moon. We've shuttled back and forth to the International Space Station numerous times, but no one has returned to the moon since 1972.

One of the most visible and exciting facets of the space race was our ("our" here means earthlings) visits to the moon. As you know, there is a contingent of conspiracy theorists who claim we never actually landed there, and that the 18 manned and unmanned spacecraft landings on the moon were bogus--all filmed on a soundstage. Particularly, that first landing of Apollo 11 in 1969.

12 U.S. citizens have walked on the moon. That's it, as far as we know. (If you don't believe the story of The Skeleton On the Moon: See All This Is That, March 28, 2005).

Only a rocket (but not a balloon or jet) can actually increase its speed at high altitudes in the vacuum outside the Earth's atmosphere. Or at least that's what they say. But some people believe you don't need a rocket at all.

In the Southern Literary Messenger of June 1835, Edgar Allan Poe published the tale of Hans Pfaall, an unemployed bellows mender from Rotterdam, Holland, who worked clandestinely, and built a giant balloon. His goal was "to force a passage, if I could, to the moon." He gambled he could acclimatize to the extreme altitude [as have many mountain climbers over the years, although the highest they have reached is just over 29,000 feet].

Hans Pfaall took off on April 1, 1935 and, because of the thinning atmosphere, soon suffered spasms and began bleeding from the ears, nose, and eyes. He made it 'though: after 19 days in space, his balloon, the Flying Dutchman landed amidst a crowd of homely looking moon people, who "stood like a parcel of idiots, grinning in a ludicrous manner, and eyeing me and my balloon askant, with their arms set akimbo."

Despite the strange welcome, the world's first astronaut lived among the moon folk for five years. He then then wrote a letter to the Mayor of Rotterdam in which he described some of his experiences and begged to be allowed to return to earth, and Rotterdam.

A lunar messenger Pfaall entrusted with his letter reached Rotterdam (also by balloon) but "frightened to death by the savage appearance of the residents of Rotterdam," he couldn't be persuaded to land. He dropped the letter, and disappeared into the heavens without waiting for a reply, according to Poe.

The story snowballs from here. Imagine if you can, a telescope lens with a diameter of 24 feet and a weight of almost 15,000 pounds. With it, you could see insects on the moon, or so the readers of the New York Sun were told.

In August 1835, the 'paper reported the findings of British astronomer Sir John Herschel. In a six-part series, a reporter--Richard Adams Locke--told how Herschel used his custom-built telescope in a planetarium at the Cape of Good Hope (in Southern Africa), to spot many incredible species on the moon. Among them: horned bears, tailless beavers, and 4-foot-tall ape-like creatures with thick beards and large wings. Locke referred to them as "bat-men." There were bat-women too, and the bat-men and bat-women apparently engaged freely in randy behavior that Locke refused to describe, because their acts would be considered improper on earth.

Herschel was a legitimate, respected scientist who remained unaware of his "discoveries" for months. When word of Locke's confabulations reached him, he tried to debunk the story--but no one wanted to hear that!

On June 20, 1977, Anglia TV in England caused an uproar when it broadcast a documentary called Alternative Three. By linking facts with half-truths, and by staging interviews with so-called "astronomers" and "astronauts," the makers suggested that both NASA's space program and the Cold War were decoys. The power elite in the USSR, the US, and Great Britain had in fact been working together on a secret project - Alternative Three - that had established bases on the moon and on Mars, so that they could escape the coming ecological nightmare on earth. Insiders who were deemed a security risk were callously murdered. Scientists had been abducted to do experiments in the space colonies. Even regular folks had been forced into slave labor on the moon and Mars.
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Painting: twisted Mandala

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Music slideo: Band of Horses' Detlef Schrempf (with lyrics)

Detlef Schrempf

And take a little walk when the worst is to come
When I saw you looking like I never thought
And say you're at a loss or forgot that words can do more than harm

The town is gonna talk, but these people do not
See things through to the very minimal
But what's it gonna cost to be gone?
If we see you like I hoped we never would

When eyes can't look at you any other way,
Any other way, any other way
When eyes can't look at you any other way,
Any other way, any other way

So take it as a song or a lesson to learn
And sometime soon be better than you were
If you say you're gonna go, then be careful
And watch how you treat every living soul

My eyes can't look at you any other way,
Any other way, any other way
When eyes can't look at you any other way,
Any other way, any other way
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Painting: gravity

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Alien Lore No. 153 - Parallel Unverse: earth's twin found

According to a copyrighted story published on May 18th in the Weekly World News, stunned scientists recently discovered two new planets 1,300 light-years away. "One of them is the exact twin of Earth in almost every detail. Some of these experts believe Planet Z is inhabited, by precise duplicates of every human being now living here on earth." Read the full story here.

Dr. Raymond Tufts, an astronomer and authority on the solar system said “It’s as if God were holding a great mirror up to Earth from across the universe.”
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Music video: George Harrison performs "Got My Mind Set On You"

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Pablo Fabque: This is a mind f***er of all mind f***ers: David Boies and Theodore Olson get in bed together to fight for gay marriage

By Pablo Fanque
All This Is That Jurisprudence and Legal Editor



click to enlarge Messrs. Olson and Boies

I always thought of Theodore Olson as about a shade to the right of Heinrich Himmler or David Duke. I give him a halo for this one. On a side note, as you probably know, his wife, Barbara (a conservative commentator and lawyer), was on the 9/11 'plane that crashed into the Pentagon. And now he has joined up with his old adversary David Boies (you may remember their little case that tossed the entire election George Bush's way--Bush v. Gore) to challenge California's Proposition 8.

It’s pretty cool to see him make the leap—much more satisfying that someone like Arlen Specter, who really did it to save his own skin. Olson can’t be loved by the GOP for this. Maybe it’s the Boalt Hall/Berkeley in him finally coming out?

Olson and Boies's case argues that California's voter-enacted ban on same-sex marriage, known as Proposition 8, violates the U.S. Constitution's guarantee of equal protection and due process.

Numerous gay/lesbian groups and others have said they want to work through the states, and not make a federal case of it! It's too early, they say, and the Supreme Court--where this will inevitably end up (at least the injunction on enforcing Prop. 8 will)--is not ready to hear the case. Boies and Olson think otherwise:

"There will be many people who will think this is not the time to go to federal," Olson said Wednesday at a news conference in Los Angeles. "Both David and I have studied the court for more years than probably either one of us would like to admit. We think we know what we are doing." Cocky, yes, but also probably true.

Their lawsuit in U.S. District Court in northern California last week asked for an immediate injunction against Prop. 8 until the federal case is resolved.

"It's not about liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican. We're here in part to symbolize that. This case is about the equal rights guaranteed to every American under the United States constitution," said former Solicitor General Olson, a well=known and connected Republican. "For too long, gay men and lesbians who seek stable committed, loving relationships within the institution of marriage have been denied that fundamental right," he said.

Olson said he asked Boies, a Democrat, to join his team to present "a united front" in the suit filed on behalf of two same-sex couples who wish to be married but, because of Proposition 8, have been denied licenses.

"Our Constitution guarantees every American the right to be treated equally under the law," Boies said. "There is no right more fundamental than the right to marry the person that you love and to raise a family."

"The courts exist to reverse injustices," he went on. "This is not a question of state law. It's a question of federal Constitutional law."

The California Supreme Court Tuesday upheld Prop. 8, the ballot initiative passed by 52% of voters in November. Prop 8 defines marriage as between a man and a woman. California was the second state after Massachusetts to legalize gay marriage. Since then, Iowa and Connecticut have legalized gay marriage, and legislatures in Vermont and Maine also recently legalized gay marriage.

Hurrah for Theodore Olson. You surprised and gladdened me.
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Photograph: Vintage Japanese Robots

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I don't know who took this 'photo (let us know if it is yours), but it is a great! These are vintage Japanese robots. . .

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Poem: The Green Knight

1
You walk the hall of broken mirrors
Upon the walls of which are hung
The skulls of those who walked before you.

2
Filtered grey light pools
On the floor in the distance.
The moans and whimpers of the maimed and wounded

Reverberate against the cold walls.
You come to a burnished oak door.
The door will not open,

And you walk on down the hall.
A green knight walks toward you,
With a battle-axe in one hand

And a branch of holly in the other.
Bercilak de Hautdesert asks if you want to play a game.
He strops the axe on his green leather pants.

3
The Green Knight asks you to roshambo.
"You first," he says. "Take the first swing
And I will be back in a year and a day

To take my turn."
You take the axe and swing. The helmet flies off
And smashes against the stone wall

And his head rolls down the hallway.
The stranger does not die.
The Green Knight picks up his severed head

And the head tells you
To meet him at the Green Chapel
One hear hence on New Year's morning,

So that he may deal his exchange blow.
The Green Knight's head chuckles
As he walks briskly away.
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Jack Handy on Presidents and Robots

"I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad."


Source: Jack Handy